And then it ended up being the pepper
that made its way onto my hands! Ugh! And then inside my... Argh!
..vagina! No! Yes!
# Do you want to know about my sex life?
# You know I want to know about your sex life
# Thank you! #
OK.
Let's harmonise later.
I decided that I was going to seduce a man.
Nice. And there was, like, one chance that I had
to get with him because my flatmates were going to be out
who were also friends of his, so... So you were, like,
"I'm going to dick and dash." Yeah.
So I was like, "Hey, do you want to come over and eat my food?"
Hm. And my food? My food.
I meant my...foof. My God.
It's like Come Dine With Me, except for Come Dick With Me.
Yes. I love that show!
Been on it!
I'm going to make something spicy because white guys love spices.
Exotique! Factual. He knocked on the door,
so I was like, "Hey, how nice to see you, my friend."
My platonic friend. My platonic friend.
I was like, "Oh, it's you!"
Me? Wha..? I haven't been working on this for a while...
Just rustled something up. Amazing. Please, go, be seated.
I'll bring out the plates, so...
..I sat him down at the table,
and then I departed to freshen up,
because I realised when he knocked
and I had to go downstairs to get him... Yeah?
..that I was packing a full cup! Whoa!
Oh, yeah.
So I went up to the toilet and emptied the cup, rinsed it,
then reinserted it. Oh, phenomenal.
Flashback to the kitchen, I'm cooking with my spices,
and you know what my favourite pepper is?
Scotch Bonnet! I don't like that at all. Yeah.
It's a very spicy pepper. Yeah!
And that was the pepper I put in the meal
and then it ended up being the pepper
that made its way onto my hands... Ugh.
..and then inside my... Argh!
..my vagina! No! Yeah!
Yes!
I reached into the cupboard and I got my trusty pot of coconut oil.
Calmly. Very calmly.
But in reality, I was like...
..COCONUT OIL!
HELP ME!
THEY YELL
And I was sort of, like, trying to shovel it into my vagina, like...
..get it as far down the canal.
I feel like if I'd thrown a few aromatics in there,
I'd have actually made my vagina possibly taste
better than it already does. Yeah, yeah. Straight up.
Who wouldn't want to dine down there? Everybody.
I too have been guilty of a little...
..menstrual seduction. Ooh!
Yeah. I was hanging out with this dude...
Right? Nice.
..and it was like period times
but I have an IUD
which had been making me not, like, menstruate, really.
So I'd get, like, the symptoms, right?
But, like, not the blood, you know?
So I knew I was on my period, but, like,
I wasn't expecting any products, you know.
Mm-hm. So on this night,
after I was making out with this dude and stuff,
I slid to the toilet
just to like, you know...
Oh, wow!
I went for a tinkle
and I saw that there was blood in the panties.
There was a whatnot.
I was, like, what do we do? You know what I mean?
Do we pause this? Do we halt this?
Like, I didn't feel comfortable being, like,
"Hey, is this cool?"
Like, would they care?
What if they did care and they liked it?
You know, there's this thing, it's called being a bloodhound.
Like a Twilight situation.
What if I'm, like, depriving this man of joy, you know?
And that just feels even more selfish.
I feel like it's a conversation you maybe should have had.
Didn't have that conversation. OK.
Boom! Made the choice by myself,
"OK, I need to clean up this situation."
So, quickly did a little ho bath.
A one, two, three situation.
And so I was, like, boom, clean, fresh.
Who doesn't have on panties? This guy!
Because she's DTF!
You had the sex?
I had the sex. And when his dick came out, was it all, like...?
It wasn't a mess! Oh! But at the same time,
I'm not going to lie, I was totally avoiding the scene
cos if anything happened, I was just going to be, like, "Oh, I...
"..never knew!"
Oh, sneaky panty times! Oh.
Sneaky underwear times!
I feel sad that you felt that shame about your...
Just a reminder, I think,
that you should only bone people that you can talk to.
You don't have to make those decisions by yourself.