What makes you a happy parent? How do you raise
a well-adjusted child and while we're on the subject
how do you go from worrying about only your own happiness to caring about
everybody around you? How do you do it when for so long
you've likely had to worry about yourself?
Well luckily for you, you're actually getting a little extra boost.
Studies have shown that within days of becoming a parent the neurons in your
brain start
rewiring themselves to make you a better caregiver. And as you interact more and more
with your child
you rapidly grow new brain cells to help make you a better parent.
Helping you make the shift from "me" to "we".
Well, turns out we're not the only ones who were interested in family dynamics.
The folks behind the new film Wish I Was Here came to us and asked if we could
investigate some of the ideas that are tackled in the new film.
Out in select theaters July 18th. Wish I Was Here is about that moment in your
life when you go from simply being a member of your family
to being the leader of your family.
"This is it. This is the spot."
"What is it?"
"This is the spot where I had one of the deepest most sincere spiritual moments
of my life. Last time I had an
epiphany it was right here."
"What's an enifany?
"An epiphany is when you
realize something that you really needed to realize.
It's, you know, sometimes in life you can get
kinda stuck and you feel like you should've changed chapters by now
but you can't."
We gathered a selection of parents and their children
to act as our subjects. First we asked the parents to step outside.
-Ok
Once they were out of sight we asked their kids a series of questions about them.
Then we invited each of the parents back in and asked them to tell us
how they thought their child answered each question.
-Ok
-So the first question we asked him was if he could have any wish for you
what would it be?
-Oh, boy. Let me...
tour the world with my band.
-Ok, let's see what he said
for him to have his band takeoff.
*laugh* Very cool
-Right on the head.
He knows what kinda efforts and persistence I've put into gaining success at music
To... be happy and live a long life. *Laughs*
For her to get a better job.
-Why do you say that?
Cause we need more money probably.
-So why do you think he said that?
Maybe cause me and his dad argue about money?
My wish will be...He will be a happy dad.
-So she just said she wants you to be happy. Why do you think that is?
I've been having ups and downs. Trying, you know, to get it together so my family's well taken care
of and they're happy.
-Do you worry about your mom?
-Sometimes
-Why do you worry about her?
Cause her dad died when I started school.
Like three days before school happened.
Well, he said he does worry about you sometimes. Why do you think that is?
I don't know. He worries a lot. I always tell you don't need to worry all the time. Just be a kid.
I guess he is like me. I worry a lot too
-Sometimes
-Why do you worry about him?
-Well, sometimes he gets a little frustrated on things.
Getting jobs. So he is working hard to get a new job.
-Does he have one right now?
-No, he is getting one.
-Right on the money. She worries about you sometimes.
Yeah, just trying, you know, to get a job and,
you know, it's frustrating. I hate being turned away.
-I worry about her sometimes because she has a pretty stressful life.
She does yell a lot.
She yells a lot I don't know why.
-So was he accurate?
-Yes *laughs*
That is like my stress response and I start out saying things really softly
of what I need to be done around the house
and each time I have to say it, it gets a little bit louder
-Not at all. wait, wait, wait. A little bit
-Not at all.
-Really? Why not?
I mean he's not in danger any time.
I mean sometimes the rent. He pays it
late sometimes but other than that we're pretty good
- Do you know if he liked his job or not?
-I used to work at Children's Hospital.
I got let go. I'm working 9-5 I can't do nothing else.
I can't hustle and make extra money. My whole day is gone. So that is why I need a night job.
When are you going to find time to sleep?
-I don't know but right now I don't have time to sleep. I work too much already, as you saw,
and I have an eight year-old daughter. She knows that I'm trying to get it together. She knows.
She's, you know, eight years old but she knows. She's smart. She knows what's going on.
I wanna be a provider for her and I want to be able to give her the best.
That's my first born, you know. That's my baby girl.
-She especially likes working with kids. That's why she is
teacher but sometimes it's just too much for her.
-Do you think he is accurate?
-Very accurate. Yes, it does overwhelm me sometimes
because, like I said, I wanna balance everything and to be a good mom and a
good teacher and a good wife
and a good everything. It's just... It's stressful.
Sometimes he gets like a thousand-dollar check every day but sometimes he gets nothing because he
didn't sell Life Alerts(?)
but on the good days he's happy
-The key to being a good parent is
being there for your kids not just financially, but physically.
-Do you think you spend enough time with her?
-Yes
-Time is hugely important but I think too many people waste all the little moments in between.
-Do you spend a lot of time with your dad?
-Yeah, usually we play games together. He is actually learning very well.
It's about how you're utilizing the time. It's in the details. It's in the small things.
We love to gear up for a camping trip and go out and
have that event to look forward to, but there's the times in between just when
you're sitting on the couch.
He's playing and "Hey dad, can you get me something to drink" and you're attentive to that. You're there for him.
-Do you think you get to spend enough time with your son?
-Probably not
-Yeah, I spend probably half my day with her.
-I didn't really quite get that he wanted to spend more time with me
from that. That makes me happy
-Is it something you worry about? That you are not getting enough time?
Yeah it is. I mean with all my kids. It's always a balance it seems.
-Welcome back. Have a seat.
If you could have three wishes to make your mom happier what would they be?
-Some money so he won't be so stressed about rent.
-Money, jewelry and a house. It's a big apartment but mom wants a house.
She could use a vacation somewhere really relaxing. And also for my dad to be home a little bit more.
Cause he's a firefighter and he works sometimes three days at a time.
-Love me, happiness, and caring.
-I'm working hard and I think that things are gonna
come together financially but the reality of right now what I'm dealing
with comes back to making
the very most of the time we do have together
including all the little times in between.
-We as parents need to realize
that they're going to have to spend less time with us as they grow up and, you know, maybe that's just the process.
-One of my favorite times is in the morning.
-You walk me to school.
-That is really good quality time.
Not this big, you know, thing like a camping trip or a vacation
but we walk together to school. Maybe for 12-15 minutes
but that's how we start the day and it's a great time together.
-Every minute counts. Every second counts. That we spend time
And when they are not with me, if I'm at work or whatever, I know they're in good hands.
These are my babies so I owe them that.
Being a good parent isn't about how much time you spend with them. It's about the quality of the time.
and that as a direct result of your ability to stay present
while you're with them. Stay tuned for more episodes and check out the movie
Wish I Was Here out in theaters July 18th. I'm Julian
and this has been The Science of Happiness.
Huuh, Feels good to be back.
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