How do you save a relationship from a breakup? That's what we're going to be talking about
in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get
the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games,
without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something
that you are not because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful
person that you are. And if you agree with me, please do me a favor by giving this video
a thumbs up and by subscribing to this channel so that we can boost it a little bit in the
YouTube algorithm. So today is the day that we're going to be
making the big announcement that I've been hinting at for the past couple of videos.
And that is that we have a new course. It's called Effortless Connection. We're launching
it right now. There's a special launch promotion that you can find in the description box down
below. But what this course is is it basically helps you to bring your relationship back
into alignment so that you can make the relationship work and save it. So let's go ahead and talk
about relationships and how they get out of alignment.
So I've done a lot of coaching calls with people over the years, more than I can probably
count. And when I'm listening to someone's relationship story, there are really three
things that I've noticed that come out of alignment in that relationship that cause
the relationship to start to decline. And what's interesting is that when we start to
bring these three things back into alignment, the relationship starts to get better and
they can get back together if they've broken up or they can keep the relationship strong
if they haven't gotten to the point of breakup or divorce yet and all that.
And these are the same strategies that once I was able to put the picture together in
my mind, I started putting into practice in my own marriage, and my own marriage started
to get a whole lot smoother. So I use these things too myself. My marriage doesn't get
that far out of alignment these days, thankfully. So I use them in little small ways, but you
can use these in big ways as well too. So let's go ahead and get into this.
There are three main things that get out of alignment that cause a relationship to suffer.
The first one, and this is usually the first one that I recommend that most people start
with, is that at some point, the two people in the relationship stop seeing each other
as being on the same team and they start seeing each other as being on opposite teams. Now,
this can obviously take the form of something really dramatic, like fighting, arguing, screaming,
all that sort of stuff. But it can show up in much more subtle ways
as well too, such as not feeling like you can really open up and share the honest truth
about what you're thinking or feeling with your partner, or maybe you're not sure what
your partner's intentions are, maybe they're not sure what your intentions are, but there's
this sort of divide that's growing between the two of you that's like, "Okay, you're
someone I have to be a little bit careful of. You're someone that I can't really open
up with. You're someone that I have to have my guard up against."
And this whole being on the same team versus being on different teams, it is usually the
first thing that we have people work on, okay? Because it sets things up further on down
with the other two things that get out of alignment to work much better. So that is
the first thing that can cause a relationship to struggle is getting out of alignment when
it comes to being on the same team. The second thing is that the two people stop
communicating clearly with one another. And by communication, specifically, what I'm saying
is there are going to be things that happen as we talk, as we communicate back and forth
with one another, and we don't necessarily understand why they happen. Why someone said
something that they said, why someone did something that they did, why it took someone
a long time to respond to a text message, or why they made some sort of cryptic comment,
or why they phrased something a certain way, or whatever.
And oftentimes, these create gaps in our understanding. We don't know why they did it. We don't know
what their intention was. And our natural inclination is for us to use our mind to fill
in these gaps to try to make meaning out of the situation. So what can unfortunately happen
for many of us is that our limiting beliefs, our fears, our anxieties, our doubts, all
of these sorts of things can end up being projected into the gap. And we end up saying
things like, "Oh, they're trying to tell me that they don't want to be with me anymore.
They're trying to let me down easy. They're hoping that I take a hint. This is just proof
that I'm unlovable. This is just proof that I'm not good enough. This is just proof that
men or women always leave me in the end." And so on and so forth.
And what we want to do is we want to obviously minimize the number of gaps that we leave
for our partner to fall into themselves because they have their own stuff that they're dealing
with. But whenever we notice a gap that they leave for us, we want to try to close the
gap rather than fill it in with our own stuff, our own fears and securities and anxieties.
And we can do this cooperatively by just turning towards our partner and saying, "Hey, when
you said that, what did you mean by it?" Right? And this works a whole lot better if you have
the whole same team aspect in place first and foremost. So that's the second thing that
gets out of alignment. And obviously, clear communication that minimizes gaps and fills
in and closes gaps cooperatively is going to be helpful at maintaining a smooth relationship
dynamic. And the third thing that gets out of alignment
is that the two people in the relationship just don't trust one another. And by trust,
specifically what I'm talking about is can they consistently operate on the same team?
And can they consistently communicate clearly in a way that minimizes or closes these gaps
before they turn into a big gaping canyons that we often fill with all sorts of evidence
that this other person is dangerous and that they are just trying to screw us over or something
like that? And so, trust is something that if you are
able to consistently show up yesterday, today, day after that, day after that, day after
that, eventually, something's going to switch in your partner's mind or your mind, and that's
going to say, "Okay, this is it. I can just trust that this is going to work out. I can
trust that you're going to be this person that we can cooperate with, that we can have
this great communication with, that we can have a relationship with, that we can continue
to go on this journey of life, this endless path of life together with, and we can continue
to build a life together with." And so these are the three things that can
get out of alignment in a relationship. And if we start to bring them back into alignment,
the relationship starts to work a whole lot better. This is something that I have coached
a lot of people on, whether they are currently in a relationship, in a relationship that's
struggling, whether they're going through a breakup and they still have the ability
to communicate with their ex and all sorts of things. And this can definitely bring things
back into alignment and tighten these sorts of things up.
And so, this is really what we're covering in our new course called Effortless Connection.
Like I said before, this is the first day that we're officially announcing this being
open. So we have some special launch discounts and bonuses and stuff like that. Go ahead
and find them down in the description box below. I'm not going to say them here on YouTube
because I don't know if you're going to watch this video on the day that I publish it or
months or years down the line, and I don't want to unnecessarily say something that someone
might see down the line and then they're like, "Oh, hey, is that still available?" No, it's
not. We have our launch bonus that's going from now until November 22nd or until the
first 50 people sign up, whichever happens first, but I'll keep you updated on all of
this. But, yeah, that's what's going on. Again, Effortless Connection is brand new. I created
it with a group of coaching people over the summer and now we're ready to officially launch
it to the world. So here it is. But, yeah, those are the ways that you can
save your relationship from a breakup. Focus on those three things, being on the same team,
communicating with one another so that you can minimize these gaps, and building trust,
okay? And it's through constantly doing this that you're going to start to restore balance
in your relationship, whether your relationship is doing okay and doing all right, but it
could use a little bit of a lift, or whether things are really bad and maybe even falling
apart or maybe even have already fallen apart and the two of you are already broken up.
And another thing that you might be wondering is like, "Okay, how is this different from
the Ex Solution course?" Right? And that's a good question. Effortless Connection is
really for you if communication is the big thing that you need to work on and if you
have the ability to be in contact and communicate with your ex or partner. If they're just not
talking to you because too much damage has been done or something like that, or communication
isn't the right thing for you, then Effortless Connection is probably not the right path
to take. But if you do want to focus on communication and you do have the ability to communicate
with your partner or ex then, yeah, Effortless Connection might be a good fit for you.
On the other hand, if you want to learn more about your ex's emotional experience, the
emotional world that they go through, such as wall of reactance, test drive stage, riding
the dragon, crisis point, new beginnings, and all that, how to get from one spot to
the next and how to connect with them through the emotional level, then the Ex Solution
course is probably the right choice for you in that case.
Anyway, with all that being said, that's the big announcement. Thank you so much for listening
to that. I hope that even if you don't decide to join with us, you can take the lessons
from this video and maybe apply them to your relationship or future relationship moving
forward from here. But once again, you can find the link for Effortless Connection down
below in the description box. Thank you so much. If you did find this useful and helpful,
please hit that thumbs up button. It helps us out with the YouTube algorithm. And feel
free to subscribe as well too. Once again, if you want to learn more about your ex's
emotional world, please feel free to check out this video series over here on your ex's
five stages, or you might want to check out this video right here. But thanks so much.
That's our big announcement. Thanks so much. I'll talk to you again next time. Please take
care.