(keys clacking)
- Can your vagina be too wet?
100%. And here's how.
A wet vagina is not unhealthy,
as WAP experts correctly claim,
cooking moisture is completely normal.
and the result of sexual excitement.
Blood flow increases to the vajayjay,
causing the beef and the bean to swell
and the walls of the lady garden to lubricate themselves
to make porking more pleasurable.
But even if your hoo-ha is perfectly healthy,
can it still be too wet?
100%. Let's say you just moved into a very cool mansion.
The rooms are funky, Kylie Jenner is there,
and so are some jungle cats.
It's a sex positive house.
So they encourage you to finger paint whenever you like.
Nice.
Only problem is the more you dial your rotary phone,
the more your vagina releases a perfectly normal, strong,
earthy odor and big cats are attracted to smells,
particularly earthy ones.
It reminds them of the jungle. 100% confirmed.
Now that your minja musk is in the air,
the leopards and tigers won't stop roaring,
rubbing up against your door,
peeing on it to mark the territory.
The residents call an emergency house meeting.
They love having you there, but you have to leave.
You're making the big cats crazy
because your vulvarine is too moist.
Let's say you're not at a mansion with your gal pals.
You're on a winter family vacation
skating on a frozen lake
and you take to the ice like Tanya, doing turns
and triple axels.
You're turned on by your talent.
Your coochie engorges,
stimulating your vaginal mucus and causing warm lube
to flow down your legs onto the cold ice,
ice, which when exposed to heat, cracks.
Your hot lady juice causes fissure to crack through the rink
that swallows your cousins.
Your family gets hypothermia
because your clam got too drippy.
Let's say you're not out with your family.
You're enjoying a pleasant dinner alone
because you're a woman in your sixties
and you can do whatever you want.
Girl power.
Which is why you asked to have what
the screaming blonde lady across from you is having.
Turns out, it's an incredible sandwich.
Each bite of pastrami causes you to tilt your head back
in ecstasy and your loins to produce even more lady grease,
grease that runs down your slacks and pores over the floor
of the deli.
A deli that is currently being visited by
the safety inspector,
who is livid to see a greasy floor without a wet floor sign.
This is the last straw. He closes the restaurant.
Katz's Deli shutters it doors because your lady garage
caused a deluge.
Let's say you're not at a diner.
You're in a completely nonsexual setting,
a business meeting,
but you had pastrami for lunch
and it's still making you horny.
And now you're sitting there,
squirting in your business suit.
You stand up in the hopes of rushing to the bathroom but
accidentally slip and slide all the way to the front
of the room.
You should be embarrassed,
but you just had the best time.
You tell your coworkers to give it a try and they slip
and slide down your slime trail.
A light bulb goes off.
This is an excellent business idea.
But when the stodgy boss takes a turn,
he breaks his hip, sues you for negligence.
Now you're drowning in medical debt,
all because your honeypot overflowed.
Let's say you're not in a boring office.
In fact, you're in a stressful situation,
your limbs and arms are tied down
as the tiny villagers poke you with their little spears.
All you remember is being on your ship
and now you're surrounded by Lilliputians?
As scary as it is, it's also kind of sexual.
Turns out you like being bound,
but it's the 1600s.
BDSM isn't a thing yet.
So you don't have the sexual lexicon
to describe your arousal.
The fluid from your legs flushes out of your pantaloons
and drowns the pocket sized people.
The Lilliputians are now extinct
because your cave of wonders was too waterlogged.
So yes, your vagina can get too wet.
It's just a matter of when and how.
If you are someone with an extremely wet vagina,
congratulations.
What many people don't realize is vaginal liquid
isn't just for sexual lubrication.
It's also great for a variety of household tasks.
Got a squeaky hinge?
Simply apply the sexual salve
and enjoy that smooth motion.
So quiet.
Have you come into a collection of rare coins?
Polish it with muff mucus. So shiny.
Plagued with dry skin?
Your fanny slime works as a fantastic nontoxic moisturizer.
So smooth.
And don't worry about getting it on your eyes, nose,
or mouth, loin liquid is safe to consume orally.
I'm doctor expert Natasha Vaynblat,
and your worst fear has been confirmed.
Can I die?
Can I die? Can I die?
Can I die?