(upbeat music)
- Hello, I am Tess, the Intimacy OT
and today I am going to be sharing with you
information on why sex toys can be so beneficial
to our pleasure and intimacy,
even after cancer diagnosis and cancer treatments.
Who am I?
I'm an Occupational Therapist,
I work in sexuality and intimacy
for people living with disability,
chronic illness and cancer.
Before I get started,
please click on that 'subscribe' button,
and let's go.
So before I get started,
think about the word toy.
The word toy means play.
It means fun.
Sex is supposed to be fun,
so come at this
with a space of curiosity and exploration,
because that's when the fun things can happen.
One of the very severe impacts
of cancer treatments and diagnosis has on us is,
self consciousness about our changed body,
the loss of our body, the loss of function,
the loss of sensation, the loss of pleasure,
changes in orgasm,
and things like brain fog and distractibility.
This is all up here,
and this is our largest sex organ.
So I'm going to give you a hot tip,
a really wonderful way to help you
reengage with your sensations,
with your body, with your pleasure,
and to decrease that brain chatter,
pop a blindfold on.
So hear me out.
It's very, very simple,
but the blindfold removes distraction,
it helps focus and it heightens all of your other senses.
So if you're the partner of someone with cancer,
and you're scared to touch them,
because you're afraid of hurting them,
which is very common and very normal,
maybe explore having a touch date together,
pop a blindfold on
and just so softly, just touch your partner's body all over
and help them and yourself come to get to know this new body
and start to reduce that fear.
It's an incredibly powerful toy.
If you're noticing reduction in sensation and pleasure,
vibration toys are incredible.
I deep dive into that in the other video on vibration.
It stimulates deeper tissues
and offers stronger stimulation
than what we can normally offer
with our bodies and our hands
and it can really help with sensory
and pleasure reintegration.
It actually can be a way to help your body remember,
oh, I can have pleasure there.
That's right, because accesses the deeper tissues
because sometimes superficially,
we just can't feel stuff.
Maybe we've had nerve damage from surgeries or radio,
pleasures change from chemo, all that stuff.
If penetration hurts, anally or vaginally,
there are toys that are for external use only
which can still stimulate
and give you complete amazing erotic sexual experiences.
If you're experiencing pain during penetration,
stop, go see a medical professional,
you need to heal
and then you can come back to playing internally.
But it's okay.
You can have 'intercourse' no, 'outer course', yes!
So remember that there are things and ways
that you can avoid penetration,
when it hurts.
Sex should never hurt,
and you can still have an incredibly wonderful experience.
If your libido has dropped and desire has dropped,
maybe because you feel like
you have to force yourself to have sex, very common,
having toys and ways to explore new forms of pleasure
can be a way to trick your brain
into starting to enjoy touch again.
We kind of disconnect from our bodies.
I refer to myself as a medical meat sack.
You know, I'm just lying on a table
and there's hands all over me
and I just try and disconnect from my body.
That's what we do.
We're in pain, we're tired,
we're nauseas,
we have weight changes,
we have body parts that are removed.
So of course, we want to disconnect from our body.
So why would we want to have sex,
with ourselves or with someone else
if we're disconnected from this?
Toys can really help have more enjoyment
and help increase that desire, that wanting,
through accessing pleasure once again.
Also, remember this is our sex organ here, not down there.
Psychological foreplay.
Grab a partner and go toy shopping together online
with wine or a cup of tea.
And that is if not equal to,
more effective than physical foreplay,
especially if
we have brain fog distractibility,
self consciousness, can be a really powerful tool.
Now I'm going to recommend a sex toy store
who I think they are absolutely incredible
and they exist around the needs of people
who have diagnoses in chronic illness.
'The Spicy Boudoir',
the link is in the comments below.
I'm not getting any commission for this, by the way.
I just really value this store and their ethics.
And they are the people
that you can explore and ask questions too
and get support to find the right toy for you.
So remember, toys can help us recover our sexuality,
our pleasure,
our sensation that can reconnect us with our partners,
that can help kickstart desire and arousal,
and most importantly,
connect you with yourself and your body.
So thank you for joining me.
I have a lot more videos on toys
and I really deep dive and give you specific examples.
But that was my introductory spiel
on how toys can really help us post cancer diagnosis.
So I'd love to hear from you.
Please ask any questions in the comments,
click on that subscribe button.
I'll see you on the next.
Bye.