INTRO
We all know that Slashers are guilty of at least one shared crime. We’ll admit,
the slashing does sort of overshadow all other sins.
But that doesn’t mean the lesser stuff should go unpunished entirely, does it?
Hi, I’m ________ from WickedBinge and today we will be looking at ALL the
crimes committed by some of the scariest slashers that horror movies have to offer.
RULES
We have selected thirteen slasher villains and will be punishing them for their many,
many crimes. We will go over the crimes committed in each
character’s respective franchise. We will start by sentencing them for all their misdemeanors and
non-lethal felony offenses before tallying up their body count for an additional punishment.
Some movies (remakes, crossovers, fan films,
etc.) will not be considered, but we’ll always be sure to tell you which are on the docket.
Since some of the crimes committed have supernatural elements, some liberties
must be taken with classification. Likewise, since not all slashers could be sentenced to
traditional execution methods, we may have to get a bit specific for some of the criminals
being tried. For that reason, the court finds that a spoiler warning is officially in order.
Finally, we won’t be taking into consideration any hearsay,
i.e. fan theories or implied crimes with no on-screen evidence.
With all that said, let’s hope these baddies got themselves some
good lawyers because there is a lot to go through.
THE LIST
The first case we’ll be reviewing is that of Carrie White
While not a traditional slasher, she is definitely the one to watch in the 1976
movie of the same name. Not only does she have the highest body count of the film,
but she is without question the strongest. You don’t want to get
on her bad side. Or even be in a room with someone else who did get on her bad side.
To that effect.
Regarding her telekinetic stunt in the gymnasium after prom,
where she starts an electrical fire while also locking students into
the room, we have no choice but to do some sentencing. We’re going to start with arson,
because whether or not she intended the fire specifically, it was obviously caused by her
intention to do harm. We’re also going to charge her with 67 counts of manslaughter.
While you could argue that all the students who died or were injured
in the gym were intended victims, we would argue that there were just a
lot of casualties while the people she was targeting were picked off.
For the fire, electricity, and the many, MANY deaths along the way, we are sentencing Ms.
White to life in prison, with the hope for rehabilitation – at least we would,
were it not also for the three counts of murder in the first degree. You could argue
that Chris Hargensen, Billy Nolan, and the defendant’s mother Margaret White were all
aggressors. Keeping that in mind, Carrie’s final sentencing is to life in a psychiatric
facility that hopefully is equipped to deal with her special (lethal) abilities.
Next up is a criminal heavy hitter, Freddy Krueger.
This is not his first time being in court, but we will not be letting him off on any
technicalities this time around. Freddy comes from the much acclaimed A Nightmare
on Elm Street franchise. We will be looking at the character across the original 1984 film as
well as its following sequels through to the sixth installation; Freddy’s Dead in 1991.
In the time that he is alive we see him kill one man (confirmed) as well as abuse,
then murder his wife. There is evidence to support that
he killed (at least) twenty children as well before being burned alive.
His dream crimes, which will be addressed since they carry over to the real world,
are numerous as well. There is one count of arson for setting 1428 Elm Street ablaze in the first
film. There are two counts of stalking, one for Nancy from the first to third film and one for
Alice from the fourth to the fifth film. Even though a lot of his inappropriate attraction
to minors was (thankfully) never confirmed, we do see him lick Nancy and catfish two different
teenage boys before their demise, so that is a total of three counts of inappropriate conduct
with minors. We’re also adding one count of animal cruelty for making Jesse’s bird explode.
For the crimes already listed, we sentence him to 50 years solitary insomnia in the
physical realm. No access to anyone’s dreams and no visits from his little demon friends.
And then there are the approximately 55 deaths over the course of these six movies,
including the 20 murdered children, his foster father, his wife, and six
separate sets of teenage victims. Though this more than warrants the death penalty,
we honestly don’t want to know what he’d come back as if he died again. For that reason we’ll
be adding an additional 54 consecutive life sentences to his time in metaphysical prison.
Up next is Jason Voorhees
The court recognizes that Jason Voorhees is not at full mental capacity. Even still, his crimes
are shocking and must be addressed.We’ll be taking into consideration his actions from the original
Friday the 13th film in 1980, as well as the following nine sequels through to Jason X in 2001.
As we’re all aware, his mother may have been the killer in the first movie. But Jason still
manages to rack up his first assault charge for attacking Alice when she is in the boat.
It might be worth noting that the only movie in which he acquires no charges whatsoever
would be Friday the 13th pt 5, where Roy is masquerading as Jason – who doesn’t even do
any property damage during that time. Speaking of which, we’re going to go ahead and give him two
counts of property damage for the two most serious offenses, the sinking of the S. S.
Lazarus and the destruction in the diner, both from part 8. There is one charge of stalking,
since he follows Alice from Camp Crystal Lake to her home for his revenge at the beginning of
part 2. We’re classifying the inhabiting of his victims bodies as kidnapping, for which
there are at least 3 counts. And finally, we’re going to go ahead and add one count of terrorism
for the countless lives lost in Jason X with the destruction of the Solaris Space Station.
Once again, we are hesitant to execute, lest we release another wave of possessions or a
resurrection spawning an even stronger uber Jason. But between the terrorism
charge and the additional 116 first degree murder charges, we feel we have no choice
but to try. We sentence him to death by drawing and quartering, with the addendum
that those quarters be sent off to different corners of the earth and put into cryofreeze.
Let’s face it, that probably would have been
the beginning to Part 11 had the franchise not rebooted.
Next on the Docket we have HellPriest (aka Pinhead)
Though Pinhead is an iconic character who makes appearances throughout the entire franchise,
we will be looking specifically at his pattern of behavior, which we feel is best exhibited
across the first three movies. This begins with Hellraiser in 1987 and the two immediate sequels.
Unlike the other criminals on our list, there are no murder charges brought against Pinhead. He
doesn’t murder so much as kidnaps people to a different realm of existence and torture their
souls for eternity. Our existing criminal justice system really doesn’t have a term for that.
We can, however, begin by nailing (or pinning) him with a charge of false advertising. While he
may only claim to be an explorer into the further regions of experience, his followers on earth are
peddling infinite pleasure with the help of The Lament Configuration, which is misleading at best.
Then of course, the kidnapping, assault and eternal torture of his victims – all
of which can be paired with stalking charges for the way he relentlessly
follows those who solve his puzzle box across even the boundaries of dimension.
For unconventional crimes we must have unconventional punishments as well. A
fine of 100 souls for the false claims made by his organization,
The Order of the Gash. For the other deaths, abductions and tortures,
we sentence him to be reverted back to his human form of Elliot Spencer,
as there is evidence to support he would enjoy all other forms of more traditional punishment.
Following him is Leatherface
For this we will be looking at the original timeline of the films, which means we’ll only
be taking into consideration the original film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974 and its
two direct sequels, ending with Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 3 in 1990.
Bubba Sawyer is a victim of his environment. The Sawyer clan raises him to be a killer,
and he didn’t have much chance at a normal life. However we
think his victims would agree that his rough upbringing is not a free pass.
Across the two films we have to charge him with two counts of kidnapping, one for Sally Hardesty
and one for Vanita “Stretch” Brock. We’re also charging him with assault on both those women,
and the attempted murder of Sally Hardesty. While most of the damage done was on Sawyer property,
we also have to charge him with the destruction of the radio station. While we’re at it,
we’re going to throw a reckless endangerment charge for the chainsaw
wielding in a car stunt he pulled with Chop Top in the second movie.
Since he is one of the few slashers we think has SOME chance of being properly detained,
we sentence him to fifty years behind bars for the aforementioned crime.
For the twenty four confirmed deaths across the three films,
we will be adding twenty four consecutive life-sentences – which
will actually be doubled for forty-eight consecutive life sentences since for the
cannibalism associated (often tried as a first degree murder charge in its own rite.)
Up next is Art the Clown
Though Art first showed up as a character in the anthology film All Hallows’ Eve, you may be better
familiarized with him from his starring roles in Terrifier and Terrifier 2. We’ll be looking at
all three of the films, though with a strong focus on Terrifier for its tangible depiction of crimes.
From All Hallows’ Eve he earns one count of breaking and entering,
and a second count for that in Terrifier 2, along with kidnapping. For his crimes in
Terrifier we’re charging him with solicitation and the wilful destruction of property. In all
three installations he is racking up more charges of desecration of a corpse than we
can count (literally, we can’t figure out how many corpses he desecrates how many times.)
Based off solely what we’ve listed so far (and the violent nature of his upcoming murder charges) Art
is the one candidate on our list we think could make a plea for insanity. Though his chances of
being rehabilitated are exceedingly low, we sentence him to (eternal) life in whatever
psychiatric facility dares to hold him. This works well since he apparently cannot be killed,
and therefore would be difficult to sentence to death. Between the chaos and help from his
demonic/extra-terrestrial friends in All Hallows’ Eve, the exact number of murders
is difficult to pin down, but we have it in the ballpark of around twenty charges.
Following him is a more focused villain; Annie Wilkes
Annie Wilkes makes her appearance in the 1990 film, Misery. While she does not have
the scope of some of the upcoming killers, we simply cannot let her get away scot free.
For her abduction, restraint, physical and psychological torture of Paul Sheldon,
we sentence her to death, though we do not think her demise in the
movie was all that it could have been. Execution by hobbling is not a thing,
but she deserved to at least think about what she did on her way to the electric chair.
Then we hop back to another unconventional villain; Sadako Yamamura
It is important to note here that we are charging Sadako and not her
American counterpart Samara, who would have had to have been charged as a child.
The entire Ring franchise is filled with people essentially sentencing themselves to
death within seven days. But we need to look at Sadako’s crimes and sentence her for a change.
There is a very real case to be made for murder here, as there have been for most
of the killers on the docket today. Rather than get into the semantics of abduction,
cursing, and scaring someone to death, we are going to charge Sadako with hacking!
Her paranormal cybercrimes intentionally led to
the death of at least eleven people over the course of Ringu and Ringu 2,
not to mention the destruction and haunting of several electronic devices along the way.
For her crimes we are sentencing her to (eternal) life imprisonment inside a
Faraday Cage. Let’s only hope she can’t escape that as easily as a VHS tape.
Next we have one of our most prolific slashers; Charles Lee Ray (also known as Chucky)
For this one we’ll be looking at the Child’s Play Trilogy, as well as Bride of Chucky,
Seed of Chucky, Curse of Chucky, and Cult of Chucky – but not the remake of Child’s Play or
the television series Chucky. Even with those exclusions, we have a lot of ground to cover.
First and foremost, we have to talk about identity
theft. Though it seems silly to claim Charles stole the identity of a doll,
he did masquerade as Buddy, which helped him get into a position to commit his other, worse crimes.
We’re going to start off with one charge of manslaughter for the death of Colonel Cochrane,
who Chucky was attacking when he died of a heart attack, surprising even the possessed doll.
We also have to charge him with the forced impregnation of Jennifer Tilly. (And we’re
going to go ahead and tack on a misdemeanor just for making us read that sentence,
which was gross.) Then there is one charge of child abandonment and another charge of reckless
child endangerment for the environment that Glen/Glenda eventually returns to.
For these crimes, we are sentencing him back into
his body under careful watch. For the roughly 49 charges of murder to follow,
we will be sentencing him to death by lethal injection. We have seen what happens when
this soul gets too close to electricity, so we’re not going to risk the electric chair.
Following him up is his Bride Tiffany Valentine!
If 49 deaths seemed low to you for all those movies,
it’s because there are a handful more that will be attributed to Tiffany.
She also (unfortunately) needs charged for the forced impregnation of Jennifer Tilly,
as well as identity theft, since she continues to live the life of
Ms. Tilly following her successful possession (at least for a while.)
Like Chucky, we’re going to give her one count of child abandonment, but Tiff won’t be taking
a charge for reckless child endangerment. The environment still was not safe for their
daughter/son, but unlike Chucky, Tiffany did all that she could do to improve conditions.
Will it be enough to spare her? No.
We sentence her soul back into her original body,
and then we sentence that body to death by lethal injection for the seven counts of murder.
NOTE - Make sure you use the 1990 mini series version, not the recent films
Sticking in supernatural territory for a while, we will be sentencing Pennywise next.
For this we will be looking at both halves of the 1990 miniseries; IT. Keep in mind that
the crimes on the docket today are only the ones we have the video evidence of,
and not the countless implied crimes committed by the shapeshifting entity.
Our first charge against him is trespassing. This clown is everywhere – and we mean clown
in both a literal and derogatory sense. He’s even worse than Art, who can only break in
and stalk physical locations. Pennywise is anywhere and everywhere including dreams,
photos, the theater, the bathroom, and for some reason even the school
showers. We’re going to go ahead and drop a voyeurism charge here as well,
because there are at least two of those places it’s especially inappropriate for someone to be.
We will double down with stalking and harassing minors. If only there were
a way to get a demonic restraining order, the loser’s club might have been spared.
And this may seem minor, but before we get to the sentencing
we would like to go ahead and add a charge for public disturbance as well. We mean,
really, who would pop so many blood balloons in the library?
For all these counts, and taking into consideration Pennywise’s eternal,
near-unkillable nature, we sentence him to 200 years solitary confinement,
during which he would be kept from feeding off the
fear of the town. (It seems harsh, but he’ll be hibernating 27 years of that away at a time.)
For the killing of 13 children (and serving as an accessory to two other deaths) we will
be sentencing him to solitary for another four hundred and five years.
That’s fifteen of IT’s hibernation cycles, during which we believe it
honestly might starve to death without the fear of any children to sustain it.
Cruel and unusual though the punishment may be, we could not think of a more fitting end
to the shapeshifter’s rehabilitation than simply, you know, not feeding off kids.
Moving back to more human killers, we have Michael Meyers.
We said more human, not entirely human. After all, there’s a good case to be
made for Michael having some supernatural capabilities. Contrary to the cases posed
by some of the other slasher villains, we will be looking at Michael’s actions
in the most modern iteration of the Halloween timeline – which we feel is cleaner and more
widely accepted than some of the early sequels. This will include the original 1987 Halloween,
and its recent Blumhouse legacy trilogy, concluding with Halloween Ends in 2022.
The obvious charge is stalking. We have seen time and time again that
Michael can be an efficient killer, but he can also be a hyper-focused one. His
obsession with Laurie Strode spans over four decades without ever letting up.
We also have to charge him with at least three counts of breaking and
entering. The first is in the original Halloween, the second in Halloween Kills,
and the third in Halloween Ends. Each time he makes his way into the Strode house to carry
on his reign of terror. He breaks into other homes over the course of the three movies,
but it’s harder to keep track of the ones that he’s just passing through.
Finally, we’re charging him as an accomplice to Cory’s 11 murders in Halloween Ends because,
well, he basically taught him how to do it.
For these crimes alone we would be tempted to imprison him to confinement, but we know
better. Michael Meyers cannot, and will not be confined. And with the additional 54 deaths,
we feel comfortable sentencing him to death by injection, electric chair,
firing squad or trash compactor – whatever it takes to finally put him in the ground.
Our thirteenth and final killer on the docket is John Kramer
We saved the wildest case for last. As John sees it, and has said often,
he is not a killer. He doesn’t kill people, he finds ways for his victims to kill themselves.
We’re not too sure that holds up in a court of law. So let’s take a deeper look.
We’re going to be looking at his actions from the 2004 film Saw,
all the way through to the 2017 film, Jigsaw – 8 movies in total. Don’t worry,
we’ll be talking about some of them more than others.
While Jigsaw’s claim that he doesn’t “kill” his victims is technically true,
at least in most cases, there are PLENTY of other crimes at play. For instance, kidnapping.
Kramer is usually not the one doing the kidnapping himself, though we know he
has in a couple instances, such as with his first victim, Cecil, and when he abducted
Mark as part of the recruitment process. It’s important to establish, however,
that anything planned directly by Kramer and brought to fruition by his assistants
is something that he can be sentenced for. It’s the Saw-universe equivalent of the Manson family.
In the interest of making things simple we’re going to overlook some minor crimes
that are heavily implied, but not stated, such as what weapon class
some of his inventions fall under and where he is procuring the substances
required to so consistently drug his victims… or burn them with acid.
Instead we’re going to be tallying up the three types of crime we intend to charge
him with; kidnapping, accessory to murder, and of course, murder.
He is going to be taking A LOT of kidnapping charges, starting with Cecil an ending
posthumously with Bobby Dagen. As we said earlier, it does not matter whether he does
the heavy lifting in these instances, just so long as it was done by his people under
his orders. That’s (roughly) 63 counts of kidnapping, all accompanied with either a
drugging or assault charge. This is based on the number of victims in Jigsaw traps (that
were approved of by Kramer) that would have had to have been forcibly taken to the trap location.
Next we tally up all the crimes that Kramer was an accessory to. This means that all murders within
the traps or failed tests that COULD have been survivable will be counted here. Interestingly,
these guidelines make him an accessory not only to Jill’s death (which he was
against) but also his own death, which happened as a murder by Jeff
Denlon during a trap he himself organized. It comes out to 72 counts of accessory to murder.
When you are an accessory to this many things and have organized this many traps and kidnappings,
you’re not innocent. Already we are looking at life in prison without the possibility
of parole. But let us not forget that we still have one type of crime left.
Yes. Despite what John would have us all believe, he is a killer. He trained two killers and while
he may have taken them out for disobeying him, we think he’s also who they learned
it from. When you look at hands on killings, as well as traps that were never meant to be
survived by ALL of the victims, there is blood that is undeniably on John’s hands.
For Adam, Troy, Detective Kerry, Hank, Aaron,
Gena, Dave,, and Mark Hoffman, we are charging John with 9 counts of murder.
In light of that, we have to adjust his sentence to execution by lethal
injection. We’d be curious to see if he has the will to survive it after all.
OUTRO
And that’s been it, everyone! Our sentencing of 13 slasher villains for all their petty
and horrendous crimes alike. Do you think we were too harsh? Too lenient? Was there a
slasher missing who you wanted to see? Let us know in the comments down below. While
you’re down there don’t forget to like, subscribe, and as always, Stay Wicked.