Is rain nature's sauce?
Uh.
You asked me that question, and it
was as if you jammed every key on the typewriter in my brain.
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Justin Warner here with the one, the only, Chris Gethard.
And today, my friends, you guessed it,
we're going to Eat the Universe.
Thank you so much for being here.
It's a pleasure.
Today we're going to make a Tony Stark-inspired dish,
something that, like, Tony would be served at a basketball game.
In one of those boxes.
That's what they call them, right?
When I have sat in the upper deck looking jealously,
I have referred to those as boxes.
I see.
Well, today, you are Tony Stark.
Wow.
So one thing I love about lobsters
and Tony Stark is they're kind of like
the-- the Iron Man of the sea.
They've got plenty of red, they are painful,
and they've got armor.
That is a shockingly good analogy.
All right, so we're going to dispatch of these lobsters.
We're only going to use the tail.
Have you ever done this before?
No, I-- I don't cook.
OK, today is also your day.
Yeah.
I'm into it.
How did you get into comics?
I got into comics when I was a kid.
My parents took me to, like, a campground.
We used to go camping.
And they had a general store on the grounds,
and they were selling three packs of comic books.
I got one that had a classic X-Men.
Oh really?
Yeah, and an issue of Fantastic Four.
It was an issue of Fantastic Four
where they fought the Master of Pandemonium on the moon.
Wow.
And it was a classic X-Men where they were
in the Savageland , and Banshee was on the cover in, like,
a Tarzan, like, loincloth outfit.
And I was all in, out of the gate all in.
Lobsters are filled with delicious green stuff.
The green stuff is good?
Yeah, this stuff, like, in a sushi restaurant, that would
probably be like 9 or 10 bucks.
Just for that little pile of goop?
Yeah.
I'm cutting through here, and this is an easy way to get
lobster out of the shell.
A lot of people are like, well, how do I do that?
I've been to restaurants where they expect
you to break it open yourself.
It's never gone that well for me.
So look, this is a chopstick.
I knew that.
And this is going to be the base of our lobster corndog.
But yeah, you can rip it open.
I'll scoop out the guts.
I'm going to take off my jacket
because I like this jacket.
OK.
And I have a feeling this is not going to end well.
First, you just did that.
Yep.
And now we got the tail.
Yeah.
And I'll-- I'll use this spoon to scoop out the stuff.
I'm going to go ahead and get this coral
and this miso out of here.
Would I technically be your sous chef right now?
Is War Machine the sous chef of the Iron Man universe?
I mean, kind of, right?
You're doing it.
Oh, see, that's the problem.
Don't worry, the next task is going to be--
oh my god, I feel so bad.
You did it.
It's perfect.
It's beautiful.
Thank you so much.
You nailed it.
OK, and then I take this stick.
Yeah.
I feel pretty good about this so far.
OK, now you get to make sauce, which is really exciting.
Ooh, sauce.
I've given you your sauce ingredients right here.
That's Japanese mayonnaise.
Ooh, it's a weirdly soft container for it.
Just put all these things in the bag,
and you don't have to use all of it.
You can make a sauce in a bag.
- Yes. - Really?
So I squeeze these in there?
Yeah.
And then add all of this caviar, which I would say is probably--
$79 for that?
$79.
And we're going to put it in a sauce?
Yeah.
I'm borderline white trash from northern New Jersey.
But to us, you're Tony Stark.
OK.
While you're doing that, what was your first interaction
with Tony Stark?
Well, I actually remember it very fondly.
My dad, he was a very hardworking guy.
He used to sometimes work on the weekends,
and I think looking back, he probably felt
a little guilty about that.
So he would try to make it a fun thing of, like,
do you want to come to work with me on the weekend?
He got me a hot chocolate in his work cafeteria,
and I read five or six issues of Iron Man right in a row.
It was a very fond memory.
$79.
How much did the lemons cost, you fat cat?
Oh, I don't know.
$16 a lemon.
Chef, how much of this would we like?
Whatever you think.
OK.
You know, sauce.
So here I have all-purpose flour,
some cornmeal finely ground.
Does this feel excessive?
Because I'm a big mayonnaise fan, so I went pretty hard
I think.
No. No.
Add a little more even.
Woo!
That tells you everything about my exact role in America's
class structure is that I'm drowning
the expensive caviar because I'm like, I like mayonnaise.
You know this stuff, right?
That's salt.
Yes.
And speaking of salts, this is baking soda.
This is baking powder.
This is sugar.
Am I doing what I'm--
I have no idea if I'm supposed to be doing this.
Yeah, I mean, we were done a long time ago.
But you're doing such a good job at it, I was like,
might as well keep it up.
Sure.
So we've made a-- a dry mix.
Now we're going to add some wet stuff.
To really corn out this corn dog,
we're going to add some creamed corn.
Creamed corn.
Yeah, this is going to give us some texture
inside of the actual batter.
This is the finest of buttermilks,
so you can just add that.
All at once or like in a swirl?
I think maybe I overthink cooking.
I think so.
Yeah, I feel like I did a good job right there.
You did a great job.
Thank you so much.
You didn't watch.
I visibly saw that you did not watch.
What other Marvel characters are you into?
I was huge on Spider-Man, and, like,
pretty much every kid of my generation,
the X-Men was where it was at.
I was also born with this weird thing in my elbows and, like,
my knees and my fingers, so the idea
that the X-Men's origin story was just that they were born
weird, I remember reading that and realizing,
like, oh, they didn't get bit by anything,
nobody set off a bomb.
It actually turns into, I think, like
the most beautiful origin story for kids
who feel like outcasts, right?
I love it.
Sorry for my emo answer.
Before I open this, did you notice?
Oh, it's called Fancy Champagne, Chateau de Tony?
Yeah.
Now I don't drink alcohol, but you've
told me this will cook off.
- Oh, 100%. - All right.
OK.
You want to stir?
Here's a comic book related development in my life.
I'm having a mid-life crisis, so I've signed up
for Brazilian jujitsu classes.
Oh, cool.
And then I have an X-Men-themed rash guard,
a Spider-Man, a Punisher one, a Thor one.
I recently entered a tournament, and I got a bronze medal.
Wow.
There were only three people in my division.
But I wore an X-Men rash guard, so I felt good about that.
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Ooh.
Ooh, that's like a funnel cake.
Yeah.
Stand back.
Yeah.
Wow, this looks pretty good.
You know what would make it better?
This-- this?
How about this?
Ooh, what is this?
This is gold leaf.
And it's not bad for your system to eat metal?
I think it's good for your joints actually.
Ooh, I have horrible joints.
Oh, that looks good.
I'm going to sauce these good guys up,
and I will see you at the Table of Taste.
Thank you so much.
I'll just bring this with me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Cue the sound effects because we
are in the box at a basketball game with Tony Stark,
and we're going to see what this tastes like.
I can't wait.
OK, dive in.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you bet.
I will-- I will caution you, this thing
will fight back a little bit.
What does that mean?
It might be difficult to eat.
Oh.
You can really taste the gold.
The gold on your lip is amazing.
- I'm so sorry about it. - No, it's great.
- I'm so ashamed. - No, don't.
I'm happy to--
I'm not embarrassed.
I'm also happy to keep eating more
so it gets more ridiculous.
No joke, this is delicious.
So do you think if Tony Stark were--
I mean, you're a Knicks fan, right?
I am a Knicks fan, yeah, life long, which
is a fate worse than death.
Would you eat this at a Knicks game?
Yeah, I would.
Hell yeah.
So speaking of competition, you have a book called Lose Well.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
Well, it's like this idea that sometimes everybody feels
like a loser, and I think maybe sometimes
there's social constructs in place
to keep us feeling that way.
Hmm.
And especially if you're a creative person,
I really feel like failure is an ally,
and we spend a lot of our young lives convincing ourselves
that's not the case.
So it's a pretty funny book with a lot of stories.
I feel like you're writing the origin story for future heroes.
I'm a melodramatic person, and a good origin
story goes a long way.
What other irons do you have in the fire?
That was an Iron Man joke.
Nailed it.
That was really good.
I still have my podcast going.
It's called Beautiful Anonymous, and you can
find it on the Earwolf Network.
And the way it works is I tweet out a phone number,
and whoever calls it, I just talk to them for an hour.
I'm a real workhorse in a real machine
who's ready to go to war.
Ooh!
Thank you for being here, but also
thank you for being the first person
ever to finish the entire dish during the allotted tasting
segment, as we like to call it.
It's free lobster.
I'm-- I'm no fool.
That's all the time we have on Eat the Universe.
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