While last week's DNC introduced the world to the power of persistence, hope, and squid
killers, this week's RNC showed us coke's newest spokesperson and what can only be described
as Kimberly Guilfoyle's Trump family audition tape.
- I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle. A proud supporter of President Donald J. Trump. In President
Trump's America, we light things up. And we stand for our flag. You have the ability to
choose your life and determine your destiny! Leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty
and the American dream, the best is yet to come!
I know Kimberly's already gone far in her life, but that speech guarantees she'll go
fuhrer and fuhrer. When it wasn't showcasing every Trump family member twice-removed, this
year's RNC was scraping the bottom of the barrel for any trolls and racists that have
a webcam and a working CompsServe account. We hate to give these people attention, but
we also can't write them off, because—funny story—the Republicans have shown a willingness
to let fringe lunatics take over their party. The Republicans are giving a platform to walking
human memes. And not even the good memes, like shoulder-shimmying Shaq! They're the
kind of memes better known by their descriptions than their actual names. Kind of like how
in my first season of The Daily Show, I was just "the Girl One." People like the St. Louis
gun couple, AKA Mark and Patricia McCloskey, AKA Mid-Life Crisis Bonnie and Clyde. It wasn't
shocking that the GOP would invite a couple charged with unlawful use of a weapon to speak
at the RNC, but it was surprising that they also invited their guns to speak. I'll never
forget those powerful words: Bang bang bang! Pew! The Republican party isn't just legitimizing
their fringe supporters at the RNC. They're also trying to get them elected to office.
- President Trump has fired off a series of tweets touting the win of Laura Loomer, a
far-right activist who just won the Republican nomination in Florida's 21st District, where
the President and First Lady now vote. Loomer is known for calling Islam, quote, "a cancer
on humanity.” - The president himself showed his support
for Loomer in a tweet late Tuesday saying she has "a great chance against a Pelosi puppet."
Excuse me, Florida Representative Lois Frankel is not a Pelosi puppet. There's only one Pelosi
puppet, and it's been performing for years now in Vegas. I've seen it. The part where
it drinks water will shake you to your core. Although Loomer is not expected to win her
left-leaning district, the fact that a xenophobic conspiracy theorist is being taken seriously
is alarming. Even more alarming, she's not the only one. So far this election, more than
50 supporters of QAnon have run for national office. Look, there's nothing I'd love more
than to ignore QAnon, mainly because I don't want to contribute to the take down of another
Washington, D.C. pizza parlor. I may live in New York, but there is no better pizza
than D.C. pizza. I love D.C. pizza. From its wet, cardboard crust to its cheese only in
the middle. Yum, yum, yum. Give me that clammy D.C. pizza. But QAnon is unfortunately a thing.
And because I can't bear to explain it, I'm going to let Ali Velshi do it for me.
- QAnon followers, quote, "believe world governments are being controlled by a shadowy cabal of
pedophiles who will eventually be brought to justice by President Trump." This seems
to be almost—, It sounds to me like this borders on a belief system.
- It's a cult, Ali. That's right, QAnon is a cult. Think Heaven’s
Gate but with uglier sneakers. And naturally, instead of dismissing them as a domestic terror
threat, the president seems pretty happy about their support.
- Well, I don't know much about the movement, other than I understand they like me very
much. Which I appreciate. If Trump found out Jeffrey Dahmer liked him,
his response would be: "That's so nice. From what I understand he had very good taste in
people." So far, at least four QAnon sympathizers are on the ballot, including Georgia's Marjorie
Taylor Greene, whose victory in a solidly Republican district all but ensures she will
be elected to Congress. - Q is a patriot. According to him, many in
our government are actively worshipping Satan, or they call "Muloch." I mean, is it gonna
be true that the child pedophilia in the elites in the Washington, D.C, is that what we're
really gonna see come out? - She spews racism, antisemitism, islamophobia.
- Greene calls the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, un-American and a word that rhymes
with "rich." You can't say "b****" on CNN? Then how do
you explain Fareed Zakaria's "Globalism is Wild, B*****es?" Greene's candidacy has been
co-signed by the president and House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. Ohio Representative
Jim Jordan even contributed thousands of dollars to her campaign—roughly a hundred bucks
for every college wrestler he turned his back on. Though some of the Q candidates have less
of a chance of winning, their names on the ballot at all are a sign we should be worried—yes,
about the future, but also, in the case of California's Mike Cargile—about him.
- I tell people, look, if you looked at the way the city’s gone the last few years,
if you're happy with it, keep her in place. If you're not, let's try something new. It's
a two year seat. Gimme a shot. Let me see if I can fix things. And if I can't, then
let's put someone else in who can get the job done. But at least give me a shot. Just
remember: Smile, it's Cargile. Ooh! That's the creepiest campaign slogan
since Jeb Bush ran on "Bringing Back the Bush." Look, I know it's easy to focus all our attention
on the fact the future of the world will be decided by one of the two people you'd least
want to sit between on a plane, but voting in November is more than just the presidency.
Down-ballot races are our only chance to right the wrongs of the far right. And they're the
only way to put Mike Cargile out of his misery. - Smile, it's Cargile.
Hahaha. Oh god.