Did I hear that you took up a special hobby
during the whole shutdown?
The whole COVID shutdown?
What is it?
Who told?
What did they tell you?
I was told you were doing pole dancing.
Ooh yes!
Well I was doing it before the pandemic
and then during the pandemic I spent
a lot of time doing it 'cause I was like,
what the fuck else am I gonna do?
But yeah,
I love pole dancing.
It's hard.
I have to say I,
years ago,
I took a course because there was a,
I was taught a course on the Late Night Show
and someone came on and was showing me
how to pole dance and I was stunned at how,
Yeah!
How hard it is to support your body
on that pole.
It's so hard and then,
you wake up the next day and you're like,
hmm muscles I didn't know I had, hurt.
Yeah but so many single dollar bills so,
So many!
I don't know how the girls dance
over the dollar bills and don't slip and fall?
Oh!
Because I slip and fall over nothing no,
I think there's a lot there's just still a lot
you need to learn if you're gonna be a stripper.
Mm hm.
I would love to be a stripper.
Would you really?
Oh yes!
If I had just taken a couple different paths
probably I'd be a stripper.
Yeah.
I think it's fun!
It might be fun to do once but to do it
over and over and over again,
that same creepy guy always gets the
same chair at the bar.
Yeah but then you get to
I'm talking about myself,
Oh!
(everyone laughs)
And keeps asking for "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
and keeps,
(everyone laughs)
holding a very small bill out
that you're supposed to come over
and squeeze it between your titties you know?
(everyone laughs)
And then you look at it and it's like a $2 bill.
Who's on the two dollar bill?
I think it's Gerald Ford.
But anyway it's very, it's not a good bill.
Who is on the two dollar bill?
Thomas Jefferson?
Is it?
I got it right?
Wow!
It is Thomas Jefferson yeah.
I have a bunch of two dollar bills.
Do you really?
Anytime I get one I keep it.
I keep them too every now and then,
You guys have them all,
(everyone laughs)
We have all seven two dollar,
all seven two dollar bills that are left
in circulation.
Huh?
I have one as well.
I have like four or five of them.
I just like 'em.
This is a date.
This is us making a connection on a date.
Wow!
It's all about two dollar bills.
I have some as well.
(everyone laughs)
Who's on it do you think?
Well it's Jefferson,
It is Jefferson!
Among us we have 24 dollars.
Later at a wedding chapel in Vegas,
(Conan hums wedding march)
I mean that is kind of like a first date.
First date suck!
I really hate them.
Hmm?
It's just small talk for
like an hour and a half.
Yeah.
I haven't been on a first date since
I think it was 1971.
So it's been a long time.
Really?
No I'm kidding I,
(everyone laughs)
I'm not that old!
I was like that's so long!
I'm not that old yeah.
And I was like how old are you?
(everyone laughs)
I was no,
but it's been so long I mean it was my,
yeah my wife is my last first date.
It better be my last first date,
that would a problem.
How long have you been together?
Twenty two years.
Oh that's so nice!
Yeah it is good.
I should probably put in a better response than
yeah.
(everyone laughs)
You went oh twenty two that's so nice!
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah she would make it to twenty two years.
Yeah she, it's been really great she.
I love it that's very nice.
That's what I want twenty two years,
that seems nice.
I'm not sure you do want that.
Conan!
I'm sorry, I , I'm, I'm just, I'm like a
provocative therapist this is my job.
What do you think I want?
Well in the past you said you want
To fuck!
Yeah.
But I told you I'm horny for love.
Right but do you want, do you,
are you looking for someone who you'll marry
and grow old with?
Well I don't know if I wanna get like
married, married
but I do want like a partner
and I do not really wanna grow old in general
because like the older I get,
the more things hurt.
So I'd like to stop time here.
But I would like to spend time with someone
for a long time.
That's nice.
I believe,
call me romantic if you put that out,
Romantic.
Thank you.
(everyone laughs)
I believe that if you put that out there,
that it happens, I really do.
Okay.
I think when you're ready for it
and you put that out there,
which you just did,
that can happen for you.
Well from your lips to God's ears!
Is that the saying?
Yeah but it's not God,
who's involved in this.
Who is it?
I believe it's from your mouth to God's south.
Oh!
What, what does that mean?
I don't know it just came out.
What happened to?
What happened to you?
(everyone laughs)
How about this Squirly?
Are you okay?
Write them, write them down first.
(Nicole laughs)
Write them down first and
pass them over to David.
And if he thinks they're good,
he'll give you the thumbs up.
South meaning dick.
Oh meaning dick?
Oh no!
Gimme that God dick.
Oh God!
I don't think I want God's dick.
Let me explain something he's,
Too big!
He has a new baby and he's sleep deprived.
What kind?
Ha ha we got a girl!
Oh that's nice!
Yeah she's a sweetheart.
Do you like her?
Yeah I love her to tears.
Wait she's brand new?
She's nine months.
Oh okay yeah.
Well, she'll give her time you'll get annoyed.
Oh, oh really?
And also he's not getting any sleep.
That was the whole point of this detour.
Oh I see!
And so he just lately has been saying stuff.
Oh!
And all of us are scratching our heads.
We don't know what's happening with him.