- "Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get over it.
You can get out of depression."
That's what they said.
- I've found that advice works real well.
- Actually, no, they're a bunch of blowhards.
Let's talk about- - Wow.
- Yeah, I know.
Mended Light.
(upbeat music)
Welcome to Crap Therapists Say where we ask you, the viewer,
for terrible advice that you've gotten from a therapist.
Leave it in the comments below
or from someone else that you trust.
Today is just get over it.
Comes to depression, someone said that a therapist told them
that "they can get out of depression."
- Yeah. - Right?
Now, is that terrible advice
or is that actually good advice?
We're gonna get to that in just a moment
but first, we're gonna take a look
at what depression looks like in a lighthearted way.
We're not gonna go too heavy,
with Alicia's favorite depressed character.
- It really is.
- Eeyore.
So this is from Christopher Robin.
Christopher Robin has grown up.
He's returned to the Hundred Acre Wood
and he sees Eeyore again
for the first time in a couple of decades.
- Aw, Eeyore.
- Just my luck, a Heffalump leering at his lunch.
- Eeyore, I'm not a Heffalump.
- Doesn't matter anyway.
Headed for the waterfall.
I'll be gone soon.
- No, not the waterfall.
Swim.
- Not that anyone will notice.
- Swim, swim, swim.
- Just have to go with the, ow, flow.
- Don't worry.
- I'm not.
Can't change the inevitable.
- Mustn't give up, Eeyore.
I'll save you.
- We'll see.
- Oh yes, of course, I've grown up, haven't I?
Oh, Eeyore.
- Laughing at my misfortune just like a Heffalump.
- [Christopher] Hello, Eeyore.
- Hello, Heffalump.
- I'm not a Heffalump.
I'm Christopher Robin.
Do you remember I used to try and cheer you up?
- I don't remember being cheery.
- I love Eeyore.
- Okay, so what are some of the,
what are some symptoms of depression
that we're seeing from Eeyore here?
What comes to your- - Yeah.
Low energy, flat affect.
Just the desire to not do anything.
He says "swim" and he goes, "not that it matters anyway."
- "No one's gonna miss me, headed for the waterfall.
I'll be gone soon."
I love just, I love when Ewan McGregor jumps in
and then he goes, "oh, I've grown up, haven't I"
like the waterfall's not that scary.
So low self-interest and low self-esteem, right?
"Nobody's gonna care if I'm gone."
We also see not necessarily in this clip
but signs of depression,
loss of interest in things that you used to enjoy,
loss of your passion and fire,
desire for death or not caring if you die.
We see that there, "going over the waterfall."
Irritability, tendency towards self-harm, self-loathing,
belief that life is hopeless and that you are worthless
and on and on and on.
- It's the epitome of gray colored glasses.
- Yeah which I think is why Eeyore is a gray character.
It's perfect.
He's like a little raincloud just hovering around.
Now, where does depression come from?
Well, before we even get to that,
there's a difference between sadness and depression.
Everything that is classified as a mental disorder
or a personality disorder is really something normal
about the human condition that everybody goes through
just dialed up so high that it inhibits functioning.
- [Alicia] It's a spectrum.
- Right, you can't thrive in your relationships
or in your job or at school
or you could be called a high functioning depressive, right,
where you can get things done
but internally, you're just shut down.
Internally, you can either be miserable or flat, right?
So that's what depression looks like
and a lot of people think you can just come out of it.
Now, if a therapist said this,
I think a therapist, any therapist, even a bad one
is gonna approach this differently
than your garden variety grandpa who says,
"just suck it up and be tough
and pull yourself up by your bootstraps"
but why would a therapist say
"you can just come out of this?"
Probably from the belief that, "well, I became a therapist
because I believe people can get better
so of course you can get out of this
and I'm trying to give you encouragement and support"
and I don't think that's a negative
but in some cases, it can build false hope
and in order to understand why,
we have to understand where depression comes from
and the fact is there is no one cause.
What are some of the causes?
- Right, well, it can be a nutritional deficiency
or imbalance, right?
Your brain and the rest of your body talks to each other
and you need certain chemical components
to have those neurological functions function correctly
and if you're not getting enough of the right nutrition,
it absolutely can affect or even cause depression,
anxiety, overwhelm. - Yeah.
- Well, so there's also in the study of epigenetics,
there is a predisposition through our genes.
- Yeah, so for some people, it could be genetic,
it could be circumstantial.
We read in this book On Grief & Grieving
that depression is actually a very healthy
and normal response to the death of a loved one for example,
that to actually feel clinically depressed
doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
Depression could be circumstantial.
It could be based on a breakup, a divorce, a death
or just the fact that life is heavy and hard
and the world is messed up.
I get depressed.
You've seen me.
I get actually like I don't feel like functioning
or doing anything
just because the problems of the people I work with
or the things I read in the news just weigh on me.
- Yeah.
So loss or overwhelm,
depression can be a healthy part of working through that.
- Right, right.
And so depression can come from many different sources
even more than we've just listed here
and the fact is just like no two people are alike,
no two depressed people are alike.
The causes mix and mingle in different ways
or there's different causes for different people
and so for some people,
for example, if your depression is correlated
or caused by nutritional deficiency or chemical imbalance
then it could be a change in diet
or antidepressants or a combination,
getting more exercise, getting more sleep.
I always tell my depressed clients, they come in depressed
and they say, "should I go get antidepressants"
and I say, let's start with diet
like nutrition, exercise and rest
and then let's see what's left over
and sometimes they take better care of themselves
and that's all they needed. - Right.
- Other times, it's like still not doing the trick, right?
In some or if it's circumstantial,
if I'm depressed because I feel the weight of poor choices,
if I'm depressed because I've done things
that have hurt people I care about
then the depression can be lifted by making amends,
by making restitution,
by letting the guilt influence me to change
and then letting go of it, right?
In other cases where it's genetic or where it's biochemical
or just because every case is different,
it's not about getting over it.
It's not about moving through it and leaving it behind.
For so many people especially with chronic depression,
it's meant to be managed and lived with
and there is no getting rid of it.
It's about how do I function
because this is a part of my life now?
- Well and one other component that we haven't talked about
and everything you've said is absolutely true
but sometimes we bury our emotions, we bury our experiences
because we don't know what to do with them, right,
and that bearing of those emotions and those experiences
is a coping mechanism, right,
and it's what helped us get through that hard situation
but what kept us safe may now be keeping us stuck
and it could be manifesting as depression
and other mental health challenges.
- If I grew up in an abusive home and I bury my emotions
because when I'm vulnerable, I get punished,
that, like you say, that served me,
that helped me to survive but now I'm on my own
and I'm trying to have a healthy relationship
with a emotionally healthy person
and I'm still burying my emotions, it no longer serves me.
It hurts me.
I look at that like the monkey bars on a playground.
You have to let go of what's got you to where you are
so that you can keep moving forward.
The simple fact is
depression is not a one size fits all experience.
It doesn't have one cause,
it doesn't affect two people the exact same way
and it doesn't have a single solution.
For some people, depression is circumstantial, situational,
short-term, tied to nutrition, tied to genetics,
tied to chemical imbalance
and they actually can work through it and leave it behind
and that is what most people hope
but for far more people, this is part of their experience
and it's about how do I thrive
even though I've got this going on?
Now, we don't have time to fully address this
today in this video but we've got an entire course
dedicated to this called Depression and Personal Power
on our membership site.
You can go to mendedlight.com
and learn more about our online courses,
learn more about our virtual book club
that we do together every month
and our live Q and As to address your needs
in a very individual personal way.
- And if you've enjoyed this video, check out this next one
on how to conquer sadness and depression.
- What's your experience with this?
If depression is something that you wrestle with,
what have you done that has helped?
What have you done that hasn't helped?
Let us know in the comments below
and what terrible advice have you ever received
from a therapist or from someone that you trusted?
We wanna hear from you.
- And remember to keep shining.
We need your light.
(calm music)