You have the most upscale podcast studio.
I mean, these cameras on the wall.
You got a two-way mirror over there.
Who knows who's behind that?
Whom or who's?
It's a jury of your peers sitting behind that.
You ever do jury duty?
I've tried, but they always ask me to leave.
Really? Yeah.
And what if you're,
what if you're the defendant?
Can you leave?
No, if you're the defendant, you have to stay.
That's another bit with the straw.
(Sona laughs)
You call these bits?
Have you done jury duty?
No, I've tried many times.
Yeah, they don't like it
when a known person is on the jury.
Sometimes they think it's distracting.
So you did jury or no?
I tried.
Several times in New York and LA.
I heard it's fun.
I, Sona, you've done jury duty.
It is so much fun. It's my favorite.
I love it. I've been on a jury twice.
Really?
Yeah, once was a hung jury.
The second one was guilty.
And it's fun.
You get an hour and a half for lunch.
You could leave at 4:30, you know,
get there there at 10:30.
This is what they had in mind when they set
up our judicial system,
was Sona's comfort and snack schedule.
I ran into a cop once and I said
"Is it true if you get a ticket and you don't pay it,
you say you want to go to court.
The cops usually don't show up?"
Especially on a holiday or close to a holiday.
So when you got that DUI last time,
you should have kept that in mind.
What happened there?
Did you have, you just had a mental,
I think a synapse snapped right there.
You went, and when that happens
you should keep that in mind.
Next time have them keep it in mind.
Do you always make fun of people's,
you know, inadequacies?
(Conan laughs)
I am now.
This is, you're falling apart.
You're an ATM on the fritz.
What's happening Kevin? Are you having a rough day?
You know, I was driving over here
and I think, "I can't wait to see Conan."
I've changed my mind about that.
(hosts laugh)
I really have.
Why is it that every time we come on here
it's just back and forth.
Why can't we just be real?
It's like a marriage
No. Yeah.
It's not.
Speaking of which, your wife, lovely.
Oh, man. Isn't she the best?
I am so lucky. She is the best.
I am so, so lucky.
She's gorgeous, she's beautiful.
She's smart, she's funny.
Beautiful. Talented.
Talented. She's so supportive,
unlike some people I know.
I know. My wife never helps me out.
Oh, God.
Oh, is that what we were talking about?
No, no.
No, we both married well.
You gotta admit we both did very well.
We married, what do they call it up?
We married up. We both married up.
Yeah.
We're two guys that no one would probably wanna hang
out with for very long.
I'm sorry. I'm including myself.
Do you think you're insecure, basically?
I'm serious right now. Do you think you're insecure?
How do I know you're being serious?
You're a shape shifter.
I'm not stuttering.
Wow. That's a good tell.
Basically, insecure.
I think I have been in my life.
I think less so now than I was maybe earlier in my life.
You ever watch "DareDevil" on Disney+?
(Conan laughs)
You're the worst therapist.
Wait a minute. Let's see where I'm going here.
Yeah, do you know?
Let's see where you're going.
Ask me why.
I haven't seen the "Daredevil" on Disney+.
It's just called "Daredevil."
Okay, sorry. I haven't seen "Daredevil" on Disney+.
That's like saying the "Superman."
Yeah. Or "The Batman."
Oh wait, that's what they called "The Batman."
'Cause they ran outta titles.
Anyway.
And let me me tell you why I asked you
about the "Daredevil."
I just started watching it.
My son got me kind of hooked on it.
It's just "Daredevil."
"Daredevil," the TV show,
is about a guy who was blinded as a child,
but he has all the other senses are, like, increased,
you know, super senses.
That's why when you asked me what was it?
(group laughing)
What just happened?
Anyway, my sense,
he's able to tell if somebody is nervous
or scared just by listening.
He could hear their heart rate.
And that's what I did before.
Whenever it was you said what it was to me. (laughs)
This is a total disaster.
You're terrible.
I love that you interrupt, you take over-
I never interrupt.
And then you don't know where to go.
And then you get lost.
(Kevin laughs)
It's incredible.
Nothing has happened yet.
I know.
You couldn't help me.
We have been talking for about 20 minutes
and I defy you, I defy our listeners
to find three consecutive minutes
that means anything, that has any continuity,
that builds to any conclusion.
If you have been listening to me
you would find a lot of continuity.
But no, you're off on a rant about the drone,
about me stuttering, about, you know, continuity issues.
You're not listening. You're in your own little head.
(Sona chuckling)
I'm gonna try you again.
Why is this date so important? October 27th.
It's when "Hiking with Kevin" premieres.
Yes.
Yeah. Yes.
That's all you wanted to get to?
What about, let's talk about, you have this book, right?
Oh, now you're talking my talk.
(Conan and Sona laugh)
You're quite a good artist.
And I think you did a series of really fantastic,
did you see these, Sona?
They're really-
And I'm seeing them now. They're amazing.
They're really incredible. They're amazing.
You tell stories, you write these sort of essays
about all these people that you've encountered
in show business and these are really fantastic.
That Christopher Walken one.
You guys are so nice.
I'm sorry for what happened before.
What I did, yeah, now that I'm,
you're happy when I'm promoting your wares.
Really iconic people in here.
Well, since this is audible,
Conan is looking at my new book that's coming out.
October 25, Conan. 2002.
It's called "I Exaggerate: My Brushes with Fame."
It's a collection.
I started painting, well, I've done multimedia.
I started a couple years ago,
and I've always loved to draw.
You're actually in the front of this.
I saw.
You're more of a sketch.
Yeah, you didn't give me,
like, a real portrait.
No, I didn't.
Because I've seen a lot of caricatures of you
and I've been into your office
and there's so many paintings.
I thought, "He won't even appreciate this."
Oh, I would've.
But look, this is one you did of me in 1992.
Yeah.
So this is before I got the "Late Night" show.
And you did this caricature of me.
That's in the front, yeah.
That is great.
Right, isn't that cool?
And there's another one of you in there.
Can you find it?
And I remembered, no, I don't think there is.
No, it's in the front.
Yeah, it's, like, one of those.
Anyway, I've loved-
I've only seen one.
I love to-
Is that me right there?
Flip the page back.
Beautiful woman.
No, no. Flip back.
Back, back, okay.
Jesus.
No, I guess I'm wrong. How about go forward now?
No, there's no other one of me.
There's just that one.
Wait, no, go back again.
Now go forward.
Okay, stop it. You know-
Anyway, so let me, you asked me,
I'm gonna tell you.
I started, you know, I've been an artist most of my life.
You know, I started doodling people
when I was a really young kid.
And then when I got to SNL, during the table read,
I would sketch people in the margin of the script
that I wasn't in and I didn't care about.
And whoever was sitting across from me,
it could be Farley or Dana.
So, and then I started sketching people on airplanes.
You'll see some of those sketches in the beginning.
It's called "I Exaggerate: My Brushes with Fame."
We've plugged that.
We've plugged the book.
Here's the cool thing about the book, Conan.
It's gonna make a great gift
'cause it comes out around the holidays. (laughs)
But check with your doctor.
So... (laughs)
Can I ask you something, Sona?
And I'm gonna ask Eduardo to jump in too.
Have you guys noticed that he's completely incoherent
when we're just trying to talk as normal human beings,
but the minute he's promoting something,
you are the most eloquent speaker since Winston Churchill.
Suddenly you are this great statesman,
every thought nuanced and packed with meaning.
The book also has antidotes next to each painting.
(group laughing)
And they're little antidotes
that kind of relate to the person that I've drawn.
It's called anecdotes. You keep saying antidotes.
No, antidotes.
Antidotes.
Anecdotes.
There's medicine in there is what I'm saying.
(Sona and Conan laugh)
And there's a story that relates my history
with that person, my experience,
unless I don't know the person,
i.e. Freddie Mercury, i.e. meaning, that is.
And although, if it's a Freddie Mercury type,
I will just reminisce about being in a garage band.
So you have people in here,
you have obviously Garry Shandling,
who you were very close to.
And you know what's nice?
You reprinted your, the eulogy you gave for Garry.
I did. Some of it.
Which was really beautiful and funny and touching.
One of the best I've ever heard.
Thank you.
And so, it's nice that that's in here.
You've got an amazing Howard Stern, this Christopher Walken.
Oh yeah. That one jumped out at me.
The painting is absolutely fantastic.
He looks like a feral owl, but-
He looks like a troll doll, almost.
Yeah.
You've got Schwarzenegger, who of course you worked with
back in the day with "Hans and Franz."
Yeah's that's my friend.
That is correct.
We wrote the "Hans and Franz" movie. It was a musical.
Yes.
I'm just reminding you of that.
There are people who wanna see that script.
They, people are asking for a table read.
No, I know, I know.
We can't figure out who owns it.
Did you know that?
We've actually looked into it.
Really?
Because Robert Smigel, myself, Dana and Kevin
in 1992, wrote a "Hans and Franz "musical
with Arnold Schwarzenegger in it.
And then it didn't get green lit.
And soon after that, I was off
to host the "Late Night" show.
That's where I know you from.
Incredible.
(group laughing)
I was kicking myself saying,
"Where do I know this guy from?"
(Conan chuckles)
"He looks so familiar."
You're right. So it was a musical.
But also, you're forgetting to say
that Arnold Schwarzenegger was gonna co-produce it
and star in it, as well.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it never was made.
And some people now were saying they want the table read
for the "Hans and Franz" musical.
I have no memory.
I remember us, I think being on some lot
writing it together.
You kept coming in and at the time
you were only drinking health shakes.
I think you came in every day and you spent a lot
of time mixing powders in a giant, like, baby bottle.
Really?
And then you would sip out of them
and you wore a tracksuit and-
Oh, that's when I was training for the Olympics.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah. And-
I never had a tracksuit in my life.
You did. You wore a tracksuit.
I remember you were lying on the couch
with your shorts on, or maybe they were briefs,
and you had no shirt on.
I think I sketched you. I sketched you.
It's true. (laughs)
It's true.
And I was wearing, I remember this,
I was wearing the locket that Kate Winslet has in "Titanic."
I remember that really well.
That is true, as well.
Remember, and then we wanted to put it in a safe,
and then you and I went running through the ship together.
Oh yeah, yeah.
While our Irish music played.
You, there has been a call for us
to do a table read for the "Hans and Franz" musical.
I hope that happens someday.
But I understand no one can figure out,
I don't, a, I don't know if anyone has a copy.
Why? Who cares who owns it?
I think you have to get their permission or something.
I don't know.
It's been a long time.
We're not making money from it, are we?
Yeah.
Well I would insist that we try
and make at least a couple hundred thou.
You're all about cash, aren't you?
I need cash badly.
I've been to, I made-
I don't really need-
I made some bets with some bad people.
I don't really, I'm not,
I'm very comfortable where I am in life.
My wife is from old crypto, so.
(group laughs)
I don't really have to worry about that.
You, you're such an ass.