- Meh! I don't listen to the radio.
Long story short, not me trying to come off hipster.
I'm sorry. But yeah, I don't listen to the radio.
I haven't for years.
Even growing up with my dad,
he would always just play curated playlists
that he created by himself.
So I literally haven't actually like officially sat down
and listened to what's on the radio for well over a decade.
Not to brag or anything. Okay, hipsters.
I'm sorry, I'm better than you.
So I have never been the best person
on finding out what's popping.
You don't come to me asking me
what's hot on the presses, girl,
I'm just gonna direct you towards Bjork.
I decided today, thought it was gonna be a stupid idea.
I'm gonna go down the Billboard Top 10,
and based on the minimal information I can get,
cover, artist's name, name of the song, genre,
and the lyrics, I'm going to break down
these top 10 songs, guess what they sound like,
and then listen to what they actually sound like later.
I think this is gonna be fun
'cause I probably only know like one song
that's in the top 10, let's be honest.
And let's be honest, it's probably something by Doja Cat.
I'm sorry. But what do I even title this video?
Hipster Guesses What the Top 10 Billboard Songs Sound Like?
(no audio)
Maybe, girl, lemme put on the glasses. Thumbnail.
(bright music)
Okay. Yeah we did, we did, we did.
"Billboard Hot 100, Week of December 9th." Oh, it's weekly?
(bright music)
Look at me learning. First things first.
We see a lot of Christmas songs.
That makes sense I guess, now that I know it's weekly.
But here's the thing, I know these Christmas songs,
so that would like destroy the purpose of the whole video.
So I think what we're gonna do,
instead of just doing the Billboard Top 10,
we're going to do the top 10 songs
that aren't Christmas music.
So we're gonna have to go beyond the top 10. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm lying to you already from the bat.
But what's a YouTube video
without a little bit of clickbait, you know?
First one is "Lovin' On Me" by Jack Harlow. Okay, oh yeah.
He's like the White boy of the year right now, right?
I might've heard this song. I am not fully certain.
Wow, whoa. There's a lot more than I expected.
Usually when I think of like Billboard Hot 100,
I'm thinking of like, Ooh, Kandy, Kandy, Kandy.
And just that repeated like for five minutes straight
or two minutes now because TikTok exists
and everyone gotta make a TikTok sound bite.
Actually, how long is this song? Not that I wanna know.
Song is two minutes long. Yep, that's how it is nowadays.
"I don't like no whips and chains
and you can't tie me down."
Okay, already attacking Rihanna.
♪ I like it, like it ♪
- See, here we are.
S&M was the theme song of a whole generation,
and now Gen Z slide in and said,
"Get that freaky shit away from us."
"But you can whip your lovin' on me, baby.
Whip your lovin' on me, baby. I'm vanilla, baby.
I'll choke you, but I ain't no killer, baby."
You know what? Be proud, have vanilla sex is the genre.
And you can be proud of that.
Some people are into that, some people just want that, okay?
They just wanna bump and go. And that's fine.
So here's the problem, I don't know if I'll listen
to a full Jack Harlow song all the way through, okay?
He's probably, see, I'm not sure. Okay, let's talk about it.
This video is not me trying to attack any artist.
This video is me just showcasing how out of the loop I am
when it comes to the top artist
of the fucking country, okay?
I am going to guess it goes like this. Okay.
- Ladies and gentlemen, her.
♪ Don't like no whips and chains, you can't tie me down ♪
♪ But you whip your lovin' on me, baby ♪
♪ Whip your lovin' on me, baby ♪
No, no, no.
Maybe
♪ I don't like no whips and chains and you can't tie me down ♪
♪ But you whip your lovin' on me, baby ♪
♪ Whip your lovin' on me, baby ♪
You know? I feel it, I feel it.
♪ I'm vanilla, baby ♪
♪ I'll choke you, but ain't no killer, baby ♪
I feel like he says baby like a grunge person.
I feel like he's like screaming it.
This is like a scream song, right?
♪ I don't like no whips and chains ♪
♪ She 28, telling me I'm still a baby ♪
♪ You can't tie me down ♪
♪ I get love from Detroit like Skilla Baby ♪
♪ You can whip your lovin' on me, baby ♪
Why is he rhyming baby with baby?
I've never realized how Opera is gonna be reading lyrics
to a song you don't know.
'Cause this is the number one song
of the Billboard Charts basically.
So it might be good. It has to be good.
But reading the lyrics, I'm like, girl, where is this going?
"I keep it short with a bitch, Lord Farquaad."
(no audio)
Okay, whatever. Whatever.
You know what? This is the number one song, okay?
This is the number one song.
Let me hear what this sounds like.
♪ I don't like no whips and chains ♪
- Oh.
(no audio)
Is it all sung? Wait, hold, does he sing?
♪ I'm vanilla, baby ♪
♪ I'll choke you, but I aint no killer, baby ♪
- Okay
♪ Thing about your boy is I don't like no whips and ♪
- Oh he does sing.
(no audio)
And I was so off, okay. I'm going to admit that right now.
I forgot that he's like a
♪ Yeah chicken noodle Sue and soda and I like that ♪
♪ 'Cause the baby got got got cold ♪
He doesn't have like inflictions. He's not like hard, okay?
He's like vanilla, girl. Vanilla.
Okay, well I'm not listening to the rest of the song
because I'm going to get literally this video taken down.
Bitch, I'm not even gonna make a cent from this.
Number two. Okay, girly, okay, girlies.
Here she is, girly. Y'all ready, girly?
"Cruel Summer," Taylor Swift.
(Mac laughs)
I don't think I've ever heard this song in my life.
Is that the one that's like?
(Mac vocalizes)
No, that's "Lover," isn't it, girl?
You gotta think Taylor. Singer, songwriter, slash pop.
Used to be country but not anymore.
She's kinda like, "Hey, hi." You know what I mean?
Okay, "Fever dream high in the quiet of the night.
You know that I caught it, bad, bad boy
Shiny toy with a price, you know that I bought it" Okay.
What? "Killing me slow out the window.
I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below.
Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes.
What doesn't kill me makes me want you more."
(no audio)
Okay, so this is about a boy. Duh.
You know Taylor Swift, okay?
That's why we love her, girly. She writes her diary.
"Ooh, whoa, oh it's a cruel summer." Okay.
(fingers scratching)
How? Okay, where?
♪ Fever dream, high in the quiet of the night ♪
♪ You know that I caught it, bad, bad boy ♪
No, that's gonna be a background.
♪ Shiny toy with a price, you know that I bought it ♪
(no audio)
Yeah, honestly, honestly? Yeah.
This part's gonna be slower. This one is slow.
♪ Killing me slow ♪
(Mac imitates drumbeat)
♪ Out the window ♪
♪ I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below ♪
(no audio)
Yeah!
♪ Devils roll the dice ♪
She goes up out of here, I feel it in my bone. And another.
(Mac imitates drumbeat)
♪ Angels roll their eyes ♪
♪ What doesn't kill me makes me want you more ♪
You know? And then I think this part is the chorus.
So I know it's just a chorus
and she doesn't hold chorus in like the toppest octave.
I hear her, I hear her.
♪ It's new, the shape of your body. ♪
♪ It's blue, the feeling I've got ♪
♪ It's like ooh, whoa, it's a cruel summer ♪
You know? I think I'm going somewhere.
♪ But ooh, whoa, oh, it's a cruel summer with you ♪
(no audio)
Bitch, I think I got this.
♪ Fever dream high in the quiet of the night ♪
- Okay.
(indistinct rattling)
I still think I was close, you know? Fuck you, okay?
♪ Killing me slow, out the window ♪
- Oh.
♪ Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes ♪
(Mac screams)
Let's rewind.
♪ Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes ♪
Now let's hear.
♪ Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes ♪
- Together.
♪ Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes ♪
- Period.
(no audio)
Exact, bitch. Shut up, (indistinct)
♪ And it's new, the shape of your body ♪
♪ It's blue, the feeling I've got ♪
♪ And it's ooh, whoa, oh ♪
- Okay.
(Mac laughs)
I know her, I know her.
Maybe I'm a Swifty after all at this point.
I told you, her choruses, she likes to go.
(Mac vocalizes)
You know what I mean? I rocked that, I rocked, okay?
I exceeded my expectations, okay?
That's why I'm excited. I don't give a shit what you think.
"Paint The Town Red" by Doja Cat.
I know this and I already guessed Doja Cat
was going to be on the list.
Bitch, I said what I said, girl. "Snooze" by SZA.
I actually do not know this SZA song
and that kinda bothers me, because girl, I love me some SZA.
I love me some SZA. "I'll touch that fire for you.
I do that three, four times again, I testify for you.
I told that lie, I'd kill that bitch.
I do what all of them around you scared to do, I'm not.
Long as you juggin' out here for me, I got it.
Mobbin', schemin', lootin', hiding your bodies.
Long as you dreamin' 'bout me, ain't no problem.
I don't got nobody, just with you right now.
Tell the truth, I look better under you, bitch."
Okay, think SZA.
(Mac vocalizing)
Okay.
♪ I'll touch that fire for you ♪
♪ I do that three, four time again, then I find you ♪
♪ I told that lie, I'd kill that bitch ♪
♪ I do what all of them around you scared to do, I'm not ♪
You know?
♪ Long as you juggin' out here for me, I got it ♪
♪ Mobbin' and schemin' and lootin' and hiding those bodies ♪
♪ Long as you dreamin' 'bout me, ain't no problem ♪
♪ I don't got nobody, just with you right now ♪
♪ Tell the truth, I look better under you ♪
You know, that's her. That's SZA.
"I can't lose when I'm with you. How can I snooze?"
Oh, oh, I know this song. I don't know the first part.
We're gonna see if I got the first part right.
I think I got it though. I got it though, let's go.
♪ I'll touch that fire for you ♪
(indistinct lyrics)
♪ I testify for you ♪
- Okay.
(no audio)
So I was right.
♪ Mobbin', scheming, looting ♪
- Okay, I was close. Rewind.
♪ Mobbin', scheming, looting, hide your bodies ♪
- Mine!
♪ Mobbin' and scheming and plotting, hiding those bodies ♪
Together.
♪ Longs as you juggin' out here for me I got it ♪
♪ Mobbin' and scheming and looting, hiding those bodies ♪
- Period.
(no audio)
We are now outside of the top 10. "Greedy" by Tate McRae.
This is a name I have never heard in my life. Okay?
Is this the new pop girly? It's giving pop, girl.
Giving (Indistinct). What a great name.
Like being a pop girly named Tate. That's honestly a mood.
That's honestly a vibe. You should just whip by, Tate.
So "Greedy."
So I'm guessing it's about her
being like greedy for attention, sex, or money.
Maybe it's about money.
"He said, 'Are you serious? I tried but I can't figure out.
I've been next to you all night
and still don't know what you're about.'"
Oh, rhyming. "'Keep your ta-ta-ta-talkin'
but not much coming out your mouth.
Can't you tell that I want you?' I say yeah."
Art. Okay, so we're thinking pop girl.
And one thing I know that pop girlies love to do,
especially when they're new
and they're like coming into the scene,
the first thing they do when they come into a song
is that vocal fry.
♪ He said, are you serious, I tried but I can't figure out ♪
♪ I've been next to you all night ♪
♪ And still don't know what you're about ♪
(Mac imitates drumbeat)
♪ Yeah, keep ta-ta-ta-talkin' ♪
♪ But not much coming out your mouth ♪
♪ Can't you tell that I want you, I said yeah ♪
You know? You know how the pop girls do.
Okay, the new ones, they love you like bring back 2000 shit,
and they, I mean Ava Max, okay?
♪ I would want myself, baby please believe me ♪
♪ I'll put you through hell just to know me, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ So sure of yourself, baby don't get greedy ♪
♪ That shit won't end well, ooh, end well ♪
Okay, then end part, I fucked up the end part.
♪ Would want myself, baby please believe me ♪
- Oh.
(no audio)
Shall we just play my part again?
♪ I would want myself, baby please believe me ♪
And then put 'em together?
♪ I would want myself, baby please believe me ♪
(no audio)
- I'm gonna just move on. "I Remember Everything."
Zach Bryan featuring Casey Musgraves.
Okay, so this must be country.
"Rot gut whiskey's gonna ease my mind." Yep, country.
"Beach towel rests on the dryin' line.
Do I remind you of your daddy in his '88 Ford?"
Yep, country.
♪ Rot gut whiskey's gonna ease my mind ♪
♪ Beach towel rests on the dryin' line ♪
♪ Do I remind you of your daddy in his '88 Ford ♪
♪ Labrador hangin' out the passenger door ♪
You know how country, sorry, art, how they sing?
(no audio)
'Cause I don't.
So it's like a song about a man having a drinking problem.
Isn't that like every country song, dead-ass?
Like every country song I've heard is like.
♪ I drink too much whiskey and now I'm divorced ♪
This gonna be octafying.
♪ A cold shoulder at closing time ♪
♪ You were beggin' me to stay 'til sun rose ♪
What?
♪ Strange words come out of a grown man's mouth ♪
♪ When his mind's broke ♪
(slow music)
Oh, it's sad country.
(no audio)
Maybe I. Okay, I'm gonna leave again.
You know, I'm just gonna leave again.
An emotional song, not a angry one. I made it angry.
For my excuse, the only country music I really listen to
is Carrie Underwood and Delta Rae,
and they're very angry people, they make some angry music.
♪ Rot gut whiskey's gonna ease my mind ♪
- Okay, so I'm completely, I'm completely off.
Do I wanna listen to the rest of it? Not really.
I gotta fight this copyright.
What are we learning so far?
I don't know, pop, I don't know country,
but I know me some Taylor Swift, bitch.
"Water" by Tyla.
Another song by another person I have never heard before.
(bright circus music)
♪ Make me sweat, make me hotter ♪
♪ Make me lose my breath, make me water ♪
♪ Make me sweat, make me hotter ♪
♪ Make me lose my breath, make me water ♪
That's it.
♪ Make me sweat ♪
- Oh. ♪ Make me hotter ♪
- Oh. - Make me lose my breath
- Oh. ♪ Make me water ♪
(no audio)
- I've heard this song before. I've heard it.
I've heard that part.
I do not know why that didn't click into my head
when I was reading the lyrics.
See, this is what happen when you read the lyrics of a song
that you're not fully certain of, you just go places.
Okay, now that I'm like getting into like the top 20,
I think I'm just gonna do one more song
and then we're gonna call it a video.
We're just gonna do "Last Night" by Morgan Wallen.
I've seen this man's name many times before,
but I have never heard a single song from this man.
Don't know what he sounds like,
nor have I ever heard his name spoken out loud before.
That's how out loop I am for the country people.
I am so sorry. Okay
"Last night we let the liquor talk.
Can't remember everything we said, but we said it all.
You told me you wish I was somebody you never met,
but baby something's tellin' me this ain't over yet."
Once again a country song talking about drinking too much.
(no audio)
Is there a problem in the South?
♪ Last night we let the liquor talk ♪
♪ I can't remember everything we said, but we said it all ♪
♪ You told me that you wish I was somebody you never met ♪
You know?
♪ But baby, baby, something's telling me this ain't over yet ♪
♪ No way it was our last night ♪
(no audio)
That's a billboard chopping song.
(peaceful music)
It's slow, it's sad. I get a point there.
I'm giving myself a point there, okay? I don't know country.
♪ Last night we let the liquor talk ♪
♪ I can't remember everything you said, but we said it all ♪
- Okay.
Yep, I was wrong, who care? Who care?
- It's.
- (indistinct), I should've just done a Doja Cat song,
act like I didn't know what it was.
It woulda caught a quick W. But no, here I am.
I don't know popular music apparently.
You know what? I'm not afraid to admit that.
I'm a 27-year-old man that thinks on its own.
I'm too busy making money
than to listen to the fucking radio.
I ain't scrolling TikToks, girl.
I'm making videos that end up on TikTok,
stolen by somebody else.
Joseph Sephtisishell and @BattleTeaCake
retweeted my last tweet on Twitter,
or reposted my last posts on X, okay.
Comment down below, what is your favorite song
on the Billboard Hot 100, if you know the Billboard Hot 100?
Maybe I don't even know the song at the same time, okay?
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I listen to Bjork.
You think I'm listening to.
♪ I don't like no ♪
- When I've been listening to.
(upbeat music)
Girl, I am lost. Anyways, bye.
My name is Mac, and don't forget like, comment,
share and subscream, babe.
(Mac screams)