So you're wondering how to get your husband to pay attention to you?
Husbands are not that complicated. I think I can help. There could be a lot of
different reasons why this is an issue right now. Not knowing all of the
specifics obviously. Because I don't know what's going on for you in your
relationship. Let's take a look at some things that we might be able to apply
more generally. And what I would suggest is that we start out with a little
experiment. So, let's try this. And I think this is going to work in a lot of
different contexts regardless of what's causing the lack of attention. So, here's
the experiment. I call it 5 for 5. 5 for 5. The second 5 is 5
days. You're going to do this experiment for 5 days. On each of those 5 days,
you will find some way to send these 5 messages.
So 5 messages for 5 days. That's the 5 for 5. If you're doing the
math at the end of the 5 days, you will have sent 25 messages each of the
5, 5 times. You're doing the math, right? Here's how it works.
Message number one. Appreciation. Now, I call it a message because you already
appreciate your husband, right? Send the message of appreciation so you find some
way each day for the next 5 days to send the message of appreciation. Thank
you, I appreciate you. And be specific, okay? This is what powers it up. Because
it's not just, "Oh, I appreciate you." For what?
What do you appreciate? Find something specific that you appreciate about him
and then send that message to him. And it might change on day 2, 3, 4 and
5. But consistently for 5 days in a row, you're sending a message of
appreciation. "Thank you so much for having my tires rotated." Okay?
Appreciation for a specific thing. "Hey honey, I really appreciate
that you made breakfast for me and the kids this morning. That was awesome."
Okay? Whatever it is. So, find it. Now, this is where sometimes we get stuck because
I know some of you are thinking and you might even put it in the comments. My
husband doesn't do any of that stuff. Okay, fine.
Find what he does do that you're actually grateful for and use that not
what you wish he would do. You find what he's already doing. When you mentioned
things that you wish he would do or that he's not doing, how does he feel?
Usually criticized. And he's going to pull back. See? That has the opposite
effect. If you're criticizing or nagging him, it's just going to push him away. When
you show that appreciation? My bet is that he's going to pay a little more
attention to you. He's going to appreciate that as well. So, that's the first of the
5 things. Second message, connection. A message of connection. What does that
look like? You're going to communicate to your husband something that you have in
common. Something that you see similarly. Something that you're on the same page
with, okay? So, it might be a current event, for example. And you hear your husband
comment about something that's going on in current events and you tend to agree.
We'll send that message. I agree. That could be the connection message. Or it
could be, "Oh, you like that? That's something that I really enjoy too?"
Common ground see? Some message. One each day for 5 days of where you connect,
what you have in common, where you're on the same page, got it? Okay? Message number
3 in our 5 for 5 experience is a message of elevation. Elevation. What is
that? You know how an elevator lifts people, right? So, what we're focusing on
here is lifting the mood. Lifting the mood. So, this message is something that
that causes more cheerfulness or positivity. You know how we can kind of
get stuck into negativity sometimes. And people hate this, don't you? Don't you
hate it when you find yourself just always being negative or critical or
upset? Okay, so the positivity piece of this or the elevation message, you smile,
for example, okay? Just a pleasant smile. Humor is one way to share elevation. The
elevation method. So be on the lookout for what's funny. And then you send that
message, "Hey sweetie, you know what? I saw today that just cracked me up." And then
you share that. Or it might be a little video. You know the little ones that you
see passed around here on YouTube or on Facebook or whatever that are just funny.
Share one of those. Elevation bring the mood up, cheerfulness, smiling, positivity.
That's number 3. So, so far we've got appreciation, connection and elevation.
Let's go to number 4. Love. I know this one should be obvious, right? Love. Every
interaction you have with your husband, everything you choose to do in a
communication or the way that you show up is either going to be on the love
side or on the hate side. Pick the word hate because people hate the word hate.
You don't hate your husband. If you do, we got some other things to talk about. But
honestly, if it's not love, what is it? One of my clients said, "Well, what about
indifference?" Oh, yeah. How do you feel if somebody treats you with indifference?
That's what brought us here to this video in the first place.
Love or hate. Those are our 2 choices. So, you want to make sure that you're
your 4 message that you're sending in the 5 for 5 is about love, is
about the the warm tender kind feelings that you have toward him. It's about
compassion and empathy and respect. So, this can be a direct message of love or
it could be an intentional, loving interaction that you have. 5 days in a
row, okay? Where you intentionally do it? Now, I know you're already doing this
anyway. But this is something that you decide to
do and you do it intentionally for each of 5 days. Love. And that brings me to
the last one of these 5 messages that you're going to send for 5 days in a row.
Number 5, acknowledgement. Research is showing us that husband's in general... And
I know there's specific subgroupings that this may or may not fit for. But in
general, husbands want to feel valued like they're important, okay? Like they
get to wear a big old Superman cape and costume, alright? They want to be him. You
can do this by sending the acknowledgement message which is, "My life
is better because you're in it." "My life is better because you're in it." Find some
way to say that to your husband, 5 days in a row. As number 5 on that
list of five things. So, quick recap. We've got appreciation, gratitude, thankfulness.
We've got connection. Where's your common ground? Where do you come together? Where
are you on the same page? We've got elevation at number 3.
Which is lifting the mood and being positive and cheerful.
We've got love. The love message. Encapsulate s' everything else. But
you're sending a message of love instead of hate. And then number 5 is
acknowledgement. "My life is better because you're in it." Tell you what. Do
this little experiment. I'm curious to see how this works out for you. And we
can have a conversation in the comments below if you want to share what's
working and what you're experiencing with this. Try the 5 for 5. Send
each of those 5 messages, 5 days in a row. And let's see if we can get him
paying a little more attention to you. Thank you for being here. While you're
here, would you just take a moment to check out the positive relationships
playlist here on the channel. I think you're going to like that as well.