-Welcome, everybody, welcome, welcome,
welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. Thank you for watching.
I'm very excited about this -- Robert De Niro is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Backstage, I told him he's the greatest actor of all time.
And he said, "Well, you're the greatest
talk show host of all time."
And I... -[ Applause ]
I said, "Really?" And he said, "No,
I'm just the greatest actor of all time."
[ Laughter, applause ]
Robert De Niro was actually my first "Late Night" guest.
I asked him if I'd gotten better at interviewing,
and he said, "I'll see you out there, buddy."
[ Laughter ]
Well, guys, earlier tonight, NBC aired
our show's 10 year anniversary special.
10 years!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Amazing.
[ Cheers and applause ]
10 year.
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
It's hard to believe.
When I got the job, President Biden was
just a fresh faced 71 year old.
That's right, we've been on the air for one pandemic,
two presidential elections, and 300 "Fast & Furious" movies.
[ Laughter ]
Of course, I want to say thank you to my wife,
my kids, and most of all, my lawyer, Michael Cohen.
And speaking of Cohen,
today he continued testifying in former President Trump's
hush money trial.
During his testimony, Cohen laid out tons of evidence,
including tapes, emails, photos, and calendar events.
It's pretty impressive, one of Trump's lawyers
might actually win a case.
Yeah.
Wild.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Some more political news,
Senator Bernie Sanders defended his decision
to seek a fourth term in office saying,
"I would not have run if I didn't think I had the energy."
[ Laughter ]
Bernie was like, "If you put a windmill in front of my mouth,
I could power Las Vegas."
You got a lot of energy.
Well, switching gears,
I saw the PlayStation just announced
that they're hiring two new CEOs.
It's already a mess 'cause they spent the first day fighting
over who gets to use the nice controller.
[ Laughter ]
Well, get this -- seafood chain Red lobster is struggling,
and they just abruptly closed 99 of the restaurants
around the country.
The news is kind of shocking,
Red Lobster was doing well.
They were like, "How are we closing?"
Meanwhile, Long John Silver's like,
"How are we still open?"
Some more business news -- Pringles just introduced
a new type of puffy snack
that comes in a bag instead of a can
called "Pringles Mingles."
There's no can and no chips.
Basically, Pringles was like, "What if we weren't Pringles?"
[ Laughter ]
Is it me or does Pringles Mingles
sound like a dating app for potato chips?
"We met on Pringles Mingles."
Well, as I mentioned, we're celebrating
our shows 10 year anniversary,
and we're so proud to have done
10 years of "The Tonight Show."
-Hey.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah! Whoa, whoa.
Oh, great. That's great.
Hey, Fallon.
Fallon, I'm here for my money.
-I'm sorry. Who are you?
-Oh, you're really going to act like you don't recognize me?
Every night before the show,
you order nuts from my Nuts for Nuts...
cart.
You got it? -No.
Do you understand what you're saying?
[ Laughter ]
-Look, man. Listen.
Every night you order nuts for my Nuts for Nuts cart.
Because you're nuts for nuts. Get it?
-What are you talking? -What are you talking about?
What you talking about? Trying to throw it back on me.
Trying to backfoot me?
-What are you talking about?
-Roll the opening credits.
Right there.
No, hold on, hold up, hold up.
Show that last part again.
Slow it down. -Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Okay. Look, you can't you can't be serious.
-What are you talking about? 'Course I'm serious, man.
You buy nuts from me every day before every episode, right?
But then what do you do?
You always run off and don't pay.
[ Laughter ]
You're always like -- You're always like,
"I'm sorry, I got a show."
Tonight was the best one.
You was like, "Sorry. Robert De Niro's on the show.
I gotta go."
-Look, I'm sorry, bud.
-Look, look, look, man.
"Sorry" don't pay for nuts.
[ Laughter ]
Now, hold on, as I tell you,
every single night, man, it's $3 a bag.
And I put my fingers just like that.
[ Laughter ]
And this is your 1,973rd show.
So that means you owe me $5,919.
-That's a lot. -Yeah, well,
I don't just be giving out my nuts for free.
-Oh. All right, all right, I'll pay you.
-Also, now look, now, you know, you can work it off
by just plugging my business on your show.
-Fine. What's the name of your business?
-Deez Nuts. Deez Nuts.
-Oh, okay. All right. Thank you.
The nut vendor from the opening credits, everyone.
The nut vendor, that's him.
I know him.
I know him. -I can't believe that.
Why I never.
-Did you guys see this?
The major airlines are suing to block a rule
that would require them to disclose all of their fees,
saying that it would confuse customers
by overloading them with information.
The new rule would save customers
an estimated $500 million a year.
So, yeah, I think I speak for everyone
when I say go ahead, confuse us.
[ Applause ]
We're good.
We'll figure it out.
Some TV news, Amazon Prime
is coming out with a "Jeopardy!" spin-off
called "Pop Culture Jeopardy!"
Yep, "Pop Culture Jeopardy!"
Which is nicer than the original name --
"Not Smart Enough Jeopardy!"
And finally I heard about a church in Germany
that put on a Taylor Swift themed service
to try to boost attendance.
It's the first time kids in church
were scolding their dads like, "Shh, pay attention!"