- [Voiceover] Artificial intelligence is the future!
Shut up!
(ratcheting noises) (fun music playing)
- Fire!
(metal clattering) - Oh my God!
We're all gonna die!
- Ah I'm just kidding!
Got you!
(weakly laughing)
- Yeah, I knew that!
- Ah. So what are you doing over here?
- Oh, I just built this 3D printer.
Check it out.
Computer! (beeping)
Make me a funny shirt! (whirring)
(dinging)
(thudding)
(laughing)
- Okay, my turn.
Computer! (beeping)
Make me Sonic the Hedgehog but with a dong.
(whirring) - Computer, cancel that!
Dude, only use this for serious useful goods!
(sighs)
- Fine.
Computer make me a wrench. - That's better.
- But with a dong!
(whirring) (sighing)
(dinging)
(laughing)
Nice!
- Okay, time for you to leave, Ian!
- Oh come on! I got so many other ideas!
Like, I can make a whole house but the chimney's a dong!
Or like a real life gun but it shoots dongs!
(slamming)
- [Anthony] Computer! Make me earplugs!
- Aww.
(suspenseful music playing)
(darkly chuckling)
I have an idea!
(darkly giggling)
I can make anything I want!
Okay.
Computer! Make Sonic the Hedgehog with a dong!
But also he's wearing a shirt that says,
"Look at my dong."
And he's riding a skateboard that's a dong
and the wheels are dongs!
Ooh and also he can have a hat
that says something really offensive on it
but not obviously offensive to any cultures or identities.
But don't make it woke!
Just offensive enough that somebody might pass by and go
"Oh, he did not put that on a hat!"
Oh, and can you also do the
- Error! Error. Error.
- Oh no, are you sick?
Don't worry, I'll be your mommy.
Pepto Bismol always makes me feel better.
(electrical zapping)
You'll be feeling better in no time!
How 'bout now?
(loud electrical zapping)
Frick!
(creaking)
(snoring)
(creaking)
(sighing)
(creaking)
(ringtone playing)
- [Siri] Call from "Ian's mom."
Call from "Ian's mom."
Call from "Ian's mom." - Shut the fuck up, Siri!
- [Siri] "Ian's mom."
Call from "Ian's mom."
(grumbling)
- [Siri] Call from "Ian's mom."
(grunting) Call from "Ian's mom."
(Banging)
Call from "Ian's mom."
(crashing)
Call from
(heavy thudding) (glass crackling)
(distorted noises)
(gasping)
(snoring)
- Whew.
- Whoa!
(crashing)
- Ian?
- Uh, yeah.
(heavy sliding noise)
- What are you doing?
- I was just making sure you were still breathing
so you didn't die in your sleep!
(suspenseful music)
- Oh, yeah, I'm still breathing.
Thanks for checking on me.
Let me know if I die in my sleep!
(thuds) (snoring)
- Will do, bestie!
(distorted whirring noises)
(low thud)
- Ian? Did you touch my 3D printer last night?
- What?
No?
(dramatic piano sound)
Oh weird!
I don't know how this could have happened!
- Watch what happens when I try to get it to make something.
Computer! (beeping)
Make me a funny hat!
(electronic buzzing sounds) - Um, I don't know.
I'm just not feeling that great.
Maybe if I had more Pepto Bismol.
- See! And he keeps begging for Pepto Bismol
after I've already given him all the Pepto in the house.
- Okay, well I think I know somebody
we can call to fix this.
(beeping)
(ringing) Hello?
Yeah, come over!
(knocking)
(door creaking) - Hey guys! You call for me?
- Who the hell are you?
- Uh, Michael Reeves.
- Get out! - Yeah, okay.
(door thudding)
(knocking)
- Hey, did somebody order a repairman in here?
All right, that was you, right?
All right, let's see what we got going on here.
They've got a little computer going into the thing.
- I'm sorry but I really need the Pepto!
(screaming)
- Oh my God. Why is it so pink in here?
Oh my God, please!
(screams)
(growling)
(zapping noises)
(dinging)
(gasping)
- [3D Printer] Feed it to me, please!
I crave the Pepto.
- Oh no no no no no no listen,
let's just solve, how are we gonna solve this thing?
- Well, okay there was this one thing
my mom would always do when I got addicted to the Pepto.
(sword unsheathing sound)
(yelling)
(blows crashing)
Die you pink son of a bitch!
(gasping) (metal clattering)
- Huh, that's weird.
I didn't feel a thing!
(explosion booming) (distorted screaming)
Oh God!
Please God, help me!
(screaming)
Put this fire out or put me out of my misery, please!
Oh God!
Every second of my remaining life is agony!
I have 12 million nerve endings
and every inch of my body is in excruciating pain!
Fuck! (bleeping)
Oh fuck! (bleeping)
Oh, what the fuck?! (bleeping)
What the shit (bleeping)
and fuck is going on? (bleeping)
Oh fucking Christ. (Bleeping)
Oh God, if there is some sort of God that exists,
please fucking (bleeping)
kill me!
Fuck! (bleeping)
Oh fucking fuckity fuck! (bleeping)
Oh (bleeping)
(tender piano music)
(distant screaming)
- Hi.
What you just witnessed was dong violence
against sentient AI.
- Every year four sentient AI robots are victims
of dong violence.
- This is not okay. It needs to be much more.
- Please, contact your local representative
and ask for a free dong.
(screaming)
- [Voiceover] To see behind the scenes footage,
bloopers, and this!
(shouting) - What? What? What?
- That's not what mommy told you.
- [Voiceover] Become a member by
clicking the join button below!
(intense rock playing)