- Oh my gosh. (audience cheering)
- Oh my gosh. - I miss you.
So, wait, have y'all met before?
- We've never met, no. - No, but I'm a big fan.
- Oh, well thank you, same.
- And I have to say, you were amazing on "Is It Cake?"
- Listen, I can nail a cake.
(audience cheering) - [Kelly} I can nail it.
- I can nail a cake.
- You've got a lot of other skills,
but you really brought it on "Is It Cake?"
- (laughing) I appreciate it, thank you.
- Wait, Lena just had her one-year anniversary.
You just had your second, right?
- Second, yeah.
- That's so incredible. (audience cheering)
How's it going?
- [Fortune] So far so good. - [Kelly] Yeah?
- [Fortune] Yeah.
- [Kelly] Oh my God.
Well, it looks great.
- Look at that, come on.
- And your wife is a kindergarten teacher.
- She was for 12 years.
She got tired.
Those kids wore her out.
- [Kelly] Yeah, well they're kindergartners.
- They are, yeah.
So she's taking a little break.
- So wait, this new comedy special
kind of picks up where the last one left off, right?
- Yeah, my first hour special,
"Sweet and Salty" was very much about me.
- [Kelly] Love. - Oh, thank you.
- [Kelly] God, you're so funny.
- It was about me kind of finding myself,
and that journey of figuring out who I am.
This one is me as an adult, you know,
getting married, getting engaged,
and also, I'm not what you might think
from what meets the eye.
You'll have to watch and see.
- Oh, I like it.
I know the tease was nice.
I saw her go, wait.
- Oh, that was that a good tease?
- Yes, it was
- [Kelly] Her body, her whole body just shifted.
- That's exactly right.
I'm gonna go home tonight and figure out what you are.
- Yeah (Kelly and audience laughing).
Watch that special.
- So wait, do you feel like the pandemic
taught you anything about yourself?
Did anything happen that you use?
- Well, don't let this camo jacket fool you.
(audience laughing)
I found out I have no survival skills whatsoever.
- Oh really?
I love stuff like that.
- You do?
- I have so many books.
If I ever die,
people are gonna look at my library and go,
"Did she think, like,"
well, we did have a global pandemic,
but, "Did she think the end of times were coming?"
I find it interesting.
- I thought, as a lesbian,
the end of times would be like,
I would be totally fine with that.
(audience and Kelly laughing)
- The end of times would be your time.
- It would be my time.
Put me in a bunker with canned hams,
(audience laughing)
my companion, you know, my wife,
and that's all you need.
- And you're not so good at it?
- Well, no, I just,
I couldn't get anything done.
Like, I was just on the couch watching documentaries.
I was in flannel,
and drinking wine,
crying at documentaries.
- [Kelly] Oh my God.
Well, what was your wife doing?
- She was the butch one.
(everyone laughing) She was the one,
she was the one that was,
she spent an entire month outside,
painting our fence,
I think 'cause she got tired of talking to me.
(everyone laughing)
And I was, I was useless.
She like rewired-
- You didn't, like, maybe wanna go help her?
- I went one day, I lasted one day,
and I have dainty.
- I love that you're the one that points out the one time.
Oh, I was there for one time.
- I was in the sun for a day.
No, I have dainty hands.
That's, (everyone laughing)
that's part of what my special talks about,
is that our roles are reversed
in a way that you would not think.
- Do you remember that the first time, like,
the first time you got paid for doing comedy?
- Oh wow.
It took a long time to get there.
But yeah, the first time was,
and I got paid to do an event,
I think it was in, like, Virginia,
and it was right after I did "Last Comic Standing"
and whoever hired me had gotten fired,
and the person now in charge was kinda like,
"Ah, okay, we'll figure this out"
I got to this venue
and the stage was a crate,
just a milk crate that you stand on.
The light was one of those construction clamp lights.
- The clip-on? (laughing) - Yeah.
- And the, the sound,
the sound was a very cheap karaoke machine.
And I was like, "Oh, this is not gonna go well"
and my opener was supposed to do 20 minutes.
He lasted two minutes,
because we had this venue that,
it was in a biker bar.
It was in a biker bar,
that's not where I was hired to perform,
and these bikers were just looking at me going,
"No. No, thank you"
(everyone laughing)
- [Kelly] Oh my God.
- I thought it was gonna be like you won them over,
and suddenly you were dancing in tandem with the bikers.
(audience laughing) - I wish they were just like,
whatever you're talking about, we don't want.
(audience laughing)
- [Kelly] Oh my gosh.
- I had to be up there for 45 minutes.
- Because the other clown left you hanging?
- Yeah. Yeah.
So like, I think I lasted like 30,
and the last 15 I was like,
"Who wants a Q and A?" (everyone laughing)
- They were like, "We don't know you"
(everyone laughing)
- Our question is, who are you.
(everyone laughing)
- [Fortune] Yeah.
- Oh my God.
Well it, it builds our character.
Those times, yeah. - It does.
My mom came with me to that gig.
I was like, first paid gig!
And she was like, "Oh, you..."
- So she's like,
so this is what you wanna do?
- Yeah, she's like, "Are you sure this is it?"
- Hey, if you lasted there and you made it through that.
- I mean, here we are, 12 years later.
I think I'm finally getting the hang of it.
- We're with Kelly Clarkson! - Look at her!
(audience cheering)
- It is funny though,
all of our first jobs, like,
that you get paid and they're crazy.
Okay.
Is it true that you also recently
shot a show with Arnold Schwarzenegger?
- I did, yeah.
- Wait, what's the show?
- It's a big action series for Netflix
coming out sometime next year,
and, uh, yeah, I never-
- Are you doing like action scenes?
- Yeah, I fooled them.
See, that's why I wear camo!
(audience laughing)
I'm fooling people into thinking I can do action.
But it was, it's so outta my wheelhouse,
but I actually loved it so much.
- I hope you're the action lead and he's the comic foil.
(everyone laughing)
That's how I want this played.
- That is the juxtaposition we're looking for now.
- We do laugh a lot,
but it was, it was crazy.
I found myself one night,
we were doing this whole action sequence,
and it was just he and I,
and we're like army crawling across the floor.
There's explosions everywhere.
And he looked at me and he was like,
"Now you know what I've been doing for 40 years"
(everyone laughing)
- This is it.
(Fortune laughing)
- That's a terrible Arnold impression,
but you guys get it.
- [Kelly] We all got it. - [Lena] We felt it.
"Fortune Feimster: Good Fortune"
premieres on Netflix tomorrow.
You have to watch it if you like laughing.