Here it is folks...
I'm in quarantine for the next four to eight weeks
and I'm a teacher.
I have to...
spend the next few days trying to
figure out how to instruct
140 students who think that a "browser"
is a bad guy in Super Smash Bros.
This should go well. I'll keep you updated.
Day 2: Got an email.
Apparently we gotta design our own lesson plans for the online curriculum...
And I have not designed a lesson plan in 13 years.
(laughing)
Anyways, long story short: Freaked out...
spent $4000 on Teachers Pay Teachers.
So this is a shout out to all the students...
that have Book It! coupons from Pizza Hut
Send your personal pan my way, outlook is looking bleak.
Day 3....
Just remembered I have children of my own and I finally fed them.
They were dissatisfied to say the least.
uhhhh There's an unpleasant aroma coming from my garage and I...
hesitate to check and see if I have a pet.
Day 5. (Coughing)
Developed a bit of a small cough yesterday
And I went to the doctor. Luckily he advised that
it's more likely related to the asbestos and lead paint
that's in the walls at the school I teach
so hopefully now that I'm not there, that will clear up.
(coughing)
I gotta say, one of the big perks about...
teaching from home is that...
I finally get a lunch to myself and uh...
kind of a luxury that... (phone rings)
Hello?
Yeah, I'll walk you through it (sigh)
Just, uh, do you have the browser open?
I woke up this morning, and I heard sirens in the distance and....
I'm not gonna lie, it felt good to know
that no matter what is going on in the world, that...
my students are out there still getting arrested.
I miss being in class. I....
I wanted to reminisce a little bit today so I
tuned off the AC and just sweated it out for about four hours
and just pretended that it broke.
For a fleeting moment I...
I felt like I was back in school.
Felt good.
(Crying)
I can't believe it.
Why... why did nobody tell me that
Dumbledore dies in the 6th movie?
(crying)
Day 13: I....
held a parent/teacher conference today for a sense of normalcy.
Nobody showed... I mean I knew they wouldn't.
Whole country is on lock down, no one can leave their house, but I figure....
them showing is no different than when I was in school
It a...
not gonna lie it felt good to be let down one more time.
Gotta admit, pretty proud of myself today.
Found out something profound.
Turns out, microwaved bologna is just a hot dog.
Game changer.
Day 20.
The government has designated today as my official resupply day.
And I went to the store, and upon walking in
I saw that a few of the cashiers were students of mine.
And what I'm trying to say is, I'm...
I'm out of food now, and I...
have decided to grow my own garden in my backyard
to avoid talking to them.
So... if anyone can email me if you
know how to make almond milk from scratch, that would be great.
You're trying to tell me the lesson has been on the entire time and nobody said a word?
I've just been sitting here naked and
nobody's gonna say a single...
I'm failing you all, just so you know.
Don't panic children, I know it's been a long time.
And we just gotta get through this together
I've gotta song here to hopefully calm your nerves.
Um.... goes like this
(singing) It's the end of the world as we know it...
(singing) It's the end of the world...
Day 58: And I'm not gonna lie to you guys...
I feel pretty good.
I finally adjusted to what online teaching entails.
I feel like my students are back into the flow of things.
And my circadian rhythm... is normal, for once.
I gotta say I don't think that... (phone rings)
Hello?
We go back tomorrow... got it. Alright.
(crying)
(cough)