Previously on The Most Popular Girls in School…
Brittnay Matthews, Mercenary Cheerleader.
Fuck you, I quit.
Fuck yes! I’m head cheerleader again!
Don’t you really want to get back at Mackenzie Zales once and for all?
I have a plan, Brittnay. A plan that will destroy the reputation of Mackenzie Zales
for good. It’s a fuckin really good plan.
No, no what I meant was-
What you meant was that you want me to take three days out of my fuckin' work week-
No, no, it's just Saturday, Sunday, and Monday-
Saturday Sunday, Monday is part of my fuckin work week! I don't have a fucking weekend,
I'm not twelve!
Well, I just thought it would be a nice gesture to surprise you with a vacation.
Oh yeah, that's wonderful! Surprise, I just pissed away more of your money! Next time
you want to surprise me, at least make sure it's fucking refundable.
No, no, I'm paying for it this time. You know those sweaters I've been making with the cats
that are doing dog things? Well people are really starting to like 'em on Etsy!
Oh well that's fucking great, Jack! How about next month I spend all of my money on a fucking
vacation too? Oh wait that's right, my family might need food and a goddamn roof over their
heads!
Well, I just thought we could use a weekend away for a little, you know, romance-
Just fuck me, Jack. That's it. Fuck me! I don't need a cruise, I don't need a vacation!
I don't even need the fucking lights turned off, Jack. I just need that big beautiful
dick of yours!
Ha, nice fucking wallpaper, you fucking twat.
C'mon, download already. Jesus.
Eh, fuck her. Alright, done.
Hey, easy on the ass, I'm still a little sore from last night.
Yeah, same here.
Oh. Lovely. Well, now I know what's gonna be on the inside of my nightmares tonight.
Fucking gross.
How'd it go?
A bit more disturbing than I'd planned, but I've got the video.
Good, let's see what's on this fucking thing.
Wait, you don't know what's on it?!
No, all I know is that it's bad. It's real bad. But I could never get to it, because
I don't have the password to Mackenzie's computer. By the way, what is her password?
Fuck you Shay.
What the fuck, you don't want to tell me?
No, idiot, the password is "fuck you Shay".
Oh! No numbers, hm, not too safe. Alright, here we go.
Oh Edward, I didn't think you would find me here in the woods. Oh I can't wait to be a
vampire so we can finally make love. Oh can't we do it now! I can't wait. I want your glistening
vampire penis inside of my human vagina. Edward- I'm not afraid.
Jacob! You're here in the woods too! Oh Jacob, please don't be jealous. Please no, I can't
help the way I feel. No boys, don't fight over me!
Oh no, you're ripping each other's clothes off. Boys! There's enough of me for the both
of you!
Oh God, she's gonna fuck those balloons.
This whole family's got weird shit going on.
Why would she even keep this?
Because Shay, sometimes when God gets tired of fucking you over, he gives you a wonderful
beautiful gift. And this is that gift.
Jacob! Noooooooooo!
C'mon, let's upload this to YouTube.
No, no, no, no, no, I want to see her face. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna
swap this video with the end of the year video that they're showing at Tanner Christiansen's
party. That way, we can watch as Mackenzie Zales is publicly destroyed once and for all.
Yeah fine, we can do that too. How'd you even find out about this anyway?
I understand you may have some information for someone trying to destroy Mackenzie Zales.
Depends. What are you offering?
How do you feel about smelly markers?
What do you want to know?
Jesus, Shay what the fuck's going on down there?
It's the annual Van Buren Family Reunion. Why don't you come down and meet everybody?
Ehhhhh... I'd rather go take a shit.
Oh come on!
Hey everyone! I want you to meet Brittnay. She's a temporary honorary Van Buren cousin.
Say hi.
Hiiiiiii!!!
Holaaaaaa!!!
Bonjouuuuuur!!!
Howdyyyyyyyyy!!!
-iiiiiiiiiii!!!
Mommy always wins!
Jesus fuck. They have an army.
Yeah, we've got a pretty big family.
Shay! I didn't realize you were bringing a friend!
Oh no Mom, she's not my friend. We're doing an enemy of my enemy thing.
Oh I've been there! Remember Karen?
You mean Aunt Karen?
Yeah that bitch. Hey Karen! Let me introduce you to everybody. Fair warning, we're all
very successful. That over there, that is Shay's Aunt Christie, she's an astronaut.
Over there is Aunt Alex the Pastry Chef, Aunt Sandra, she's the Scuba Diver, Cousin Trixie
the Cop, Cousin Allison the Firefighter, Cousin Margie the Pilot, her sister Marie the Ninja,
and well I don't know who that is.
It's me, Brittnay. The one you've been talking to.
Oh right, oh right, oh right, oh right. Now I want you girls to know that I do not mind
if you drink as long as it's here in my house. I'm not gonna go tattle on you to your mothers.
You are my mother.
Yes, that's right, thank you Shay. It would be hard for me to tattle on me. To me. Right.
Anyway. I just want to make sure you two drink responsibly. You do know what I mean when
I say that, right?
Not to excess?
No, I mean use a coaster. We have nice furniture here Shay. We also have plenty of food. Speaking
of which, Belinda!
You rang?
Yes Belinda, I just want you to make sure that those shrimp puffs aren't getting soggy.
Shrimp puffs? No those are just undercooked tater tots. Either way, the food I serve is
never not soggy. Soggy's kind of my thing.
Well alright then. Oh no, would you look at that! It seems like somebody's drunk all the
wine out of mommy's glass. Who would have done that?
Ok, are you actually so drunk that you don't know who drank the wine out of your glass
or is this just a bit that you're doing?
No, no, no, no it's a bit. Now please go get me more wine.
There. Isn't it nice when we treat each other like fucking adults?
Maybe those kinds of bullshit fiscal policies fly out in Palo Alto, but I live in the real
world Aunt Marie. It's called trickle-down economics, you stupid bitch.
Hey everybody, sorry I'm late, forty-seven year old boyfriend, you know how that can
be- WHAT THE FUCK!
Hiiiiiiii!!!
Shut up!
Ugh! Sorry, hiiiii. Now where was I? Oh yeah. What the fuck is she doing here?!
You don't want none of this bitch. Not in the mood.
Fuckin' chill out Cameron! She's fuckin', fuckin' cool, man. She's on my team now. Fuckin'
Team Shay. Team ShayBrittnay. Sh-sh- Shittnay. Shittnay. Fuckin' TagHash Team Shittnay.
No. No. We're not called Team Shittnay.
Fine, cool cool. TagHash Team Enemy is Enemy Let's Just Be Friends.
Jesus Cesar Chavez, Shay are you drunk already?
I don't know Cameron, are you fuckin' dumb already? Now if you're gonna excuse me, I
have to go get it.
Get what Shay? What are you even fucking talking about?
I blame it on genetics.
You know what don't even fucking start with me, ok? I mean what the fuck are you even
doing here, you bubble butt? Don't sit on my mom's furniture, I don't want your fucking
crabs everywhere. I mean seriously! The dog's already itching. Did you fuck the dog, Brittnay?
Don't look in the mirror, because I don't want mirrors to have residual images of your
fucking cunt look. I'm getting so mad, that I'm getting blood pressure issues. And I can't
get rid of them because I'm on meds to calm myself. And if I take my meds, then my fucking
boyfriend will say my vagina dried. And I'm gonna- it's all gonna be your fault, Brittnay.
My vaginal dryness will be on your hands, Brittnay. On your hands!
She's here?! She's here?! Wait, move, move, move! Get the fuck out of my way! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What the fuck is she doing?
Ugh, she does this sometimes. Belinda!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, excuse me, Cammie. Cammie, oh, oh! How fancy seeing you here!
At my house? Belinda, what did the judge say? He said 800 yards. This is not 800 yards.
Don't you have an Amber Alert you should be running from?
Have you tried my soggy taters yet?
Belinda, that better not mean what I think it means.
Uh no, I was actually talking about literal soggy potato appetizers.
Yeah, that's exactly what I thought you meant. G to the ross!
Understood, understood. Oh well in that case, would you like to see my vagina hole?
Alright, on that note, I am out! See everybody next year! Byeeeee!!! Ugh. Byeeee! Why is
the door locked? Byee- Why did we lock it if we're all inside? Ugh, ugh, good good.
Byeeeeeee!
Ah, it was quick. But just enough for the spank bank!
Pssst! Brittnay! Brittnay!
Trisha! What are you doing here?
I had a great idea for something to add to your video! What are you doing at Shay Van
Buren's house?
I'm not doing the Mercenary stuff anymore, Trisha. I'm doing this new thing with Shay.
Oh ok, how can I help?
You don't want to be a part of this Trisha.
Fuckin' high school should be called fuckin' dumb school.
Shay sweetie, I want you- I think- Shay, I think you've had enough to drink.
Oh really, could a drunk person do- oh, shit.
Ok yeah, you've had too much- oh, shit.
You don't want to be a part of this. No one wants to be a part of this. Mackenzie has
to be taught a lesson, and if I have to work with Shay Van Buren to teach her that lesson,
then so be it. But I'm not gonna drag you down with me. Get out of here kid.
Only this time, they're called the Sticky Bandits!
Hey.
Ooh! Switch! Ok, you're explaining the plot of the movie Home Alone 2!
No, Trisha 2. It's over.
What's over?
We're not doing the Trisha Exchange Program anymore.
Oh, okay.
Brittnay's working with Shay Van Buren now.
WHAT?!
I saw it with my own two eyes. Brittnay and Shay are on the same side. They don't need
me anymore. They don't need any of us.
Why the fuck would Brittnay do that?
Oh Brittnay? Yeah I forgot to tell you she came over earlier.
What?!
Yeah, she was dressed kind of weird. Acting kind of quiet. Me and your step-father just
ignored her.
What the fuck Mom?!
What the fuck Mackenzie?!
What the fuck did she want?
I don't know, me and your step-father were having a very serious conversation.
Ohhhhhhh...she went up to your room.
My room?
No no no no no no no no...please tell me she didn't.
Goddamit!
Maybe next time you won't be so stingy with your smelly markers. Oh, oh no. Here come
the marker spins.
Next time on The Most Popular Girls in School…
Oh my god, I love your music so much!
I need you to leave my butthole!
It’s not Deandra and the Poops anymore.
Oh cool, so what’s the band called now?
I have a pot luck with some of my friends who are in a cult, and I have to bring the
guacamole.
Girls, I’d like you to say hello to the new members of our cheer squad.