chuckle how do you give feedback to someone without everyone taking it
personal I try to give criticism regarding their work or actions while
not attacking their character but unfortunately many feel that it's
personal yeah welcome to the world
people don't like chrism criticism and I almost put eight no one in the world
like scripts okay so there might be point zero zero zero zero one percent of
the world that's really like open and ready for feedback right but most people
even when they say even when they tell you they want feedback they don't want
it they don't want it like let me let me give an example if you echo Charles yes
we're like you made a video and it took you an hour don't even write you know
like you could come to me and say hey what do you think you know and I was
like well you know I think you framed this up wrong how what's your reaction
to that I mean there's no possible way that you're stoked on that they're just
now luckily you know we know each other you can detach me be like all right I
need you he doesn't he's not pointing this out to me for no reason whatever
but what I'm saying is even when you're saying hey what do you think of this and
I criticize something that you work so hard on there's no one in the world
that's happy about that even when they asked for it
mmm-hmm so you have to flank people that's what you have to do now he's
asking specifically how do you do this so here's some things what one of the
things that I do when I want to give someone Chris's my don't give him
criticism what I do is I ask them questions about whatever it is now he
this is interesting I'm not even talking about pointed
questions I'm not even talking about like hard questions I'm talking I'm not
saying like why did you do that you know I'm talking about hey why did you do it
that way like there's a big difference between
like hey why did you do it that way yeah like instead of saying hey echo that
frame it doesn't look good hey why'd you frame that up like that mmm right so now
I'm getting you to think about it right but I'm not gonna say do how are you to
make that work mmm you know I'm gonna say well hey do you think you're gonna
be able to make that work if if you did something and it doesn't
go well I'm not gonna say you know did you actually think that was a good idea
instead I'm gonna say it's again it's not pointing question let me say well
hey did that unfold the way you thought it was gonna unfold and you know you're
gonna get to answer the question now you're gonna be the you're gonna be the
person that uncovers the fault it's gonna be you not me and that makes it so
much more palatable to everyone when they're able to say oh yeah you know I
saw this over here and most the time the person knows the
truth most of the time the person knows that that thing's not framed up right
they know that their idea was not great so you don't need to punch him in the
face with it cuz that's actually gonna make him get defensive
so you flank him you ask him the questions you talk about it you discuss
the subject and what you do is you guide them you guide them to a mirror you
guide them to a mirror and then and then you look at that bear mm-hmm you set
them up so they have to look in that mirror so that they can see the problems
themselves and once they see the problems themselves they can start to
correct them now sometimes you sometimes it's your ego that wants even once they
see the problem themselves do people want them to take credit for showing
that misleads you you got to check your ego you got to make sure that your ego
isn't saying I want to prove to this person that I know how to frame this up
better then you got to put that all in check and you gotta just let you're
gonna let them have it so now are there situations where you can give really
good frank feedback yes there is but you have to have a good relationship for
that person a really good really good relation if that person and then usually
one of the best ways to to make this happen is that the feedback the negative
feedback is going both ways meaning I want to get negative feedback about my
performance from that person so that there's some equanimity in what's being
said amongst us right so I might be little you know I might say hey echo hey
man I I you know I did this uh I answer this question on Q&A did you think that
was a good answer because I think you know I think could have been better and
you say yeah you know you dragged on you talk too long and whatever you give me
some critique and then I go oh yeah hey and by the way the lighting on that
didn't look good right and so now we have a little mutual criticism and it's
all good it makes a little bit more palatable to you because I made the
thing and so that sometimes works but what's interesting is even when you do
that some people just don't even freaking care and and they even after
they just tear you apart and then you throw a little little like a little nick
on their shoulder on their an arm you give them a little nick about something
that wasn't right they still get so you have to be really you have to have a
really great relationship with that person to be able to have just that
straight straight feedback but build relationships ask them questions let
them find their own fault if you can and be their guide let them guide them to
that mirror got into their faults now of course there are some people that won't
even find their own faults no matter how you guide them and how hard you try and
twist them to look in the mirror you have to let them know you actually have
to come out and say what's going on you have to be more direct now luckily if a
person is the type of person that fails to see their own faults they begin to
fail right because they're making mistakes that's why their faults right
they're making mistakes and when they see that when you see that and you see
that their project is failing or you see that their people are revolting against
them or you see that they're missing deadline after deadline they know that
too and then what you're doing is you're coming to them basically as like a
concerned friend that really wants to help them win and and pointing out some
of these obvious failures that they might not be you know aware of and you
still got to be gentle about this hmm but when you come to them you can come
to them as a friend as a as a person that really wants them to win you can
come out out of there looking like the good guy trying to help them get there
their self back on track so those are some of the
some of the basic strategies and I used to help people do a little course
correction if people need a little criticism so that they can improve their
game for themselves for the team etc
people are people aren't people aren't people own like criticism yeah her to
tell you yeah they like praise you know how and you know the other side of this
coin if you're a person which you are and you don't like christen what you
don't if you can open your mind to the criticism man you're gonna be so you're
gonna get so much better about everything that you do if you can just
listen to people about getting ego crazy and thinking about this yep this list
you just listen nod your head listen to what they have to say they're trying to
help you yeah right we assume that they're trying to help us yeah listen to
I don't know oh yeah are there times they're not absolutely yeah you're going
with the assumption that this person's just trying to cut me down well that's
not gonna get you anywhere yeah but if you if you make this something you know
what I'm gonna listen to what this person has to say what's wrong with that
yeah even if it's an assumption and we're not supposed to assume if I
assumed he'd give me one I'm gonna assume that echos giving me criticism
right now cuz he wants me to do better and I'm gonna take them as as face value
as I can yeah that he is trying to help me get better you know
yeah and yeah that's actually really correct if you start at that point
that's your default right hey this criticism is to help now I might look at
your criticism and I analyze it from a detached perspective and I go I think
actually echo is just trying to drag me in the wrong place and I might get to
that point yeah and it'll be more way more obvious it'll be way more via if
you started at that other place okay but if you're just default all he just wants
to try to look like he knows everything he just wants to you know make if you
start higher place to this yeah you can't even kind of discern you know if
that really is happening or not not the place to be another place did me