I need to apologize to all of you loyal rewired soldiers out there I have failed
you what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk
about the problem but focus on the solution and if you new to my channel my
channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different
topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental
and emotional well-being so the internet make sure you subscribe and bring that
notification bell and before we get started man thank all of you so much
first off all you new subscribers you're amazing
but you guys are helping me get to 10,000 followers on Instagram we're at
like eighty two hundred dollars only eighteen hundred more and gets a little
swipe up feature so if you're not following me yet follow me now at the
rewired soul and you can see cute pictures of me reading books with my cat
Maya how cool is that all right so anyways anyways the most
popular video on my channel is the video I did well one of the videos I did about
elevation uh the truth about illymation and her abusive ex boyfriend and yeah I need to make this this final
video I have to because I felt bad I felt so bad so all of you who have
watched that video and talked about Martin Seligman and the psychology of
learned helplessness and I asked the question I usually ask questions to see
if you can relate to see if I'm connecting with you on some of all of
these videos and so so so many of you in the comments said that you could relate
to learn helplessness which is great because you interacted and you like me
now but I screwed up because here's the reward so we talked about the problem
but focus on the solution but I didn't provide you with a solution so I wanted
to bring it back and talk about elevation situation and talk about
learned helplessness since I know a lot of you have struggled with that in one
way shape or form alright so today we're going to be focusing on the solution and
how illymation went from hopeless to hopeful those of you who aren't caught
up to speed learned helplessness it is something that many many many people
deal with and basically just to sum it all up it's the way our brain
rewires itself when we keep trying something and it doesn't work right one
of the examples that we use it was like you know alienation trying to get out of
her relationship you know she tried talking to people she tried going to the
cops and you know these other things and she's told you to feel helpless for
other people it might be you know I know a lot of you mentioned like looking for
a job and getting turned down and all that so one of the solutions for learned
helplessness is just finding this little glimmer of hope all right that's one of
the reasons I named my first book hope because like that's all it takes that's
all it takes and if any of you have been around for like a minute I don't think
anybody is hopeless I have never ever ever met somebody who is hopeless all
right so a lot of it has to do with perspective but in this video I'm also
gonna give me some solutions but before I do that I have a very special guest
kinda because of my videos that I've done about alienation Italy actually saw
my videos and like whoa super cool so me in Italy we're buddies now and yeah I
was talking to her on Twitter today in DMS and yeah I wanted to see if she had
any kind of standout moments in her recovery or in her you know healing
process that kind of helped her get out of learned helplessness and give her
some hope so here's what she sent to me gotcha okay I guess this isn't a moment
exactly but rather yes support system the people who were there with me during
it all and tried to help or even had no idea they stayed with me after that it's
one thing to be supportive a supportive friend or family member during a bad
situation but on top of that it's amazing to stay so supportive
after that bad relationship ends because when the relationship ends sure the
physical danger is gone but it's not quote-unquote over at all there begins
of the very long process of healing and a lot of times victims end up in more
abusive relationships or go back to their abusive partners I'm not a
licensed psychologist or anything so I can't say why that is but thankfully
that didn't happen to me so yeah abusive relationships turn your entire world
against you but the constants in your life who stay can
distantly can't and understanding with you whether you're being abuse or having
twenty or having nightmares twenty years later about being abused they deserve so
much credit it's like having a role model to see how strong you can be for
yourself and to be that person for others one day how lujah like that is so
awesome like so early right there is talking about a support system which is
something that I can definitely relate to as well and there's something that I
talk to you guys constantly about all the time it's finding support finding
people who have been there been through the same thing or people who will just
be there for you but I'm glad you touched on that point that like the
healing process like takes a while it doesn't just go away after the
relationship ends and how she talked about like if we don't have that support
system around us we can fall back into a similar abusive relationships that's why
some people have a pattern of bouncing from one relationship to another even if
it doesn't reach that level of abuse maybe it's like following for people who
are verbally or mentally abusive you know what I mean
but anyways before illy left she had one more thing to say so I'm not making this
up she said tell him I said to LIKE and subscribe
illy herself who just hit 1 billion subscribers on YouTube just told you to
like this video and subscribe to my channel thank you really but yeah so for
me I can definitely relate I can definitely relate to learned
helplessness and so you know one of the great books I read that helped explain
learned helplessness as well as ways to get out of it is this book right here
it's called the happiness advantage it's by a professor of positive psychology at
Harvard University is named Sean acre I highly highly highly recommend everybody
check this book out I'll link it down in the description and in the print comment
it's an amazing book I got it on the audio version anyways
talks about along that stuff but for me load helplessness took its biggest form
with my addiction alright and this is something a lot of people with addiction
struggle it but I had many many many relapses and where I got to was you know
a little over six and a half years ago I was laid up in the hospital with a 10%
chance of living and I was telling my family to give up on me just let me die
right and that's a terrible place to be but I was struggling with learned
helplessness I tried to get clean before I tried to do
that before and it never worked so my brain was saying why even try again why
even bother right so thank thank goodness that I did you know what I'm
saying because here I am today over six and a half years clean you know my life
is amazing I got my son back in my life all that kind of good stuff so here are
some tips I want to give you if you're somebody who is currently struggling
with learned helplessness or you know somebody who might be struggling with
learned helplessness and maybe these are some tips that can help them the first
one is listen to stories okay like this is something that helped me so so so
much because our brain our brain tells us that it's impossible the first thing
that you need to get over is what we call terminal uniqueness so many of us
think oh no my story's different right I used to think that like if you
understood how I grew up if you understood my messed-up childhood if you
understood what I've been through in my life you wouldn't know you would know
that there's no saving a guy like me right we call that terminal uniqueness
because you think that you're so special and nobody will ever understand you that
it's actually going to kill you all right so what I had to do was I started
having to listen to stories and I was absolutely blown away when I actually
started listening to people who had been through what I had been through but
their life had gotten better right so for example if you're somebody who's
ever been in a relationship like illy was in like use her story as hope right
because when I hear other people sharing a story I'm like okay well that person
can do it maybe I can too like some people got a set at my video which is
really weird I'd even think that would be a controversial video some people got
upset on my video about the the youtuber burnout myth right and what I want to
get wanted to get through with that video is if a guy like me can do it then
maybe you can do it too right but it's it's all different scenarios okay so if
somebody's been through a similar situation you got to find those people
that's why I keep telling you guys it's like go join the discord server and/or
the Facebook group they're always link down in the description okay
it's where members of you know you know the community here we have different
chats and just share our experiences and you guys you don't even have to talk you
don't have to talk like I can't express to you how much
there is from just shutting your mouth and listening right you don't have to
say anything you could just go look in the Facebook group go lurk in the
discord server and maybe just reading the post or conversations you will start
to get some hope that you don't have to keep living the way that you're living
anymore the next tip from learned helplessness is this and so old cliche
saying but it doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down it matters
how many times you get back up right like I said I never ever ever in my
entire life have has met a hopeless case in any scenario whether it's addiction
or whether it's mental health whether it's an eating disorder whether it's
borderline personality disorder never met a hopeless case now again it's about
getting back up and trying again one of the biggest misconceptions that I see
from people is they tried something once and they think it's never gonna work
again right like think about that like let's let's relate it to this is there a
food that you absolutely hated when you were a child and now you love it right
like maybe a vegetable or something like this can be similar to mental health so
maybe when you were like a teenager you tried therapy and it didn't work
well now that you're a 20 or 30 year old adult maybe it will work okay maybe you
just had a bad thing appears maybe you weren't ready for therapy maybe you are
now broken enough to accept the suggestions that a therapist is giving
you you see what I mean maybe you have more willingness to change now than you
did back then I see it happen with a ton of people also medications okay see it
often talked about medications maybe you had you know bad results with the
medication in the past that by no means means that every medication to help with
like depression anxiety or cravings for addiction or whatever it is won't help
you by the way non narcotics that's what I preach okay but anyways just know that
you are evolving all the time and just because something didn't work back then
doesn't mean that it won't work now so never give up and the last thing is
something that my beautiful amazing mother taught me the second the
professional psychologist she taught me about this thing called the miracle
question so I did some research on it basically that question is if you went
to sleep tonight it's a miracle and and your your entire situation
changed ask yourself for journal about it said what would that look like
what would this thing look like and now sir start working backwards from there
see what you have to do this is also something I recommend when setting goals
you start at the ultimate goal and then work backwards right but basically you
work backwards and you see what is the first step in getting there so so that
miracle question it's part of solution based therapy okay so I highly suggest
that you check that out my mom's gonna be doing some worksheets and stuff like
that in the near future but you can google it and all that stuff but anyways
I hope this video helped out thank you again
illy for being a part of this video and all of you all of you let me know down
in the comments below share your stories about how you thought you were hopeless
or something wasn't gonna work out I've been a dear
all right baby ways that's all I got for this video if you liked this video
please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and bring that
notification belt because I make a ton of videos and a huge thank you to
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right there alright thanks again so much for watching I'll see you next time