-Now, Wendi and I both work in TV.
And one thing you learn when you're on a TV show
is that there's lots of words you're not allowed to say.
So I thought it would be fun to put those rules to a test
with a game I like to call "You Can't Say That On TV."
[ Cheers and applause ]
This is how it works. It's gonna be fun.
NBC has an entire department called Standards and Practices,
and we have one of those women here right now.
Nicole, could you come out here? Let's have a seat.
Give it up for Nicole.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh. Thank you for being here. Thank you.
So, Nicole's job is to make sure
we don't say certain words that are deemed inappropriate for TV.
If we say one of those words, she has to bleep us.
Wendi, can you give us an example?
-[Bleep] [ Buzzer ]
-Exactly.
So, Wendi and I came up
with our own list of words and phrases
that sound like they should be bleeped
but could technically pass the bleep test.
Nicole will make the decision
to bleep or not to bleep by pressing the red button.
Whoever gets bleeped the least wins.
Are you ready, Wendi? -[Bleep] yeah.
-All right. Let's do it. I'll go first.
Cue the dramatic lighting.
[ Clears throat ]
I just want you to know that I don't actually swear at all,
so I'm gonna be a pro at this.
[ Clears throat ] All right. Here we go.
Fug. -No bleep.
-Frack. -No bleep.
-Swollen bulba.
-No bleep. -Really?
-Bulba.
-Clint-toris.
-No bleep.
-Sounds like a dinosaur.
Va-china.
-No bleep. -Mm-hmm.
-Mother plucker.
-Bleep. [ Buzzer ]
-Ayy!
Hand jab.
-No bleep there. -Okay, then!
-Volvo.
-Hmm. Can you use that in a sentence?
-I drive a Volvo to work.
-Okay. -No bleep.
-Okay. Okay.
[ Clears throat ]
Bow job.
-Hmm. Can you use that in a sentence, please?
-Absolutely. [ Clears throat ]
I had a bow job during Christmas.
I put bows on presents.
-No bleep.
-[Bleep].
-Can you use that in a sentence?
[ Laughter ]
-You need to [bleep] all over my face.
I'm sorry. I meant "place." -I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Wendi. We're gonna have to bleep that.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. -Wow.
-Yeah. -[Bleep].
-Mnh-mnh. That's gonna be bleeped.
-What? Wait. Okay. What I mean is when you reach
the bottom of the page, it always says "cont."
-Okay. No bleep. -Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[Bleep] sunken lips.
-Hmm. Can you use that in a sentence please?
-No, you should definitely bleep that.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Clears throat ]
[ Laughs ]
Gushy puss-y.
-Okay. Can you use that in a sentence?
-Okay. I will do that.
I fell and skinned my knee,
and now it's all gushy puss-y.
-No bleep. -Aah!
♪♪
-Prim job. -Ooh.
Can you use that one in a sentence?
-I went to my British tailor,
and he gave me a proper prim job.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Fine. -Well-played.
-I'll allow it. -Well-played.
[ Clears throat ]
Teddies.
-Hmm. Can you use that in a sentence?
-I love playing with big ol' Teddies.
-Like, at a toy store? -Sure.
-Okay. No bleep.
-[ Chuckles ]
Ash hole.
-Hmm. Can you use that one in a sentence?
-When I smoke a cigarette, I put it out in my ash hole.
[ Laughter ]
Where else are you gonna put it out?
-You know what? Surprisingly, that's okay.
-Okay.
Loose posse.
-Can you use that in a sentence?
-We used to be a tight circle, but now we're a loose posse.
-That's good. -Yeah!
-That's good. -Yeah.
-[Bleep] sucker.
-Did you just say [bleep] sucker?
-Yeah. [Bleep] sucker.
-Yeah, you can't say [bleep] sucker.
That's gonna be a bleep. [ Buzzer ]
-Rats.
-All right, DJ Daniel, who is the winner?
-It looks like our winner for this evening is Lilly Singh!
-Yes! Thank you. Thank you. That's right.
I am a professional swearer.
That was "You Can't Say That On TV," everybody.
Wendi, get up here. Give it up for Wendi.
That was amazing. Thank you for being here.
"The Goldbergs" airs Wednesdays at 8:00 p.m. on ABC.