hello sweet potatoes welcome back since
we haven't done one of these seven
mental habits that have changed my life
videos in a minute i thought
it is time especially with everything
that's been going on i just want to jump
straight into it start off this video
with a quote from david goggins can't
hurt me
everything in life is a mind game
whenever we get swept under by life's
dramas
large and small we're forgetting that no
matter how bad the pain gets
no matter how harrowing the torture all
bad things and i think that just goes to
show the
importance of taking care of our mental
state taking care of our minds
so that we can take care of everything
else that is around us and everything
that
is us the first thing i want to talk
about
is don't allow your circumstances to
define you
between stimulus and response their
space
in that space is our power to choose our
response
and our response lies our growth and our
freedom we've been talking about this a
lot i feel like in every
video within the past month i said this
specific
phrase control what you can let go of
what you can't and i feel like
this don't allow your circumstances to
find you beautifully encapsulates and
just like embodies
what that means life is happening life
will continue to happen life will happen
forever whether it's to our benefit
whether it's good whether it's not so
good whether it's bad whether it's
terrible whether
it's kind to you whether it's not kind
to you it's going to go on and it's
going to keep happening
that is a reality that we can't change
but a reality that we can change
is ourselves and i've been reading a
book called play bigger and
they gave this analogy of how everyone
is dealt a set of cards right like at
birth we're dealt with a unique set of
cards this
first step when you're being dealt cards
it's purely luck right some people get
really lucky some people get really
unlucky
this is the reality of our life it is
something that we can't change but
despite that the second
and arguably more important part is how
we
choose to play our card because this is
something that is fully
within our control as mr frankel said in
the quotes that i mentioned earlier one
of our greatest
freedoms is our ability to choose so
let's not
sell ourselves short and surrender our
identities to
external conditions to bring it back to
our current situation no matter what it
is that you're going through
this point doesn't discount
any of that right it's more so a shift
in perspective and
a mental muscle to work and to
train that no matter what life throws at
you be a good or bad
you know how to move forward and you
won't crumble
under the pressures of life because life
is pressuring us and it will pressure
us eventually if it isn't ready
all right second thing you need to
inhale to exhale
i love the oatmeal i think i just i'm
just gonna read this
in in my voice why not all right
a friend once told me that creativity is
like breathing
[Music]
it's so cute when you make stuff you're
exhaling
but you can't excel forever eventually
you'll have to breathe in
or you'll be dead yes this is why i try
to read a lot of books
this is why i try to spend a lot of time
outdoors
[Laughter]
diary of droppings this is why i pivot
from project to project
shiny new thing that's me all the time
productive procrastination
all of these things i consider breathing
and they make me better at what i do
they made me love my job this is why i
sometimes disappear for weeks or even
months at a time
when i do this i'm not abandoning my
work or being lazy
i'm just trying to breathe if this is
also you remember
you need to inhale so that you can
exhale so take time
now is the perfect time to take time to
inhale so much time
to inhale and to breathe in
fresh air number three
be your own biggest cheerleader this
goes back to the saying that you are
your worst critic i think it's totally
fine for you to be a critic of yourself
but at the same time
you can also be your biggest fan and
your biggest cheerleader i was having a
conversation with my friend about this
video and she was telling me as a
cheerleader what
is a cheerleader right no matter if it's
rain or shine no matter if you win or
lose no matter what's going on
on that field you are there and you are
cheering
right like you're not gonna leave
halfway through the game
because your team isn't winning just
like how you're not gonna leave yourself
stranded if you
aren't where you want to be being our
biggest cheerleader means we'll be there
for ourselves regardless if it's rain or
shine regardless if we win or lose we're
there
for ourselves and i think that
unconditional love for yourself oh
it's such a beautiful thing if we can
actually put that in practice
imagine how much kinder and gentler and
lovelier we would be to ourselves and
with ourselves
number four manage dichotomous thinking
ah
that caught them is thinking i see the
world in black and white there is no
gray in between
this is how i operated for i would say
at least two and a half decades of my
life
only within the past couple of years
have i started seeing the
more than 50 shades of grey in between
these two colors
of black and white so dichotomies or
polarities have always existed all
around us in nature
day and night rain and shine hot and
cold sun and moon birth and death light
and dark good and evil inhale
and exhale yes to me it's basically
you can't have one without the other
right like with the good in the world
there will be the not so good with the
positive they'll be the negative
with the dark they'll be the light with
this thing they'll be that thing and
it's just the natural order
of the way the world works so while
there are situations and circumstances
where dichotomous
thinking will work to your benefit the
flip side to that is
if you are constantly operating at two
extremes
it just is so tiring
this reminds me of buddhist and taoist
thought of walking the middle path and
walking it well
not being at either extremes because if
you're at any extreme that means you're
attached to something and
as humans we are born and we have
attachments and attachments are what
we're supposed to let go so that we can
ultimately return to
our original true selves and our
original true nature i have no idea
where this came from
this is just what i think about all
night if you're operating at either
extremes when you're good you're
really really really good and when
you're bad you're really really really
really bad and i feel like
it's usually more bad than it is good
when we are going through difficulties
when we're going through things period
it's very easy to be very
narrow-minded and to pigeonhole
ourselves into this one specific thing
or this one specific narrative or this
one specific
story that we've been telling ourselves
for our whole lives with any situation
there's many other shades of the same
color the goal is to learn how to manage
polarities over time so that we can
experience the dynamic values of each
pole which
ultimately helps us become better people
and by
acknowledging these polarities we'll
also be able to see these polarities in
other people
and be able to appreciate their dynamic
values and
their everything just life in general
nature appreciate nature appreciate
birth appreciate death
all of these things appreciate
everything
okay number five embrace alone time i
think it's through
spending time by myself through spending
time alone even though in college
looking back i may not have spent it the
best it was through that time that i
allow myself to feel to like be sad
you know to grieve and i think i needed
that period of my life
to be alone so that i could eventually
come out of it and then the time that i
spent alone after that period of time
was
asking myself what kind of life do i
want to live what does it mean to live a
meaningful and fulfilling life and
through that after coming out of that
i'm where i am now and i think it's
through these pockets of alone time
that ultimately led me to where i am
today to the point where i can
spend a month by myself
here and just be totally fine and i
think there's
virtue and there's value to that being
able to sit
alone with your own thoughts being able
to be comfortable with the silence
within yourself it's through that
stillness that you'll be able to find
your true self
your truest choice of self and your
truest truest
of calling often people attempt to live
their lives backwards they try to have
more things or more money
in order to do more of what they want so
that they will be happier
the way it actually works is the reverse
you must first be who you really
are then do what you really need to do
in order to have
what you want
so beautiful alright number six get up
put one foot in front of the other
especially when you don't feel like it
people often say i don't know how you're
doing it i tell them
i'm not i'm not deciding to wake up in
the morning i just do
then i put one foot in front of the
other because there's nothing else to do
whether i like it or not my life is
continuing and i have decided to be a
part of it so the context for this quote
david kessler is the co-author of the
five stages of grief
it's the five stages that i talked about
in my previous video and you guys
probably
know about from hollywood movies and
shows these days
he lost his 21 year old son very
tragically which is why he landed on the
sixth stage of grief which is meaning
and why he wrote this book finding
meaning the sixth stage of grief what i
find so beautiful about this quote is
that there's just so much acceptance
right my life is continuing and i have
decided to be a part of it because your
life
can continue which it will regardless if
you decide or not but
to decide and to make that active
commitment to being a part of living and
to continue to live
oh it's so beautiful and i think it's
through this
disciplined day-to-day steps that you
take putting one foot in front of the
other day by day
every single day accumulates over time
compounds over time
this is the atomic habits that we've
talked about the previous months and
what my mom always talks about
shashankai bien dada
and i think it's especially in times
where you don't want to wake up where
you don't want to do it where you're
just
every fiber of your being is screaming
no i just don't want to tell it and if
you're still
able to just get up put one foot in
front of the other regardless of
whichever capacity you can push yourself
that day if it's just two steps that day
then it's just two steps if it's 122
steps then it's 122 steps
so one more quote from david goggins our
culture has been hooked on the quick fix
the lifehack efficiency everyone is on
the hunt for that simple action
algorithm that nets
maximum profit with the least amount of
effort there's no denying this attitude
may get you some of the trappings of
success
if you're lucky but it will not lead you
to a callous mind or self-mastery
if you want to master the mind and
remove your governor you'll have to
become addicted to hard work
because passion and obsession even
talent are only useful tools
if you have the work ethic to back
them up work ethic
work ethic one foot in
front of the other
i feel like i've been thumsing up after
every section
just that's how i feel today
it's actually this but we're making it
this fake it till you make it
okay last one pursue meaning over
happiness when i was younger i wanted to
be happy and then i wanted to be proud
and then i realized
happy or proud they're both fleeting
you know like i can be happy a moment
and the next second i won't be i can be
proud of myself but at the end of the
day
it's more of like an ego thing i feel
like the most important thing to say
is meaning is what
something means to you what life means
to you what loss what anything means
to you and you specifically and you
uniquely
one more quote from david kessler i
found this so beautiful through meaning
we can find more than
pain we want more than the hard fact of
that trauma and loss yet for some the
grieving mind
finds no hope after loss but when people
are ready to hope again
they will be able to find it bad days
don't have to be
an eternal destiny that doesn't mean
your grief will get smaller over time
it means that you must get bigger as the
saying goes
no mud no lotus the most beautiful
flower grows out of the mud
our worst moments can be the seeds of
our best
moments they have an amazing power to
transform us
and with that thank you guys so much for
joining me
as the sun is setting and the computer
screen is reflecting
on my face i will give you guys a real
hug
because we haven't done one of these in
a long time
and i hope you guys are
instead of year and yeah let me know
down below
any videos that you guys want to see if
you want me to unpack
any of the specific points that i talked
about in depth more in depth in future
videos
let me now and i'll see you guys and
next week somewhere
bye