Presenting clips about interesting people isn't the only reason why this channel’s around
It’s also there to find out more about yourself. For example, here’s a list of reasons why you could get killed:
You disagree with us? Fine
“But wait, Tooky feller, how do you know so much about me?”
Well, this list was actually made by Roman von Ungern-Sternberg
And the Bloody Baron intended it for all of us
If you are to believe The Pathetic Ones, aka normal human beings
The Mad Baron was a descendant of Attila the Hun, pirates, crusaders
Lex Luthor and every other villain known to man
However, the Baron was born into a Baltic German noble family. His full name was:
Although he had no Slavic blood, the Baron was as much of a Russian nationalist and monarchist as they come
Always ready to cheerfully point out that 72 of his ancestors died for Russia
Even when the conversation didn’t really need that trivia
Since a young age, it was obvious that the Baron was not a tender soul
He was always in trouble in school, fighting with other students and teachers
When the Russo-Japanese War broke out, the 19-year-old Baron asked to be transferred to Siberia
But he was denied as he wasn’t yet a cadet
So he joined the Cossacks, fought in the war and received a medal
At this point, the Baron already showed his fighting method had a complete disregard for his own life
He was wounded multiple times. but never stopped and charged alone at enemies
The Baron became an officer in the Cossack army, where he hung out with Cossacks and Mongols
He was taught their insane and brutal fighting skills, learned to speak Mongolian and became spiritual
Making a weird and unique collaboration between Protestantism and Buddhism
As an officer, the Baron allowed his soldiers to drink and use drugs as much as they want
As long as they retain their capability to easily murder someone
A group of his men overdid it, so the Baron just kindly asked them not to repeat it
Well, he didn’t ask them, he sent them into a freezing lake and made them fight wolves with bare hands
But, he did it kindly
WWI was warmly greeted by the eager Baron, who on horseback
Armored with lances and swords, charged at Austrian machine guns
His fanatical approach was becoming fascinatingly ridiculous. He received many medals
Including the Cross of St George
After the War, communists started doing their thing, which didn’t go well with the monarchistic Baron
The civil war broke out, and the Baron joined the Tsarist White Army
He started looting and ambushing the Bolsheviks’ supplies
Killing atheists and communists in various creative and distasteful ways
If he decapitated someone, Baron saw it as a favor so that the guy wouldn’t reincarnate into such a little sissy
He did all that to restore the Tsar
I guess nobody had the courage to tell him that the communists had already captured
And killed the dude Baron was fighting for
However, Roman’s private army was always going to be weaker than the ever-growing Soviets
So, the Baron gladly accepted the invitation from the Mongolian Khan to do his thing with the occupying Chinese
Baron sent his 'army' of local fortune tellers and shamans to scare the people in the capital
And set out a "Horsemen of the Apocalypse" vibe
Baron set the hills surrounding the city on fire, rode in on a white horse, armed with just a bamboo stick
The Chinese felt as if they were to be offered as a sacrifice to the gods and, well, they weren’t wrong
Mongolia was proclaimed independent, and Tibetan Dalai Lama declared Baron to be the incarnation of God of War
Seeing how successfully he became a Mongol warlord, the Baron had an idea of creating a huge Eurasian empire
First step to that - the Soviets
Lenin realized that the Bloody Baron was the last thing stopping him from winning the civil war
And focused everything on defeating him
Baron, in turn, felt that he could win, and guided his private army on horseback into a battle against trucks
tanks, machine guns and airplanes. His troops were destroyed and they had to retreat
Baron wanted to regroup and attack again, but the remaining soldiers mutinied and almost killed him
The Soviets found Baron half naked, bound on the steppe with just his religious talismans around his neck
They took him and sentenced him to death
At the day of the execution, the Baron swallowed the Cross of St George so that the communists couldn’t have it
As the firing squad shot at his chest. One of the bullets ricocheted off the talisman and severely injured one of the soldiers
Even in death, Mad Baron did what Mad Baron does
Hey, guys, a quick announcement!
We'll be taking a short break from videos over the summer, we'll be away for two months
After which there'll be more weekly videos from us
Thanks for watching so far, hope you have a cool summer
See you in September!