- I think just not being able to protect my son.
- Tell me about that.
- Um...
When you're a parent, your one job in life
is to protect your child,
and I just didn't do that.
I...
♪
'Cause I didn't save him.
♪
I didn't--I wasn't able to...
Just...
[sniffs]
- How did you not protect your son?
- I should have had my life together.
It was just--I was homeless,
and I was staying with Britney's mom
and Britney was there,
and we were sleeping on the couch.
I told him to go put him in the room, and...
Someone went out the back door
and when they came in, they didn't shut it.
And he woke up.
[murmuring and crying]
I held him.
- He woke up and what?
- He walked right outside, and he drowned.
[sobs]
And I had to pull him out the pool.
♪
I tried CPR, but I didn't save him.
I just--
He was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Just the best thing that happened in my life,
and I did not do what I was supposed to do.
I had one job...
and I didn't do it.
I knew he was an angel.
I should have been able to do something.
I should have been able to save him.
- Toy.
I am so sorry for your loss.
- There is nothing nobody can say, 'cause it was my fault.
I was his mom.
- And that's the guilt that you're carrying with you.
What's it going to take to forgive yourself?
What is it going to take?
- I don't think there's anything.
I don't know how to even begin to...
♪
I don't know.
- I know you can't hear this.
I'm telling you, just like I want--
I want him to feel that hero that his daughter feels.
I want you to know what I see
is someone that deserves forgiveness.
I see it,
and so until you can feel that way,
know that there are people out there
that look at you
and want nothing more than for you
to be able to forgive yourself.
Terrible things happen to really good people
that deserve happiness,
that deserve most of all
more than anything else,
forgiveness.
We all deserve it.
Thank you for sharing that.
I know that's a very hard thing,
and I'm so glad you're here in this house,
because you're going to make something of yourself
again here in this house.
I have to believe that.
[uplifting music]
- You know, it is safe to say that I have never healed fromt
because I've never really talked about it.
But to have people who are going through
some of the same struggles
and having Bob there to listen to us
actually felt good.
♪