healing feels like the process
of slowly unraveling everything
that is not you to reveal
the true you that is within
and this process of unraveling
is not pretty
it's not delicate
it's oftentimes very ugly
very messy and very emotional
and it's been quite a journey
it's one of those things
that is not a linear journey at all
healing has its ups and downs
it's also its own roller coaster
you make progress and then you backtrack
and then you make some more progress
and so on ultimately it's a journey
that we all are on
whether we want to be or not
if we don't want to be on this journey
it typically takes us much longer to heal
because we are avoiding
we are running away
and we're not facing the things
that we need to heal from
on the other hand it's something
that you cannot force
it's not something where you can
just decide to do it and it's done
there are ways to accelerate it
and support this journey
but ultimately
it's one that is out of your control
on how it happens and how it unfolds
my personal approach to healing is to
number one, surrender
surrender to what you're meant to heal
at that time
how it's meant to unfold at that time
and surrender to even the triggers
that life throws at you
the things that reveal the darkness
and the shadows in you
that need to be healed
secondly, is to be gentle with myself
when i am going through healing phases
because i get very emotional
i get sensitive
i'm very vulnerable at those times
i don't try to force myself to get through it
quicker or to be productive during these times
i really allow myself to just let the feelings flow
and to let the emotions cool down naturally
instead of trying to rush through anything
the third thing that i believe is crucial to healing
is you have to feel it to heal it
which means you need to
let these emotions come up
and you need to feel them
and you need to express them
in whatever way that looks like to you
whether it is crying it out
journaling it out
maybe singing, maybe dancing
have some sort of creative outlet
but some way to look at and face
those feelings or those stories
i envision healing as this continuous journey
where you are spiraling upwards
spiraling because you are essentially revisiting
and healing the same themes
and the same things that you have
already been healing
but the new layers of it
in new levels and the more you go down this journey
the lighter and lighter you feel
because you're essentially
taking off anything that is heavy
anything that's been a burden
any part of your construct
and conditioning that is not you
so as i get older
as i continue to heal on this journey
it's nice to be able to feel more and more
at peace and i truly do feel lighter
and lighter each time i heal
and i think that is the motivation
for going through these dark moments
sometimes where you have to
you know let yourself feel sad
you have to let yourself face things
that are very uncomfortable
to face knowing that at the end of this journey
there is light
personally for me,
the entire month of july
and bleeding into the month of august
have been really deep healing
emotional months for me
i can't tell you how many times
i have cried and sobbed
and had those moments to myself
where i was going going through it
i was feeling it
i was revisiting childhood emotions
and beliefs and thoughts
and working through them
through journaling but i think i just wanted
to make a video talking about healing
just to get some discussion going
and to check in with you guys
how are you doing on your healing journey?
and if you are going through those
dark moments of shadow work
and it's not easy
and it's really uncomfortable
just know that you're not alone
we're all going through it
everyone has their seasons of life
phases of life
and i just happened to be in a phase
of a lot of deep healing work
it's like those moments where you have to retreat
into your deep dark cave
and let yourself be really messy
and whatever you need to be
and be gentle with yourself
before you can kind of come back out
a new version of yourself
shedding that old layer
i just think of the cocoon and the butterfly
that comes out afterwards
anyway, on that note
i'd like to take a quick break
and thank better help for sponsoring today's video
if you've been going through healing
or you've been dealing with
your mental health, anxiety or something else
consider trying therapy
betterhelp is the world's largest therapy service
and it's 100% online
healing is a journey
and therapy is all about deepening
your awareness and understanding of yourself
it's helpful to get a third person's point of view
sometimes on your thoughts
because sometimes they help you see things
that you can't see
it's also nice to have an outlet to express
your thoughts and emotions
and heal from any negative beliefs or patterns
that have held you back
with betterhelp, you can tap into a network
of over 25,000 licensed and experienced therapists
who can help you with a wide range of issues
to get started, just answer a few questions
about your needs and preferences
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you can then talk to your therapist
via text, cha,t phone, or video call
you can message them anytime
and schedule live sessions
whenever it's convenient for you
betterhelp is more flexible and affordable
than in-person therapy
and you can also switch therapists
at no additional charge
get 10% off your first month
at betterhelp.com/aileen
i'll also have that link down below
so you can check it out
alright, let's talk about the goals of healing
i find that people often talk about
the healing process but not the end goal
that we're all reaching for
i personally believe that the goal
that you want to have in this healing journey
is to be able to reach three things
the first is to be able to reach
a place where you have unconditional self-love
meaning you completely love yourself
unconditionally, no matter what for all your flaws
everything just embracing everything
that you are and loving yourself
the second thing is to be able to cultivate
an unwavering belief in your self-worth
this is similar to self-love
but it i think is different because believing in
your self-worth and having an unwavering belief
in yourself is slightly different
the third goal, inner peace
so to finally be able to come to a place
where nothing faces you
nothing triggers you
nothing makes you mad
you always have this sense of inner peace
and of course you're still going to feel emotions in life
but they don't stay with you
they don't make you a bitter person, right?
you've let all that go
and you've come to a place
where you can live in peace
your heart is at peace
i believe with these three things
unconditional self-love, unwavering belief
in your self-worth and inner peace
you can do anything in life
you would be invincible at that point
truly think about that
if you had those three things
nothing was holding you back
you didn't have any beliefs that made you feel
like you're not enough
you love yourself
you believe in yourself
you believe in your worth
and you have inner peace
no one can trigger you
there's nothing for you to feel insecure about
just how powerful would you be, right?
that is the way that i envisioned the end goal
and of course, everyone's goal is different
i'm not saying this is the answer
but it is my answer at least for now
and that is the light at the end of the tunnel
wow like i am going through this healing journey?
i'm really getting to know myself
and i'm really learning to understand
the parts of myself that hold me back
the parts of myself that have yet to forgive
whatever it was from the past
if i were to be able to look at them
love them
let them go
underneath all of that
is the purest version of you
it is your soul
you don't have to achieve that end goal right away
it's a continuous journey towards that destination
even taking the first steps of unraveling
the first layers is like taking off armor
it's like taking off that heavy load
you're gonna already feel better about yourself
you're already going to feel lighter
you're already going to be able to live a life
that is more joyous
a little bit more peaceful
it's not about reaching the end goal
but that's it just gives you something
to point your direction towards
and that brings me to the clues
that you will get along your journey towards healing
one of the biggest clues that you can get that reveal
where you need to heal are triggers
a lot of people talk about triggers
there's something to avoid
there's a lot of like trigger warning
this trigger warning that i completely understand
why we need to do that
because some people are not ready
it's too much
it truly was a traumatizing experience
and they're trying to not get triggered
but if you can adopt this mindset
that everything that comes to you in your life
is happening for you and it is an opportunity for you
to use it to grow
to get better
to get stronger
to learn something
then you can look at figures as an opportunity to grow
because triggers reveal what has yet to be healed
they reveal your wounds
that's why it can be so triggering
and so painful
and so uncomfortable
when it happens
if you can be honest with yourself
then you'll start to notice that triggers
are an opportunity for you
to look at the parts of you that are still insecure
or the parts of you that are still in pain or wounded
and start to reflect and work through
how you can move past that
pay attention to what you don't like
about other people
what annoys you about other people
there is a part of you that has that
and you don't like that part of you
another crucial thing for you to recognize
that will help you a lot in your healing journey
is to recognize that everything is a mirror
meaning everything that you perceive in life
and in the world is a reflection of your inner self
for example, two people can watch
the same video clip about a dad
that takes his daughter to taylor swift concert
one person is like oh that's super cute
that's so sweet! look at that girl dad
and then the second person
has a different reaction
they feel a little uncomfortable
a little jealous envious
a little sad because that reflects
how they feel about their life
it's the same video clip
but two people are reacting to it in different ways
because of their own personal experiences
and their inner self
that clip is a mirror to
what that person is feeling inside
it's not the the event that
has good or bad connotation
but it is how that person perceives it
and how their own self is reflected
in how they feel about that event
another example of how triggers are mirrors
for our shadow selves is the example
of someone saying something mean to you
or someone criticizing something about you
specifically as someone who's on the internet
this happens often i mean less
because my community is amazing
but it does happen to people
and it does happen even if you're not online
let's say someone criticized your work
or they just said a mean comment about you
the only reason that comment would hurt
is if you also deep down had a piece of you
that believed what they were saying was true
that's something that i learned from being online
for so many years
is that the comments that really truly hurt
are the ones where you also kind of agree
with what they're saying
and it reveals the insecurity that you have
because if someone said something
that you completely don't agree with
you completely think it's false
oh your head is like super big
and i'd be like, that doesn't offend me
because i actually don't think my head is that big
but if they said something like,
oh this video was not that great
or they criticize something about my work
then it would hurt me a little bit more
because a part of me is insecure about
the art and creations that i put out sometimes
and that is another angle that hopefully
gives you perspective
how triggers that get to you
reveal the parts of you
that you need to heal from
i hope today's video gave you a little bit more
perspective on healing
and where you can find the clues
to start to heal
how to be gentle with yourself
through healing
and what the end goal may look like for you
i hope that you can continue
working towards having that unconditional self-love
unwavering belief in your self-worth
and that inner peace in you
i truly wish that for every single person
watching this
every single person in the world actually
because i believe that once
we get closer to that place
the world will literally be a better place
and we wouldn't get triggered all the time
we wouldn't have to argue with each other
get angry with each other
we can get to a place where
we can forgive each other
be kind and gentle and loving with each other
it is a process and it is a journey
if you want more concrete exercises
and journaling prompts on healing
and how to support your own healing journey
i'll leave some videos in the card here
and down below
so you can watch more
alright, sending you so much love!
i'll see you in the next one
bye~