[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
Yo, that shit is whack.
That's-- that's goofy.
Because, like, you need plastic--
if you got a pit bull, you need plastic bags.
And then, also, you go to the store
where you're supposed to bring a tote bag.
I'm gonna walk through my neighborhood with a tote bag?
I'm not trying to get cooked.
No, man.
Yo, Totey McGee!
Yo, this singer got a canvas tote.
Yo, look at tote bag over here.
Yo, this nigga got a Rachael Ray.
Look at this Whole Foods ass nigga.
Yo, Rachael Ray.
Yo!
Also, people will feel a kind of way
if you go to the supermarket and you pull out a tote bag.
You know that all the cashiers are gonna
start talking shit about you.
This nigga gonna be buying, like, one can of Spaghetti
O's, and he got a tote bag.
You know what that means.
Those are cool, because those are, like, ours.
Because you put a gun-- and they come with a gun.
We call them burner bags.
You know what I'm saying?
They're made for shoplifting too--
But why do we gotta rid of plastic bags?
What?
For, like, the ocean or something?
I mean, there's no ocean in New York.
Listen.
I don't plan on getting locked up anytime soon,
so my tuna intake is lower.
So I'm not really--
So wait.
Why we gotta get-- wait.
So we can't use plastic bags, but him and Fetty Wap can?
Damn.
Rest in peace to bags.
This is anti-bodega, by the way.
You know what I'm saying?
It is.
Now you gotta use a paper bag?
Come on, man.
Poppy's not trying to put all your beer,
and Dutches, and tube socks, and condoms in a paper bag.
The guy at Bar Bodega, like, he was like, fuck that.
He's still going to do plastic bags.
But he does it like how they sell loosies.
So he'd look.
He'd be like, if you don't look like a cop,
you get a plastic bag.
I'm with that.
I gotta get rid of this shit somehow.
Only if someone snitches.
Like, yo, let me be coming out the bodega.
I got a plastic bag.
If a cop stop me, I'll be like, take me to jail.
I'm not snitching.
I'll never give Poppy up.
Fuck that.
Where'd you get this bag?
I'll do 20 years.
Hey, asshole.
Drop the fucking bag.
Fuck that.
I just gotta stuff the bag in my pants, like--
It's like good cop, bad cop.
It's like, listen.
If you take the deal--
DESUS: I'm not.
You'll only take 10-- you'll only get five years.
Listen.
Poppy's too nice with the top cheese.
Can't sell him out.
He's like, I love you.
You's a real nigga.
Salam.
This is-- That's my nigga right there.
I'm in jail.
I was like, Poppy, what did I tell you about that word?
It's OK.
You my guy, you know?
Plastic bags.
Tote bags.
Who even got that many tote bags?
What if you go to-- oh, y'all got tote bags?
Who here fucks with tote bags?
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
Damn.
All right.
Y'all-- y'all like totes, I guess.
You know what it is?
BJ's caught me, because they sell the reusable bags
for like $0.50 at the register.
And it's like, yo, save the planet, yo.
Don't be an asshole.
Yeah, and what happens is you buy those bags.
And you forgot you bought them.
And the next time you come to the register,
you're like, oh, shit. I should have brought them.
Let me buy more.
It's a never-ending cycle.
That's true.
But Heather's my wife, so they're
in the car at all times.
It's also living in New York.
We don't have cars, like, to have tote bags in the back
and shit.
Carry a bag in my bag.
There's a homeless guy that does that
on the two train every day.
He's very whimsical.
Also, guys, we don't-- you don't-- guys don't carry bags.
We just stuff everything in our pockets.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the ones that be on the--
Have a satchel.
The ones that be on the subway and don't move
when you try to get by them.
I see them guys.
I have a small satchel, because I'm, you know--
I'm-- yeah.
I'm-- you know, I--
I'm considerate of other people's space,
because, you know, that's true.
People get on a subway with the big-ass book bag
with, like-- shit looks like it has 30 books in two places.
That's very inconsiderate.
I'm going to go around spreading plastic bags
like Johnny Appleseed.
Just throw them out everywhere.
Everyone gets plastic bags. - Yo, everybody.
Pick up your dog shit.
What has the Earth done for me lately?
OK?
It was mad cold the other day.
All right?
Forget that.
So yo, I gave you oxygen, B. What the fuck?
Oh, god.
The ones that look like a coral reef?
The plastic ones that look like kind of mutated clogs?
What, these?
Earth.
Nah, I'm good.
I'm good.
Why-- what-- what makes them Earth?
Are they, like, 100% recycled materials or some bullshit?
Oh, of course.
What's the resell on them?
Because they used to-- the resell one Yeezys
used to be sick.
And I always dropped them.
That's why, like, hype beasts such as myself
no longer buys them.
What would Bernie say?
No.
That's a lot of-- that's a lot of Boosts.
It's too much. Too many Boosts.
No one man should have all that boosting.
No.
MAN (ON VIDEO): I can't believe that's a brick.
What is wrong with you?
What is-- are you guys trolling?
Are you trolling?
Or did you wake up and say, let me be stupid?
Let me be a fucking clown.
Because how is making over $50 on a shoe, how is that a brick?
Give me $50.
Give me-- give me $50.
And then multiply it by 200, because that's
how many pairs I hit.
So give me-- give me the money, because you don't
know what you're talking about.
Why did he have that ominous Rick Ross beat?
Like, chill.
He's threatening niggas at gunpoint
to come get these sneakers.
God damn.
Calm down, Stephen.
His mother gonna be so mad when she gets home from work
and can't put the car in the garage.
She's like, god damn it, Stephen.
Where am I supposed to park the Prius?
It's supposed to hail tonight.
That's a lot of Yeezys, man.
No.
I wear shoes, and people are like, yo,
are you wearing those?
I'm like, yeah, they're shoes.
Yo, but those are reselling for, like, 80-bazillion--
I'm like, I don't-- they're shoes.
Yeah, reselling is too difficult,
because you gotta, like, mail them and all this stuff.
And, like, if you get ripped off, you know,
then you gotta go find a person and jump them.
Like--
Also, it's a little-- it's a little gauche to get
sent shit for free, and then be like,
yo, hey, I'm gonna flip this.
Gauche?
Did I say it wrong?
I did, right?
Gout.
It's like, say it's happening.
I'm getting gout.
I was thinking about something I was just
going through the same time.
DESUS: You're gonna lose your big toe.
My gauche. No, my gauche.
You eat too much lobster--
Gauche-- gauche took my ankle.
Isn't gauche that weird beer with, like, the top is--
That's grolsch.
Grolsch?
We got gauche, grolsch--
And then there's Dave Grohl.
True.
Of Foo Fighters fame.
Foo Fighters.
There you go.
(SINGING) Don't want to be your monkey wrench.
Everybody was like, yo, how the fuck?
You guys ready for the show?
[APPLAUSE]