Hi, there.
In today's video, we're going to talk about man funnel mistakes.
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Hello, there.
Mat Shaffer here, your empowerment, connection, and relationship coach.
Today, we're going to unpack the concept of the man funnel,
its strengths, and also its weaknesses.
I don't hear anybody talking about this, so I'm excited to unpack it.
I think the man funnel can actually hold you away from intimate,
meaningful connection with men, if it's done wrong
or if it's done too much.
We're going to unpack that, but before we do, take a second,
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Let's talk about this man funnel.
If you haven't heard of this concept, it means that when you're dating,
when you're out there in the world and you're dating,
you want to have a variety of prospects.
You want to be dating multiple men at the same time, that way,
you don't get what's called oneitis.
You don't get overly attached to one man, and you're able to show up
more free, and more playful, and not super attached
to any one person, and you get to experience a wide variety of men.
On one level, I absolutely agree with the concept.
I think that in the early stages of dating,
it's healthy to not overly attach to one man.
I think that it's valuable to do that.
I also have an issue with the man funnel from a male perspective.
If a man has invested some time in you, he's invested some energy in you,
and then he starts to get the sense that you're dating a wide spectrum
of people, that can for a lot of men who are craving deeper intimacy,
who are craving a deeper relationship, it can turn them off,
and it can actually create a block to them wanting to be more connected
and be more intimate with you.
For example with me, if I saw that a woman that I was hanging out
with on a regular basis, that she was regularly getting texts
from two or three or four other men, while we're dating,
or she's getting a lot of different messages on Facebook,
a lot of different guys are posting on Facebook talking about
how much they're enjoying going on dates with her.
I'm not going to feel safe in that situation.
I'm not going to feel particularly motivated to want to be vulnerable
with her, because I'm not going to feel like I'm a priority
or I'm a focus for her.
You see what I'm saying?
While the man funnel can be a good mechanism in the early stages
of dating to keep you from getting overly attached, and also to demonstrate
high value, that you're a desirable woman who's being valued
by a lot of guys, I get it, I see it, but don't use it as a way
of avoiding intimacy.
Don't use it as a self-esteem or ego boost that starts
being used gratuitously and makes you unable to transition
into a deeper, more connected relationship.
If you like a man and you don't have another three or four men
on your plate, don't be afraid to just date that one guy.
You don't need the man funnel to demonstrate value to a man.
You don't need the man funnel to avoid getting attached to one man.
You can through validation and acknowledgment of your own worth,
through practicing active self-care, managing your boundaries
and managing the of the relationship, you can keep
yourself from getting overly attached to one man.
You don't need to split your interest across three or four or five
different guys, just to avoid getting attached to one man.
There's lots of other ways to do that.
Don't sleep with him too soon.
Don't allow him to control all aspects of the relationship.
Don't let him too far into your life.
Manage the pace, set proactive boundaries, invite him in one step
at a time, and take responsibility and accountability for your own emotions
If you find yourself getting super attached to men way too quickly,
that's something to look at for yourself.
That's something to learn from.
Don't hide behind three or four dudes and use it to avoid addressing
an underlying issue that might really help you and heal you to address
in the first place.
Just to bring this whole thing around, is a bad thing, but I am saying,
just the concept of the word man funnel feels very masculine to me.
It feels very strategic to me.
I think if you don't exercise it with care, it can actually be a block to intimacy
and can diffuse connection with a nice guy
or a man who might actually be a great potential long-term partner for you.
Man funnel with care, look at why you're getting too attached to a man
too quickly if it is happening, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable,
be open, be connected, and be unapologetic in your ownership
of your boundaries and of the type of relationship and connection that you want.
I hope this resonated with you.
If it did, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and I will see you next time on my YouTube channel.