[Music]
what do you regret maybe you regret
something that you did or something that
you didn't do or something that you
later wondered what was I thinking
we've all had deep feelings of regret
there are would a Coulda Shoulda
feelings I was haunted by my
wakas thankfully I discovered a powerful
way to deal and heal and feel regret
free this powerful way will work for you
too our feelings of regret go from
insignificant I should have picked
broccoli not
chocolate I shouldn't have skipped my
workout what was I thinking when I got
that
haircut to
intense I should have finished
school I should not have got divorced
what was I thinking when I invested all
that money even though it sounded too
good to be
true researchers bar and rash found 90%
of us have intense
regrets in their 2007
study they showed that the more we dwell
on our regrets the worse our quality of
life
gets agonizing about regret bumps up
stress hormones
adds to sleep problems and reduces our
quality of
life also weakens our immune systems and
that's when we can get
sick while I didn't get sick wallowing
in my
wakas caused me many sleepless
nights I remember it like it was
yesterday there she was in a magazine my
childhood friend was in an ad for local
television station I ripped out the page
I was so thrilled for her she looked
amazing I'll
call but I
didn't sometime later in one of those
isn't it a small world conversation my
friend's name came up oh yes I must
call but I
didn't the next time I saw my friend's
name in the newspaper it was in her
obituary I was Thunder Struck it can't
be we're only
49 how can she be
gone I attended her memorial service
I paid my respects but it was too
late had I called I would have known she
was married had I called I would have
known she had
twins had I called I would have known
she had
cancer night after night I couldn't
sleep all I could think was why didn't I
call why did I think there was lots of
time why did I let my busy life get in
the
way have you ever toss and turned
reliving
regrets have you ever lied awake at
night counting regrets instead of sheep
have you ever wallowed in your
wakas after a while my feelings of
regret faded
career and life demands took over
again four years later while I was
collecting stories about a book I was
writing about
gratitude it suddenly hit
me my heart still hurt because I failed
to make that one phone call to my
friend deep feelings of regret Came
Crashing back
so did the sleepless
nights what would you do what could I
do searching for a way to deal with my
feelings of regret I read about the
benefits of writing a gratitude
letter in 2011 at Kent State after
writing a gratitude letter once a week
for three weeks research participants
felt significantly happier less
depressed and more satisfied with life
could that be the
answer I wanted to see for myself so I
decided to write
three my first gratitude letter was
addressed to the friend I didn't
call I wrote everything that I would
have said had I
called how exciting it was to see her in
the magazine
what fun we had as kids in dance classes
and sports
tournaments how sorry I was she had
cancer I tucked a copy of her obituary
with my letter into our high school
yearbook it was a heartfelt way of
saying thank you and
goodbye is there anyone who's no longer
in your life you need to say thank you
and goodbye
to maybe it's someone who passed away
maybe someone from a relationship that
ended
badly or maybe even a dreadful boss you
once had write a gratitude letter get
your thoughts out of your head off of
your chest and into a
letter write your thanks for what you
loved if it was a positive experience
write your thanks for what you learned
if it
wasn't then if it's special save it if
it wasn't shred it then let
go put unfinished business behind you by
writing a gratitude letter to someone
from your
past even if you don't don't send it it
will help you deal and heal and feel
regret-free
my second gratitude letter was addressed
to
me I'd never written a dear IJ letter
before so this was completely
new Dr Google came to my rescue when I
asked her so how do you write a
gratitude letter to yourself
research shows its most meaningful if
it's a little longer and a little more
thoughtful than a typical thank you
note I wrote myself an apology for not
getting in touch with my friend before
it was too
late I thanked my feelings of
regret for revealing what I was taking
for
granted I closed with IJ I forgive you
for not making that one phone
call I quietly crumbled up my letter and
tossed it away finally I felt
free if you have a regret you haven't
forgiven yourself for write a gratitude
letter to you
no one can forgive
you except
you write with compassion and
understanding like you would to a friend
then treasure it or trash it whatever
works for you to deal and heal and feel
regret
free after just two letters I had
experienced the power of gratitude
letters to relieve feelings of past
regrets could writing a gratitude letter
also prevent future
regrets my third gratitude letter was
addressed to my one and only
niece since she lives more than a
thousand miles away I popped my letter
in the mail I texted her don't open till
we
zoom on our video call I read my letter
out loud to
her thank you for sending me the lovely
Mother's Day card even though I'm not a
mom thank you for all you do to include
me in the lives of your kids it's
wonderful being there great
auntie thank you for being one of my
very special
friends my niece was
surprised and touched and truly
grateful we
laughed we cried as we
reminisced I will never regret that I
wrote that letter and shared it with her
before something may happen to her or to
me has someone made a difference in your
life that you have yet to
thank it may be your first friend or
your best friend your Muse or your
Mentor your partner or your
parent you can email a note or send a
text or make a
call for the longest lasting most
uplifting impact write them a gratitude
letter and arrange to read it out loud
to
them then give them a
copy you will feel regret
free they will feel grateful and regret
free
too so why does writing a gratitude
letter
work it works because it's a single
simple doable deed with many
benefits When you Express gratitude you
enhance relationships you reduce stress
and you get a better night's
sleep so what do you
regret what keeps you awake at night
what would a could a shouldas can you
prevent good intentions are Never
Enough what makes us think there will
always be a
tomorrow write one gratitude
letter it will help you deal and heal
and feel regret
free what are you waiting for
[Applause]