It is August, people,
when stores start putting up Halloween decorations,
and Ben Carson starts prepping for hibernation.
(mimics Carson): The key is to always be ready.
(normal voice): More importantly,
August is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month.
For women who can do it,
breastfeeding is one of the best ways to nurture an infant,
and it's shocking that in 2018,
we're still seeing stories like this.
A mother breastfeeding her baby inside an Alabama restaurant
says the manager told her to cover up.
An outraged mother said she was breastfeeding her baby
when a VIA bus driver told her to cover up.
TV REPORTER: Sarah Olson said this was how she was sitting
and breastfeeding, while having dinner
at a Subway restaurant inside this Walmart Supercenter.
That's when she said a manager at Subway asked her
to cover up or breastfeed at the back of the store.
He stated that, well,
if-if it's my legal right,
then he can just whip out his penis and pee everywhere.
(audience exclaims)
Okay.
I'm confused by this guy's reasoning.
How is breastfeeding the female equivalent of peeing?
(laughter)
Because peeing is the female equivalent of peeing.
That guy knows that women also pee, right?
To me, it just sounds like that dude just wants an excuse
to take his dick out, that's all it sounds like.
He uses it for everything. He's like,
"That car turned right on red.
"If he can do that, I'm gonna whip my penis out.
"I'm gonna-- I'm-- like... I... I can't do that?
"O-Okay, but next time.
Next time, it's on."
And, also, can we address that there is a Subway restaurant
inside a Walmart?
Like, if you ask me, that's the unnatural way to feed someone.
That-that needs to be covered up.
And now, breastfeeding, remember this, breastfeeding in public
is legally protected in all 50 states.
-But clearly-- Yeah. -(cheering and applause)
As it should be.
But clearly, not everyone knows the law,
because some people are even calling the PoPo on the ta-tas.
Major controversy in Central Minnesota
when the police are called
on two moms breastfeeding at a public pool.
Stephanie Buchanan and Mary Davis
say they were breastfeeding their babies in the kiddie pool
when complaints turned into a sour scuffle.
A patron at the pool came up to me
and told me that I needed to cover
because her sons were swimming.
The city saying a teen staffer at the public pool
then politely asked the moms...
(reading):
The employee eventually calling 911.
I like how...
I like how the person's complaining
that she's doing it in the shallow end,
like that's important.
Oh, no, not in the shallow end.
That is the sacred place of the pool.
You can see the bottom there.
And look, obviously I feel bad for those moms,
but I also feel bad for the lifeguard
who had to deal with this.
Like, he's a teenage boy.
Telling a woman to put her breast away
goes against everything he stands for.
His brain probably melted down.
(applause)
He was probably like a robot
that couldn't handle a logic problem.
He's like, "Ma'am, could you please put away your, uh...
"Um, could you put... What am I saying?
Who am I?"
Obviously, look, America needs to be educated on this issue.
And thankfully The Daily Show's Desi Lydic and Dulcé Sloan
have stepped up to the challenge
with this helpful public service announcement.
Hello, America. It's me, Desi Lydic,
mother of one and breastfeeder of three.
And I'm Dulcé Sloan, and I have titties, too.
It's come to my attention
that the natural and beautiful act of breastfeeding
is making some of you uncomfortable
to the point of snitching.
Since you're so desperate
to cover up mothers and their cute, little babies,
let's cover up the things
that make everyone else uncomfortable.
You want women to cover up their baby eating lunch?
Well, guess what?
I want to cover up this dude housing buffalo wings.
Wing stop.
LYDIC: This couple sitting on the same side of the booth:
we get it. You're happy.
Ah, the public pool.
Too sacred a place for the nourishment of babies,
so it's only fitting that we also cover up
-old dudes in banana hammocks -Mm-mm.
and creeps who offer sunscreen rubdowns.
We know there's no SPF 69.
And let's not forget public transportation.
If the worst thing you've seen on a subway
is a woman breastfeeding, congratulations.
That means you've never been on a car
with a woman clipping her toenails.
Hey, hey.
Put that hobbit-ass foot in the bag. Come on.
LYDIC: Couples making out on the train.
I said we get it.
See, there are a lot of disgusting things out there.
So I'm sorry if you're grossed out by breastfeeding,
but how about you make like a hungry baby
and suck it up.
(cheering and applause)
Thank you, ladies.