Hi, today's topic is how do I become a better wife. My name is Paul Friedman, I
founded The Marriage Foundation and this is not a difficult topic for me to
discuss but you have to be very careful. You have to be very careful to not be
affected and go, "How dare he?" or "What's he's saying?" This is the real deal.
Look, I used to be a divorce mediator. I help people get a divorce and I was very
successful. The way I did it was I was very clear. Divorce mediation -- there's a
lot of emotion that has to be set aside and so I would use a whiteboard and I
would help the couple see what they were faced with clearly and then explain how
do we get the emotions out of this. And that's not a popular thing to do these
days, for some reason the psyche community is talking about honoring your
emotions. Well, there was a time when they said vent. There was a time when they
said drum. There was a time when they said, "Don't worry about your kids. Get a
divorce, it's fine." Well, they're learning as they go a little bit at a time but
they're missing the whole point of marriage. Well, you want to be a better
wife so I'm going to help you understand at the most core level how to do that
because obviously, if you want to be a better wife what it's telling me is that
there's something missing in your marriage. Maybe you see that your husband
is starting to look at porn sites or dating sites or maybe he's not paying
enough attention to you or maybe he came out and said look, "You're just not
taking care of me maybe we should end our marriage." This happens, we see way
too much of it at The Marriage Foundation. Now, let's begin with what
does it mean to be a good wife and let's go right to the first principle of
marriage. The first principle of marriage you might say is I got married to be
happier so did my husband. My husband got married to be happier. Well, what does
that tell you? That you should bake him a cake every day that you should do the
striptease when he comes home? No. You got to ask yourself what is it that my
husband married me for and I'm going to tell you now most people don't know the
answer to that because I have a background in spiritual studies and I'm not
going to take my religious studies but in spiritual studies, I have an
understanding that a lot of people don't have I'm going to share this with you.
In the deepest subconscious mind, your husband because he's a man is not able
to connect to his own heart the way you do and you know that's true. He doesn't
see the children the way you see them. He doesn't understand suffering the way you
understand it. He doesn't have a natural propensity towards compassion. These are
heart qualities. In the male design, the gender design of the male and it's not
an absolute. It doesn't lend itself towards a heart
connection. When a man wants a heart connection, he's got to really work at it
so he married you in order to feel that heart connection, that love. The true you
is a soul, not a religious soul, you're just a soul just because the psyche
community doesn't acknowledge this doesn't mean it isn't true.
You're a soul, you don't have a soul. You are one. You have a mind,
you have a body this physical form but you are a soul. The soul's natural essence is
pure, unadulterated, unconditional love that's why your husband married you. He
didn't know that but that's why. You didn't know it either. So what happens
what happens is there's this, I've identified killers of marriages and I
put them in my books both of them and I'm writing another one too but I put
this in my books. It's part of the coursework that we have at The Marriage
Foundation where I've identified the three killers and the biggest killer
that you will find in every marriage that is unhappy is what I have coined
over-familiarity. What does that mean? Over-familiarity means you don't treat
each other respectfully. You take each other for granted because you're over a
familiar. So, when you first meet you're very conscious of what comes out of your
mouth. You're very conscious of how you're dressing. You're very conscious of
how you carry yourself but then you slowly become familiar with
one another and you start testing. And maybe you get angry and when you first
met you would never expose that anger to him, never. You chase him away, you know what
your anger looks like so you would never expose him to that. But now look
how much anger, not everybody, but most of you. You expose this anger. You yell, you
scream, you throw tantrums, you nag, you harass, you put them down, you're critical.
So the first thing you have to do and it's just the right thing to do it's
just being polite for gosh sake is you stop pouring that toxicity into your
marriage. You just stop it and don't tell me it's his fault. Don't tell me it's
because of this and because of that. You control your mind, you have free will
you have volition, you can choose. You can choose not to dump junk on your husband
so that's the first thing and let me tell you there is no balance. I've had
women tell me, "I cook for him. I take care of the kids. I make sure the house
is neat. I'm earning money too and he comes home and blah blah blah and so I have to
let it out." No, you don't. It's not polite. It's not nice but worse
it undermines the love that should be reigning supreme in your marriage and
what I was saying before there's no balance. You can't say, "Well, I do all
these things here and I only do -- I only scream him a little bit." That doesn't
fly. I call that the eclipse effect. You have this huge sun. You have the
same sun I have. We see it everywhere from this planet but if you put up your
hand your tiny little hand, think of the size of your hand compared to the sun
you could block all of it. It's the same thing with our behaviors, you could have
all of this love but just a little bit of this negativity will block all of
that love. The first thing you have to do to become a better wife just stop it.
Now sometimes, it's very difficult to stop it. These are deeply ingrained
habits. Hopefully, you're coming to this video
early enough before these habits completely own you. If not you know we
have a course for women where I actually show you how to gain control over the
emotions, the habits and you redesign yourself so take a look at that. My
explanation for the course if your marriage is like on the verge or if you
feel you need that. So, that's the first thing -- stop the toxicity. What's the next
thing? The next thing is so beautiful, it's so
beautiful. Look, you are a soul
you can't escape that reality and this is not a religious thing. This is just
the way it is. You're a soul. You have a body, you have a
mind but you are a soul. A couple of kids I'm very close to we're in the car with
me the other day and my wife and they're talking and they said, "Do you know Paul
that we only used less than 10% of our minds?" I said, "Well, what does that mean?"
And I said, "Well, it means that we if we learn how to use our minds we can fly."
And I thought they didn't learn that in school, I thought that's pretty advanced
logic. Yeah, you can fly. Can you imagine? Well, who is that I asked
that only uses 10% of your mind? Well, me. What are you? Who are you?
I said you're a soul. You're a soul. You have a mind and you're only using 10%.
Let's look at it that way. The truth is you're probably using less, you've become
so dependent upon your habits and your inner automatic reactions, your
instinctive reactions. But what's a good use of your mind and I'm talking to you
the soul. Good use of your mind is to align it with yourself, your higher self.
The soul because what is the soul. The soul is peace of God. God created you in
His image or image. What is God? Love. God is love. God also has other attributes
wisdom, protection but God is love and if you've ever meditated you know what I'm
talking about. If you've ever prayed very deeply and
then all of a sudden you feel God's presence. It's always love -- that is your
true nature. If you align your mind which means your behaviors with the
qualities of who you really are that's exactly what I was talking about
in the beginning. Now, you are giving your husband why he married you in the first
place. You're giving him a glimpse into infinite unconditional love. See, I'm not
telling you to buy him flowers or text and more often or dress pretty or any of
that stuff because if you do all those things it's on the surface. However, if
you do those things because you've tapped into your heart
and your intuition which is very deep for women suggest to you I should
contact him now, text him and tell him I love him. That's cool but if I say to you
text him and you text him, it may not work because it's not sincere. It may
just be surface and his soul will pick up on that -- it won't feel it because
ultimately, what do you want? You want to have that soul connection. You got
married to be happy. It is love that universally always 100% of the time
causes happiness. Money doesn't, sex doesn't, drugs and alcohol don't.
Vacations don't. I'm talking about real happiness is only experienced by real
love not the faked kind but the real kind. Learn how to connect your own
soul to be yourself, your true self. Control the mind, learn how to express
your inner self towards your husband all the time not just during intercourse, not
just during conversations but all the time and he will go, "Wow, I married an
angel. I married a saint. I have the best marriage ever." It's
not what you wanted to say how fulfilling would that be to hear from
his lips, "I married the most amazing woman in the world." Wouldn't that be so
beautiful, and you can achieve that. Okay. I hope you like this. I hope you share
and I hope you'll subscribe. We're here for you at The Marriage Foundation. Our
counselors -- it's a free service. You could write in. They are not paid a commission.
They're not told to push a book on you. They're not told to push a course on you.
They're told to help you. We're a foundation or nonprofit so we are here for you and
I'll pray for you and prayers to your husband and prayers to your family. Thank
you for stopping by. God bless!