I think as a parent all I can say is you can never take anything for granted. Things like you
know park time or you know just being outdoors with our children or just being around more children
I just feel like Angad and me always wanted to have two children
I was the first one to actually get fever and you know we were testing and constantly testing
and suddenly like overnight we were like lets just get the entire house tested and 9 people at
home, including like my in laws and staff and everyone tested positive
I remember after starting Freedom to Feed, I reached out to a really large mall in Mumbai and
I was just like hey, would you like to associate with us and give women a little bit of space
and you know because one time in a mall I don’t think there will be more than 2-3 women
breastfeeding at the same time so you don’t really need that much real estate to make it
comfortable for them. They were like no, we have this. And I am just like that’s great you
know that you have a breast-feeding spot in the mall and that’s when they said, where is it? I
have to use it. They said that sofa in the toilet, I was aghast
Hi Neha, welcome to Pinkvilla.
Hi thank you very much.
You will be embracing motherhood for the second time and I believe personally that being a
mother is one of the most toughest job in the world and you will be accepting it and
embracing it for the second time. How does it feel?
I feel its fantastic. Its only because of you know, of Mehr and because I have experienced
motherhood that I know how amazing it is that I want to do it all over again not to say that
anything is going change because of, with the way I feel for Mehr.
She is always going to be my baby girl but I just feel like Angad and me always wanted to
have two children and we are on our way and it’s a you know
I always say that children are a blessing and I am very excited like you know in my head,
both, he and I are not people who make a big deal about things I mean as long as everyone’s
healthy, everyone’s happy, everything else figures itself out, I feel.
According to you, Neha what are the challenges of being a mother? It’s a very tough task
I mean I don’t know if the challenge is such but if every mother is right now going through
that, every parent I would say is going through that is living with children who are you know
getting used to life and a pandemic around which is just so hard because you know she gets it
now. She’s a little over 2 and a half and she knows that you know like she used to wear her
socks and shoes and like she used to wear like you know her little hairband before going out,
she wears her mask as well. It’s not like you know she comes next to the door and asks
where’s my mask? Because she sees us do the same thing.
And its tough you know, things that we took for granted and my only thing is that when she
was born it was 2018 and the first wave struck us and the lockdown happened in March 2020,
if I am not wrong. I don’t have the exact date and I think as a parent all I can say is you can
never take anything for granted. Things like you know park time or you know just being
outdoors with our children or just being around more children like after a point it got
frustrating for us as well. I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for her because
she went through this phase, she went through the lockdown when she was a little over 14
months. Literally the day she started walking the next day, I was at a shoot I still remember
and the next day it was like we all had to pack our bags and leave so she walked for three
days in the outdoors and then she like learnt everything indoors. You know that we see so,
they have so much resilience, so tough and they figure it out but I don’t think its fair on
anyone but the fact is that in the midst of all that, focus on just parents, focus on being
positive, focus on the fact that you have so much time with your children, that you are seeing
them grow. These are things that we would have probably not experienced if it wasn’t for the
amount of time we spend at home.
But like you rightly said, the challenge for parents have become so much in the last year and
a half because earlier you know when children used to go to school, they used to imbibe
certain discipline, certain mannerism in school. So there used to be a co-parenting between
parents and the school. Now but it has become like the responsibility completely of parents
right now because they are constantly grooming the kids while they are at home. Has, you
know Mehr started pre school or is going to start?
Yeah, yeah. She goes to this lovely school called Toddlers Den. She does virtual school.
Today was actually her first day in her new class and she’s like you know very with it and
telling her teacher and they had a small like get to know each other kind of game and she is
like I spy with my little eye and she kept playing that and something with yellow and she kept
looking at Zoom. And she knows how to work technology you know. I mean they are so
young. I was just like, okay Mehr, say bye and then she looked at me and said should I leave?
Should I leave the Zoom link? You know she says stuff like that. its amazing how kids are
just you know they are conditioned to learn under any circumstances so she figures it out and
a lot of the learning comes from me because I actually, the only time I read is before going to
bed. So, I am the one of person that consumes news at night and that’s a really old habit I
have of mine. Like in the morning, I am just like I need to sleep and then whatever has
happened in the day I like to read it and then read a little more but usually its bed time
reading which I have had a habit since I was a little kid. So, she gets that from me but hers
more educational you know combination of storytelling. So now she’s gone into a phase
where she tells us what it is and I was just like okay and then she’ll be like chocolate was first
found in Brazil but now the thing is we have to figure out where Brazil is on the map for her.
But she is quick learner, the outdoors like stuff because now things have opened up a little
bit. I can’t run behind her so her dad’s taken her for football class. You know she is partly
athletic and partly academic; you know she is still finding out. We are still finding out where
her real interest lies. We are letting her grow that’s the most important thing.
But isn’t it a challenge and as parent doesn’t it bug you at that point in time that you are not
letting them go out, you are not letting them in community, you are not letting them because
you know we have all done that and you know?
Of course, man is a social animal. If you take out social part you know you are left with
nothing but of course it worries me but at the same time we try and do as much as we can and
to like keep things a little social whether its in a small little bio bubble or something but they
say like there is no such thing as a bio bubble because whoever is a part of your bio bubble is
stepping out to meet someone so that’s also extremely worrying
There was like one little newsflash for like vaccine coming in for kids between 3 and 12 so
one keeps reading about different things but its just that we got to survive you know. We all
had Covid when we were in Delhi just now so you know even, I had mild Covid in the midst
of my pregnancy you know things have been not so great. Because you have come out
healthy, okay you feel like it’s been okay.
I recently read an interview where you said that I was pregnant when Angad got Covid.
This is a very difficult time.
It was. I really was because I was the first one to actually get fever and you know we were
testing and constantly testing and suddenly like overnight we were like let’s just get the entire
house tested and 9 people at home, including like my in laws and staff and everyone tested
positive. And I isolated with Mehr because being the only person who can be there with her
was me because at that point mine was just showing fever again and again but you know you
always have that fear and it was very hard. She couldn’t understand like you know in any
case you are living in these tiny apartments and then it gets even tinnier because you are
in a room. You can’t, it’s like concentration camps for them.
Plus, I was pregnant so it was so hard for me to like you know to keep everything under
check and the worry of being so far away from the one you love and all of them have Covid.
Nights seem so long; I can’t tell you. I just felt like one more night and then counting days
and then I just felt like living through the nights and just everybody turns their phones off
when they sleep. They are probably okay but because they are so far you worry so much for
them and you know just with children you sometimes you have to relieve yourself of the duty
and come back to them so there was nobody else like you know. Her primary care takers and
you know Angad of course and she was always like, where is Papa?
It was hard I think its past me and I feel like that’s really going to be a very
strong memory of our second pregnancy at least for me.
But like you said, it must be a very difficult time. What suggestions would you like to give to
pregnant women who are also you know conceiving during the Covid times? And how
should, what should they do to make sure that they keep them safe?
No so you know there are couple of things. As a community you know we have Freedom to
Feed which is a parenting community which I run. It started off as a breast feeding
community but now it’s a parenting community but now the one thing that we did do was
support this petition that was being started by Priyali when she was pregnant for women
whether taking the vaccine is their choice or not and then initially they said that pregnant
women shouldn’t take the vaccine and then later on it, the petition got cleared and it became a
matter of choice so my point is that you know under your gynaecologist’s advise if you think
that it is the right thing to do, please take the vaccine. If you think you want to refrain from
taking the vaccine then please live your life with utmost caution because its not like because
you stepped out therefore you will get Covid or because you have been at home so it’s a
guarantee you won’t get Covid. There are often more cases where people haven’t even
stepped out and they are like he doesn’t even go anywhere how did it happen to him?
So, you know there’s no formula as such as to who is going to get it and who is not going to
get this so just be extremely careful. If you have children at home and you are pregnant like
in our case, be even more careful. We were very cautious; we were fully isolated and then
you know we got struck by it. So and then when it happens and when it happens, there is very
little medication that you can take under the given circumstances so yeah I mean most
important thing work on positivity because you know
if in your head if you stay positive everything like half the battle is won.
I agree with you. Did you opt for vaccination?
No. I am not vaccinated right now. And I decided not to and I will be taking the vaccine after
depending on how long I am going to be breast feeding for and what the format is and what
amount of break you need to take and then those decisions will be taken once you know I am
ready for it. But I am not vaccinated yet but I do have, we did an antibody test and I do have
antibodies which is a blessing in disguise.
Because I did get a mild version of Covid.
You have also spoken a lot about normalising breast feeding in public which is a very, very
important topic to talk about and I also saw that there was some social media back lash also
when we spoke about this. But how do you react to it now? Do you think more and more
people are understanding the importance of this?
I don’t know about the social media back lash but I know there is been a lot of support as
well, that’s what I want to focus on. As far as normalising breast feeding is concerned, I will
give you a small example, like when we started Freedom to Feed and why we started it was
because I felt the amount of discomfort going out and feeding my daughter when I was out
publicly and then you don’t understand woman goes through lots of things and you don’t
realise is postpartum, you don’t want to feel left alone.
Sometimes you just want to take a walk in the mall.
I remember after starting Freedom to Feed, I reached out to a really large mall in Mumbai and
I was just like hey, would you like to associate with us and give women a little bit of space
and you know because one time in a mall I don’t think there will be more than 2-3 women
breastfeeding at the same time so you don’t really need that much real estate to make it
comfortable for them. They were like no, we have this. And I am just like that’s great you
know that you have a breast-feeding spot in the mall and that’s when they said, where is it? I
have to use it. They said that sofa in the toilet, I was aghast that you know people still treat it
like that. The point is that if its meal time you can give that sofa in the toilet to the restaurant
owner, right? It’s the same thing. So why would you do this to new mums and their kids?
You need to normalise it by giving women spaces, physically and mentally. Like mentally,
even give them the space. So, if they are sitting somewhere and feeding their child because
we are going to do it in any case. You know if our child is crying, I am not going to worry
about you looking at me and you know someone else looking at me or going
I am going to go for it because for me nothing else here. There is a being that comes out of
me, the next second you don’t know where this love comes from where you can take a bullet
for this person but this is just something that mums are going to do so why would you not
give them the space? Why would you not normalise? Or why would you sexualise it? What is it
such a large association that the minute you say breast, lets just talk about, let’s just sexualise
it? No, you have to understand its breast feeding, it’s the most natural thing you do. We have
all gone through it. And mothers who write to us who have said that they are sitting in their
own balcony you know and I get it some of us want to do it in private. Like if I am at home, I
don’t want to do it in living room. I want to do it in the comfort of my bedroom, I want my
back rest, I want my familiar surroundings and I want all that. That’s also fine. I want to be in
isolation. You know it’s my prerogative.
But at the same time, it doesn’t mean that if there is a mum, I would go back to the mother
who wrote to us, she is sitting in her own balcony and if I want to get some fresh air and do it,
doesn’t mean just because you can look into my balcony, you got to look at me every time,
every three hours that I take my baby out, feed my child. Not okay, its not cool. So, I mean I
really think that you know talking about it, vocalising it, starting communities or starting a
chatter around it is very important.
How is Mehr preparing for the little baby?
Oh, it’s very exciting you know. We are trying to like now renovate the room a bit and they
are going to be sharing a room because I just feel like siblings need to be put together and
you know they learn so much and she is going to be a great big sister you know sometimes
she gets some, like the other day she got two boxes of finger paints like someone sent her. I
said would you like to use one? Usually when she was her usual self like open and then she
would rip another one apart and then she’d be like, no let’s save this for the baby. And then
she has got a name for the baby and then she has got this book where learning what a baby
kangaroo is called or a baby giraffe or a baby lion, stuff like that. And then she is like where
is my baby? What are we going to call him? We haven’t decided names
yet but I just feel like we need to do that sooner.
You are doing A Thursday from perspective. How excited are you for that film?
And what’s up in the pipeline beside that film?
I finished a film called Sanak with Vidyut and Vipul Shah was producing it so it should be out
soon, I am not sure when I think they have a song or two left. And I do have Thursday on the
cards as well, its very exciting. Its lovely to be working with you know I mean the cast is really
cool and I mean as is the cast in Sanak. This is lots of, there is Dimple Kapadia, then there is
Yami, then there is whole bunch of like you know it’s a great crowd to be in so I am excited
about that. There is Atul Kulkarni who I am working with first time so its nice, nice to you
know be around people and it’s a tough part
And a tough one so its nice.
I can’t wait to see that and I can’t wait to catch up after few months once the baby is here.
Thank you so much Neha, this was a lovely, lovely conversation.
Thank you very much and thank you for talking to me.
Bubye.
Take care. Bye