>>> A HIGH SCHOOL IN ILLINOIS HAS CANCELLED CLASSES FOR A
SECOND DAY AFTER MORE THAN 800 STUDENTS WERE OUT WITH A STOMACH
BUG. WHICH MAKES SENSE FOR A SCHOOL
WHOSE MASCOT IS A WARM SHRIMP COCKTAIL.
[ LAUGHTER ] ADORABLE.
>> THIS WEEK MARKS THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE iPHONE.
AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY, THANK YOU, APPLE,
FOR HELPING ME IGNORE MY FAMILY. [ LAUGHTER ]
IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT OUR LIVES WOULD BE RIGHT NOW WITHOUT
iPHONES, WITHOUT AN iPHONE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SEE THAT
YOUR FRIEND IS CALLING AND WAIT UNTIL THEY STOP CALLING AND THEN
TEXT THEM, WHY ARE YOU CALLING? KIDS IN AMERICA WOULD HAVE GREAT
POSTURE. AND KIDS IN CHINA WOULD HAVE A
DAY OFF. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M SURE THEY WOULD BE BUILDING SOMETHING.
>>> FORD HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW SUV IN 2020.
JUST IN TIME FOR PAROLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> A FEDERAL INVESTIGATION CONCLUDED THAT THE CITY OF
CHICAGO'S POLICE OFFICERS USED EXCESSIVE FORCE AND UNFAIRLY
TARGET MINORITIES.
OH, SO THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. AS A BLACK DUDE WHO GREW UP IN
THE GET DOUGH, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY COPS DON'T LIKE
US. I MEAN, BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH
IN COMMON. WE'RE BOTH PORTRAYED NEGATIVELY
ON THE NEWS. YOU CAN HEAR OUR CARS FROM
BLOCKS AWAY. EVERYONE GETS NERVOUS WHEN THEY
THINK WE'RE FOLLOWING THEM. WE'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE I KNOW
WHO CAN HOP A FENCE IN BOOTS. WE BOTH BRING OUR OWN GUNS TO
FUNERALS. I CAN GO ON AND ON.
BUT THE BIGGEST SIMILARITY IS THAT BLACK PEOPLE DON'T LIKE
BEING IN CRIME INFESTED AREAS EITHER AND I THINK THAT GETS
LOST. THAT'S WHY I HATE THE TERM BLACK
ON BLACK CRIME BECAUSE IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE IT'S JUST A RACE
ISSUE. WHICH MAKES PEOPLE WHO AREN'T
BLACK CHECK OUT. I DON'T BLAME THEM.
IF I SAW A HEADLINE THAT SAID,
WHITE WOMAN CUTS OFF WHITE MAN'S PENIS, I WOULD BE LIKE, DAMN,
WHITE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY, I'M GLAD I'M NOT WHITE.
BUT IF YOU TOOK RACE OUT OF IT AND THE HEADLINE SAID INSTEAD,
IF HE HAD UP WOMAN CUT OFF CHEATING MAN'S
PENIS, I WOULD BE LIKE, OH, NO, THIS AFFECTS US ALL.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>>> WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS PERFORM HERE ON "SNL."
IT TURNS OUT -- THAT'S THE WEIRDEST TRANSITION.
TO PIGGYBACK ON THE CHICAGO STUFF.
WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS PERFORM ON "SNL."
WE MIGHT HAVE AN EMERGING POP STAR RIGHT HERE IN OUR CAST.
HERE SO EXPLAIN IS BECK BENNETT. >> I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU SO
MUCH. WOW, LOVE YOU.
>> BECK, IS THAT A NEW HAIRCUT? >> OH, I DIDN'T NOTICE.
I GUESS SO, YEAH. IT'S JUST NATURAL, I DON'T KNOW.
>> OKAY. SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR
MUSIC CAREER? >> THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
WELL, IN A WORD, IT'S EXPLODING, COLIN.
PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS, BUT MUSIC'S ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE PART
AND I'VE ALWAYS LIKE LISTENED TO THE RADIO.
I LOVE SONGS. >> SO, THEN YOU'RE LIKE A
TRAINED SINGER? >> I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A TRAINED
SINGER ANYMORE. I'M JUST SORT OF MORE OF A -- I
DO, I DON'T KNOW, ORIGINAL CHART TOPPING STUFF.
>> DO YOU WANT TO TRY OUT ONE OF YOUR SONGS RIGHT NOW?
♪ EVERYBODY IS ON THE PROWL EVERYBODY'S GOTTA GET THAT
SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY ♪
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT WAS SORT OF ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND MONEY.
>> YES, YOU SAID MONEY LIKE TEN TIMES.
>> I HAVE ANOTHER ONE TOO. >> OH, GREAT.
I WAS GOING TO SAY THANKS FOR COMING.
BUT SURE, YEAH, YOU CAN DO ANOTHER --
>> FAIR WARNING. IT'S REALLY TENDER.
♪ HONESTLY WE'RE HERE BEFORE AND HONESTLY I'VE SEEN YOU
THERE HONESTLY WE'VE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD ♪
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> THAT WAS THE WHOLE SONG?
>> I DO LITTLE SONGS, COLIN. A LOT OF SINGERS WILL DO, I
DON'T KNOW, EIGHT TO TEN SONGS IN AN ALBUM, WHEREAS I'LL DO
ANYTHING FROM 300 TO 600 SONGS. I'M AN ABSOLUTE MACHINE.
>> THAT'S TOO MANY SONGS. >> I'M ALWAYS PRODUCING.
>> MAYBE SLOW IT DOWN. WHY DON'T YOU MAYBE JUST DO ONE
LITTLE SONG. ♪ THE PIN GOES IN
THE PIN GOES OUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE A BLANKET
THE PIN GOES IN ♪ ♪ THE PIN GOES OUT
I'M SEWING SOMETHING NEW ♪
[ APPLAUSE ] >> ALL RIGHT, YEAH, THAT COULD
BE GOOD. ♪ MAYBE IT'S A HAT OR GLOVES
MAYBE IT'S A BRAND-NEW COAT MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE STUFFED
ANIMAL ♪ [ APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT SONG ENDED UP BEING ABOUT A STUFFED ANIMAL.
>> WOW. THANKS, MAN.
THANKS FOR WALKING US THROUGH THAT.
I THINK THERE'S NO EASY WAY FOR ME TO SAY THIS.
>> UH-HUH. GREAT.
>> OBVIOUSLY I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
>> GOOD NEWS ALERT. >> I JUST THINK AFTER LISTENING
TO YOUR MUSIC -- >> I SHOULD QUIT COMEDY AND DO
MUSIC FULL-TIME? THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE I ALREADY
DID IT. ♪ EVERYBODY IS ON
THE PROWL ♪