Hi, Nos Hyena here! Are you a furry with
an attention deficit? As in, are you furry
who lacks attention, and needs more? Well
stop messaging hi to random fursuiters and
listen to this furry fandom popularity
opportunity! Introducing the world of furry
DJ's! Play music in front of crowds! Get all
the fursuit babes! Use a microphone to
tell a room full of furries what to do! 3... 2... 1...
Can somebody pay for my drinks? It's not
financially responsible for me to be at
this convention. Also there's the whole
part about enjoying music because it's
your passion... but who cares about that?!
what's the point of doing anything in
this fandom if it isn't to get popular?
(forced snooty laughter) So in five easy steps
here's how to become the newest
furry fandom DJ! Step number one: equipment
in order to become a furry DJ you need
DJ equipment! Now sure, you could start
off with an intro DJ controller for
about a hundred or so bucks but don't
do that! You're a furry superstar DJ! You
need to get on that sheath measuring
contest straight away! So log on to Amazon
and spend your life savings on the most
expensive DJ equipment, so you can start
bragging to other DJs and say things
like: look at my setup hashtag DJ! I've
got these new CDJs! Hashtag DJ life.
So how do I actually DJ? Step number two
get music! When you DJ, song selection is
essential! You help set the mood and help
the crowd have a great time! Now around
this point "other" DJ will say find
and play music you love! Experiment and
develop a style that's unique to you!
Pour your heart out every time you play.
Unfortunately these things require hard
work and a sense of intrinsic motivation,
and you have neither! Luckily you can
skip all of that by playing music and
genres that are really popular now! So go
to Beatport and like download
the top hundred most popular tracks
right now! This is going to be your DJ
library! So you're going to be
downloading songs from artists such as
Zedd, The Chainsmokers,
Tiesto, The Chainsmokers, Calvin Harris
The Chainsmokers, and DJ Darude
Sandstorm! Playing songs from these
artists will guarantee that you get
selected for every furry con you apply
to! Wait I didn't get selected for PAFcon?
Oh well I'm going to show them on
Twitter! Step number three, learn cool DJ
moves! Besides from learning all the
boring fundamentals like beat matching,
learning how to transition, and
maintaining a nice flow throughout your
set, you're going to want to have a heap
of killer DJ moves! Take some of my
signature DJ moves from my most recent
set: The ‘crossfade’ into oblivion! Ready
for the transition? What happened? The
"galloping horses" transition! (exasperated) Why is it
so out of time? Why?!
The I accidentally stopped the play
button! The subpar scratching! Yo you like
this sick remix?! And my favorite:
instant nightcore mode! Let's go! It's a
great remix! Step number four: plan your
DJ set! So congrats you just got booked
for your first
furry con DJ slot! Now this is your big
shot, and you don't want to mess it up so
don't leave anything to chance!
There's no time for things like being
spontaneous or reading the crowd... you
want to plan every single little detail
of your set weeks, months, or even years
in advance! So you want to plan every
song! Every transition! Every single
movement on stage! Every time I DJ on
stage there has been literally thousands
of hours of rehearsal into my piece
of performance art!
(chanting in time) DJ DJ DJ DJ upfade upfade upfade upfade
(chanting in time) shake your head shake your head
(chanting in time) fist bump! fist bump!
Also you're going to realize
two days before your set that your
DJing is subpar because you didn't spend
any time practicing the actual DJing! So
you want to go online and get a ghost DJ
to make your entire set into one easily
playable mp3 file, so you all you have to
do is get on stage and press play!
But then you're also going to realize
wait I got live tweet during my DJ set.
So you want to hire a ghost fursuit DJ so
they can do all the hard stuff like
press play, while you can live tweet
your set in the comfort of your own
home watching the live stream! Oh my gosh
I'm doing so good! Step number five get a
DJ intro! A DJ intro is a signature of
any good furry DJ set. You've spent three
times your net worth on this DJ set so
you want to make sure that your ego gets
a huge boost from it. And what better way
to do that than having the first 10
minutes of your set being someone
saying your DJ name over and over again?
Con goers are going to love coming to
your set and hearing your name because
remember it's not about the music or the
crowd, it's about you! And if you follow
my very serious very helpful five steps
your DJ set should sound something like
this!
(on mic): How we all doing this is DJ Nos! This is
my 15-minute intro! (voiceover) DJ Nos Hyena!
Epic intro! DJ Nos
hyena! Okay here's the first track!
Three-two-one... donate to my Patreon! I
need to raise $70,000 for this DJ set to
continue! I am late on my CDJ payments
Also if someone could explain what CDJs
are that would be really appreciated! And
that's it! Five steps to becoming the
newest furry fandom DJ! I'm Nos Hyena,
thanks for watching stay tuned for-
(crying) My set's falling apart! why am i DJing on a bed?!