We are in Puerto Rico in a town called San Sebastián
and this beautiful waterfall which is called Gozalandia.
Can you do that?
Show us.
This is how I grew up, you know, like, the outdoors.
You're going to meet the rest of my tribe.
My crazy little tribe.
You're going to see where I grew up, how I grew up,
and just chill.
So, I'm Joan Smalls and this is my home.
I remember when I came to New York,
everybody would always say,
"Oh my god, the skyline is so beautiful, it's so beautiful."
I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
I'm like, how do you find beauty in, you know, glass?
So, I'm never going to get used to this cold.
So, there's this thing in Puerto Rico that we call,
it's kind of like a hillbilly but we say 'jíbaro' and 'jíbara'.
So, I can't wait to get back to that jíbara state,
which is just country.
Today, I'm so excited because I get to see my girl Damaris
and she's probably one of the few people
who actually met me towards the beginning of my career.
We were at the same agency
and I actually remember seeing her pictures
and being like, "Oh my God, who is this?"
I wanted to be that, you know?
I wanted that opportunity.
It was never handed to me.
Like, I discovered myself.
A lot of girls, sometimes you hear their stories, they're like,
"An agent saw me and gave me the card
and I just got the golden ticket."
And that was never my scenario.
You know, coming into New York City
and going agency to agency and knocking on their doors
being like, "Hey, you want to represent me?"
Sometimes you question what is the right move to do?
Because it's not like there's a blueprint.
If you do X, Y and Z, you're going to get this result.
Thank you.
Hola chica! Como estas?
When we started modelling,
- there was no. - Can you, do you remember?
Oh, I remember.
- You started, a baby. - I was 15 when I started.
We were 15, by ourselves in Paris, in models' apartments.
Well, the reason I speak Spanish
is because I stayed in a models' apartment with a model from Spain.
- It wasn't because of me? - No.
You know, a lot of the kids nowadays are looking at us.
We don't post our pimples.
- We don't post. - We don't post
the days that we have cramps.
On your period.
- When you're super moody. - When you haven't shaved in a month
because you haven't had work.
We're selling confidence when we actually have the lowest self-esteem.
If a month goes by and I don't have work, I'm like,
"Oh my God, the sky is falling, my career is over, I'm done."
- "I'm done. Nobody likes me." - "Nobody likes me."
And it's like, actually, no, we're amazing women.
- You're heading home to Puerto Rico. - I know.
I'm so excited.
I always see Puerto Rico as this island that's just resilient.
You take pride in who you are
and what you have and you need to protect it.
So, for me, going back home is just like,
reminding myself of that.
And it's like a different world
so I'm just, like, excited to go back home.
I didn't know that the message was so much greater than me
booking a job after a job.
That what I was doing was creating a way for others.
Becoming the first African-Latina model to
represent Estée Lauder.
I didn't know that that existed
but I did it and I was like, "Oh my God!"
I have a double whammy, you know?
I'm not just black and I'm not just Latina.
The household I lived in is multicultural.
And then coming to America, saying, "You are the light-skinned black girl."
And I'm like, "Yeah, but I'm Spanish too."
And people are like, "Huh?"
So, this is my parents' farm where I grew up.
Hello.
This is the woman who birthed me.
Like, it's so quiet and you can hear the neighbours.
And you can hear a horse that's not even here.
It's like, everything's like an echo.
Those are my mum's chickens.
Are you afraid of chickens?
I was at one point.
One of them, remember the one that was really black
with the long, long hair and it was really beautiful
and he was, like, the spawn of Satan?
And it would attack me?
These guys used to be running around freely.
We didn't have a cage.
But then, because they're chickens they would sh*t everywhere
so it's better to have them.
Do you want to tell them why you named me Joan, mummy?
Joan of Arch.
- Arc. - Arc.
She always says, "Remember Joan, you are a star."
And I'm like, "And you're my moon, mummy."
Remember when mom cut our bangs?
So, obviously we have curly hair.
We wanted bangs so she cut our hair when it was wet here
and that sh*t rose up to up here
and it looked like a little Brillo pad.
And then we got made fun of in school by little a**holes.
Yeah? Remember that?
What I think of her being a model.
The real thing that you said, daddy.
I would say it but it's not nice.
People at that time used to think bad about models.
They used to think that in order to be a model,
you have to prostitute yourself.
Okay?
And I didn't want my daughter to get into that kind of world.
Finish your college degree
so this way I know you have a sound mind to protect yourself.
So, she said, "Daddy, now that I have achieved what you wanted,
would you allow me to go?"
- Out of respect. - I didn't say "Allow me to go."
I said, "daddy, I'm going."
- Sure. Okay. Well. - And I...
I know how much my parents sacrificed.
We were living in a one bedroom apartment
in two beds.
And I remember mummy and daddy, they were sleeping on the floor,
all three of us in one room.
For me, that's always my push.
You know, like, they had it worse.
That's one thing I always keep to myself
and now all of you guys know and like.
Joan, keep your head up straight
and when you walk, walk with pride.
They don't want to see you doing this.
That's stupidness because what you're doing,
you're taking their eyes off of buying the product you have on
and looking at how you're twisting your behind.
Walk with respect and get the person's respect.
Once you get that, the person sees that you honour their clothes.
And that's what modelling is all about.
I just always remember wanting that opportunity.
I knew within myself that I needed this one thing.
I don't know what it was going to be.
If I was going to shoot with a photographer,
an important show, if it was going to, like.
I didn't know what my break was going to be
but I just knew I needed that one chance.
I moved to New York. I started modelling.
And I started booking, like, commercial work.
But it isn't like high fashion so you're seen in a different light.
So, I was blessed to have had that opportunity
but I wanted more going to New York City.
I basically got an exclusive for Couture with Riccardo Tisci
when he was the designer at Givenchy.
He bleached my eyebrows. I looked more androgynous.
People saw me in a different light.
I knew that was it, like, I felt it in my soul, in my being,
and I remember when they told me,
"Joan, you got confirmed. Don't go anywhere else"
I just got chills all over my body because I knew that was the moment.
And my mom went to the library and told him
"If you don't let my daughter back in school, I will sue you."
And all the parents were like shocked. Then somebody came out and shouted
"Your mom is down there arguing with the Principal."
And I was like, "Yes, that's my mum."
This person I've known since the second grade.
She is my best friend, She's basically a sister.
- Twiiiiins. - Isa.
Younger Joan is exactly this Joan.
I see her and I don't see a supermodel,
I see my friend.
Like, I remember her being my same tall, like.
The same height.
And then one summer, she's like, "Guys, I think I grew."
Oh no, you grew.
And you grew really tall.
- And skinny and awkward. - And skinny.
And she was bumping with everything.
I wanted to make sure, like, I still fit in
so I would always, like, have a hunchback.
Out of all the people in school, like,
especially like a country school,
she was the only one who spoke English
- so it was like. - They called us 'gringas'.
We were called gringas just because we spoke English.
We were like, "No, we're Puerto Rican."
It's like, she always had, like, more of an open mind
and that's why our relationship, like, matured
- and grew. - But we were also...
- Very mischievous together. - Exactly.
And we wouldn't get caught which was the genius part of it.
Because we were smart.
Because we were smart students. How could we possibly do it?
Us? A straight A student?
I always say, that I learned humor at school.
-Sure. -That's what helped me at work.
People are always criticizing, what you are, what they see you as.
And it was like, I've heard it all.
You want to show them tricks, Karmy? Yeah.
Stay.
Eat it. Yay. Good girl.
Everybody, this is my big baby Karma.
Because Karma's a bitch.
Get it?
So, this is basically her domain.
All this balcony.
So, all the rooms face that view.
So, every time we grew up, we would open up the curtains
and just look out there.
That's called Cordillera Central de Puerto Rico
and it usually protects from the hurricanes so
mountains break up hurricanes and that's what they do.
The scary thing is, like, you know, growing up in Puerto Rico,
you're accustomed to hurricanes, right?
You have hurricane season.
It's just you never know what year it's going to be
that's going to take it to that place, you know?
I remember I was working in Milan during show season.
I'm a pretty strong person and I can control my emotions
but I remember just being at the hotel room like,
breaking down seeing those images, you know?
I really can't be here. I cannot do this right now.
I cannot go backstage and someone ask me,
"Have you heard about your family?"
And it's like.
To hear somebody complain about their shoe that doesn't fit.
Like, I'm dealing with my family stuck on an island
with no communication, don't know if they're okay.
People don't have light, don't have water, don't have homes.
Like, that's the last thing I want to hear about,
is somebody's shoe not fitting.
I left and I cancelled the show.
When you can't communicate with your family
for more than ten days, trust me, you know pain.
It's just so important to always take a pause.
What am I doing it for, you know?
Putting myself in that space of why I left Puerto Rico,
that reignites my passion.