President Trump wasn't the only person
giving a speech tonight.
After he finished his State of the Union,
Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer
gave the Democrats' response speech in English.
Texas representative Veronica Escobar
gave the Democrats' response in Spanish.
And then Beto O'Rourke gave the speech
in Spanish again but much worse.
And, as you know,
we here at The Daily Show have our own annual response
where we cover the issues
that are of special importance to black America.
So, please rise--
but not really, you can just clap--
as Roy Wood Jr. delivers
The Daily Show's annual State of the Black Shit address.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
Good evening, black people,
African Americans, people of color
and really tan Italian people.
I'm Roy Wood Jr., and I'm coming to you
from one of America's blackest places:
a Popeyes in St. Louis
owned by Cedric the Entertainer.
Tonight, we black people are gathered here
to once again ask ourselves the question,
where we is?
Now, we can't deny
we had some setbacks in 2019.
Let's start with this presidential race.
All of our black candidates are gone.
Kamala, gone. Cory, gone.
Deval Patrick.
Come on, he basically...
Right now the blackest person in the race
is Andrew Yang.
And no. And no,
he is not related to the Ying Yang Twins.
I made that same mistake.
But by campaigning
on giving all Americans $1,000 a month,
Yang is doing one of the blackest things:
promising to hook everybody up before he even got the damn job.
(laughter and applause)
Y'all know how we do.
(cheering and applause)
That is how we do.
One time, I applied for a job at Best Buy.
I texted half of Birmingham.
I was like, "Hey, who want a Blu-ray of Frozen?
It's on me."
Now, of course,
one of black America's biggest setbacks
happened at the beginning of 2019.
The infamous case of Jussie Smollett.
What the hell was that boy doing?
I don't know what's more messed up,
a black man faking a hate crime
or the fact that he went out at 2:00 a.m.
to go eat at Subway.
Jussie, you're black.
Make yourself a syrup sandwich and go back to bed.
But-but 2019 wasn't all bad.
As usual, black excellence overflowed
in the world of entertainment.
Tyler Perry opened
one of the largest movie studios in the country.
Spike Lee won his first Oscar.
Billy Porter won an Emmy
and every red carpet he walked on.
-(cheering and applause) -And, of course...
And, of course, Lil Nas X.
That boy made the biggest country hit of the year.
That's right, we finally got one.
We got us a country hit.
This-this must be how white people felt
when Vanilla Ice came out.
(laughter and applause)
And...
Let's also not forget about Lizzo.
-(cheering and applause) -She sang,
she rapped, she twerked, and she did the unthinkable.
She made playing the flute black as hell.
That's how good Lizzo is.
Lizzo can turn any white thing into a black thing.
I bet you on her next album,
she just gonna be speaking to a manager at the Gap.
(laughter)
In sports...
In sports, we celebrate Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes,
whose last-minute comeback propelled him to victory
against the San Francisco 49ers.
And yes, I know. Everybody keep reminding you
that Patrick Mahomes is half white.
But it must have been his black side that won the game
because it showed up late in the fourth quarter.
(cheering and applause)
We also...
We also congratulate sister Meghan Markle,
who made history by telling the royal family
to shove that crown up their ass.
(cheering and applause)
We say thank you.
We say thank you to Ms. Markle.
America is now 2-0 versus the British Empire.
That's what you get.
That's what you get for that Stamp Act, bitches.
And we stole Idris Elba.
This brings me to the future of black shit.
What's in store for us in the year 2020.
This year, we're gonna be supporting black businesses,
cheering on sister Simone Biles at the Olympics
and going to political rallies in record numbers
to support our candidates.
But mostly just to see if Obama show up 'cause we miss him.
I-I...
So, black citizens,
when you ask the question, "Where we is?"
I stand here to say to you all
the state of black shit is, ooh, goddamn!
God bless you all,
God bless black people,
and God bless the series finale of Power on Starz!
I got to go. My sandwich is ready.
-Good night! -(cheering and applause)
Roy Wood Jr., everybody.