Griffon: What's going on?
Geoff: Getting spray tans...
For our photoshoot
Meg: Because you said you would to it..
Geoff: I said I would do it
Meg: And then he said,
"I'm gonna totally hold up my end of the bargain, I'm gonna do it!"
"I'll do it!"
Geoff: I'll tell you what else I'm gonna do. I'm gonna stop drinking.
Griffon: Yeah.
Meg: The one night in like two weeks that you drink I got you so... Geoff: I know, you got me so good...
Griffon: You know, she gave you an out. I remember-
Meg: I gave you so many outs. I was like, "I'm sending the email... are you sure?"
And you were like: "Do it!"
And Gavin told you, Gavin was like "Don't make- don't tell her to do it! 'cause she's gonna do it."
There were so many roadblocks!
Geoff: Yeah... well...
Griffon: So wait, when's the photoshoot?
Geoff: I have no idea.
Meg: The photoshoot is for The Chive.
Griffon: OK.
Meg: And I'm going to be in my underwear...
Griffon: OK.
Meg: Geoff says he wants to be in... I don't know if the Chive's going to LET you be in your underwear...
Griffon: I think you insist. You say: "You only take me in my underwear."
Geoff: They're gonna have to-
Griffon: You've got me in my underwear, you're gonna have to serve me fully-clothed.
Geoff: They're gonna have to put my clothes back on me.
Meg: We should look as tan as possible for the end of this, for the end of this-
So, we should both do bronze.
Employee: And then you have the option of light, medium, or dark.
Meg: I mean I guess light but... something in me says you should do dark.
Employee: ... it's a nice, gradual...
Meg: Yeah... it's up to you.
Geoff: Well, I mean I gotta do double legs.
Employee: OK, double legs, and then I'm gonna give you the full body prep, so you have a prep spray
...and then at the end, you get a moisturizing spray. Geoff: Excellent
Employee: So you're going to be sprayed like 25 times Griffon: You definitely want that.
Employee: Okay, I'm not exaggerating.
Meg: What about all the different ways we have to stand?
Employee: I’ll show you Meg: Ok great.
...cuz' he didn't watch the video and I only watched the video once
Employee: ...full body, dark bronze, double legs right?
Meg: Wait. Full body light.
Employee: No, no, no. It's umm...
...bronze light yeah!
Meg: Ok Geoff: Double light
Meg: Whoops
Meg: Ok, I haven't tanned in many years.
and... look at this fucking thing.
That is re-damn-diculous.
So uhh... I have to get naked
and then uhh... get in this thing.
See how it goes!
I'm all done. [giggles] That was such an experience.
Umm... I don't know if you can tell if I'm darker. I'm really worried-
Tanning Machine: AUTO WASH CYCLE WILL BEGIN NOW
I forget my booties in there and then it started washing itself?
It's like all wet in there.
Umm, so I guess they will stay in there because I am afraid it will get me wet.
Also, tan footprints
Meg: Ok, learn some lessons.
Meg: Let me share with you some of the lessons I learned Geoff: Oh god...
Meg: Lesson #1
She gives you very little time so you gotta memorize the numbers
You got to be like 1, 2, 4, 3.
Geoff: Okay Meg: So she'll be like...
...toes on 1, heels on 4 [snap] then she's going
So you gotta be like...
It's fine because it's front and back most of the time, but then you have to do this thing...
Don't panic.
Also the goggles make it hard to see
Thing #2. I forgot to put my height in.
So when it did my legs again...
It sprayed from here all the way down
Griffon: So it's like right under your boobs?
Meg: ...My boobs down are going to be double tan
Griffon: You're about to be so bronze.
You're going to look like "The Situation"
Employee: Good luck in there
Griffon: Good luck
Griffon: So shaded Meg: That's a tan gentleman
[Groan]
Geoff: That was one of the grosser things I've done.
Also I had to pee really badly
and uhh, every time that heater hit my junk...
I almost peed myself
[Laughter]
They almost had a lot more to clean up.
Meg: I was trying to... when I was trying to convince Gavin to come, I was like,
"You can get a tan dinker, that's a thing you can have".
Meg: Now you have one
Geoff: I got an orange dick
Griffon: Hey, let's see the results
Geoff: Is it bad?
Griffon: Alright, hold your hands out.
[Giggles]
Griffon: Did you not use the special lotion?
Geoff: I did
[Giggles]
Griffon: Maybe if you took a shower-
Geoff: My hands are orange
Griffon: Your face is a little bit orange and can I?...
Geoff: Oh god
Griffon: It got really dark in the hair area
I guess the hair like... kept it down
Geoff: Oh you son of... fucking god damn
Griffon: You can't blame anyone but yourself.
My phone is... hold on
[Rustling]
Griffon: I keep touching you with your like... tanning lotion, but its blurry now.
Geoff: Ahh Christ.
[Shower Running]
Geoff: This shit better come off
Griffon: It will
Geoff: I look like a Greek fisherman.
[80's Porno Music]