if coronavirus has taught us nothing else it's taught us that we're all
connected I've learned that an illness that started half a world away can
impact whether my kids get to play with other kids in the neighborhood or
whether my husband has a job but unfortunately as the virus has taught us
all that we're dependent on each other it's also forced us to choose social
distancing as a means of fighting it and being away from social interaction that
has its side effects in this episode we're going to talk about how loneliness
and isolation impact mental health and also how loneliness impacts our immune
system our heart and other aspects of physical health and we're going to talk
about a couple of ways to mitigate those effects and to stay as healthy as
possible
I hope that for many of you lockdown orders have lifted and things are
getting a bit easier but with social distancing measures life is far from
back to normal and I think that most of us have really struggled with social
distancing social isolation is hard on mental health research shows that
loneliness contributes to depression anxiety lack of motivation and it's just
lonely in discouraging but loneliness is also stressful on the body social
isolation and loneliness is linked to a bunch of physical and mental conditions
like high blood pressure heart disease and a weakened immune system it's also
connected with cognitive decline in Alzheimer's a large study by Julianne
Holt-Lunstad found that a lack of social connection heightens health risks
as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or having an alcohol addiction other
studies have shown that loneliness and social isolation are as harmful to
physical health as obesity and high blood pressure loneliness can cause
inflammation in our immune system which over time increases our risk of chronic
diseases and when people feel lonely your immune system is weakened in a way
that actually makes it harder to fight off viruses one researcher called
loneliness a fertilizer for other diseases the biology of loneliness can
accelerate the build-up of plaque in arteries
it can help cancer cells grow and spread then it can promote inflammation in the
brain which leads to Alzheimer's disease but despite the negative effects of
loneliness research has also shown that people are more lonely and isolated than
ever more than three out of five people report being lonely and loneliness has
risen 13 percent since 2018 and that data is from before the pandemic it must
be off the charts see now our brain is wired for connection one of my favorite
researchers Brene Brown said a deep sense of love and belonging is an
irresistible need of all people we are biologically cognitively physically and
spiritually wired to love and to be loved and to
belong when those needs are not met we don't function as we are meant to we
break we fall apart we numb we ache we hurt others we get sick the human brain
is dependent on connection with others when our ancestors were hunter-gatherers
we depended on people in our tribe or in our village for our survival and
rejection from that group often meant death
so our anciently evolved brain is invested in keeping us connected to
other people for our survival a huge part of our brain the midbrain houses
the limbic system which is responsible for emotions and relationships your
brain is hardwired to connect to other human beings babies are born with
instincts that help them attach to caregivers and caregivers are hardwired
to attach to babies this shows up in instincts like a baby crying and my
instinctual drive to soothe at those cries these instincts include things
like rooting and nursing reaching out and holding cooing and gazing into each
other's eyes when a baby has a need like hunger and the caregiver meets that need
by feeding the baby the baby develops what's called secure attachment babies
who are raised in an orphanage and who are given all the proper physical
care like food and a warm crib in a comfortable environment they actually
face a life-threatening environment and that's because loving physical touch and
human connection are necessary for survival around one third of these
babies in orphanages where they get little to no physical and emotional
connection with a caregiver one-third of them just die without that connection
to a caregiver the body stops producing growth hormones and the immune system is
weakened and that lack of connection dramatically impacts brain development
and emotional health our connections to other human beings creates a hardwired
map in our brain about whether the world is safe whether people are trustworthy
whether outcomes are predictable and this is called attachment style secure
attachment soothes and calms the deep parts of
brain and babies aren't the only ones who need connection for their brains to
function without secure attachment as children or adults it's very difficult
to regulate our emotions and to build strong relationships in one study that
I found really interesting participants were put through this scenario where
they were playing a computer game that simulated rejection so they thought they
were playing against these other characters who were rejecting them brain
imaging showed that the brain perceived the rejection similar to the way that it
perceives pain when participants were asked to take tylenol as part of the
study they experienced less pain upon rejection so our brain interprets social
isolation or rejection to be as threatening as physical pain or danger
so this is a biological fact the human brain doesn't work well without
connection now that we live in a global community we often forget about that
need for the village for that connection that our ancestors used to have our
modern society has a huge emphasis on individualism and people are growing
more and more isolated as time goes on research over the last decade has shown
that people are becoming increasingly isolated and lonely 25% of people in the
United States say that they don't even have one close friend research has even
shown that on average people have less friends than they did 10 or 15 years ago
now let's talk about the benefits of connection connection to others have
been shown to increase longevity it's been shown to strengthen our immune
system and quick and healing it's also been shown to decrease anxiety and
depression and to improve self-esteem when we connect to others we release
oxytocin and this is known as the love hormone it helps people attach and
connect to each other it's basically the neurochemical basis of the sense of
safety and trust that allows people to become open to connection or even
therapeutic change taking care of others has also been shown to release dopamine
that's the feel-good the motivation and the reward chemical in the brain so one
of the ways that we trigger both dopamine and oxytocin is through eye
contact and hugs our brain really responds best
in-person interactions eight-second hugs and eye contact are really necessary to
soothe the brain and to release oxytocin and to create this sense of safety hugs
can release dopamine which can help with feelings of depression and loneliness
and hugs can fight stress receiving social support can help strengthen the
immune system one study by Carnegie Mellon found that
people who hug more get sick less and another one by Harvard showed that hugs
could improve heart health and a few weeks ago my mom told me the story about
one of her friends who had a severe case of Covid-19 he was on a ventilator for
weeks he was only 45 years old but they thought he was gonna die and all this
time that he's in the hospital in the ICU his family couldn't even be there no
one could touch him hold him sit with him talk to him and finally after weeks
of this they finally allowed his wife in to sit next to him and to hold his hand
and she sat with him for four hours and that was the day that he started to heal
he he started to turn the corner and improve so that physical touch I believe
helped to turn on his immune system so that he could heal as we seek to treat
this deadly pandemic I hope we don't resort to the long term isolation that
in the long run is harmful maybe even more harmful than the disease itself but
we can in the midst of social distancing all choose ways to seek connection in a
way that's safe so I encourage everyone out there to work hard to do that both
for our physical health and our mental health and the health of our society as
a whole Family Therapist Virginia Satir said we
need four hugs a day for survival we need eight hugs a day for maintenance and we
need 12 hugs a day for growth so during this weird time of social distancing hug
your family members as much as possible cuddle with them while you're watching
shows turn off your device is long enough to look them in the eyes and to
play together use FaceTime and video chats instead of texting whenever
possible work less and connect more as soon as it's safe reach out to those who
are lonely and help them feel connected and
if you can't do that in person find a ways to do that over you know digital
formats research shows that most adults have less and less friends as they enter
their 30s and it's time for us all to start investing time and energy into
making close friendships for some people making friends comes naturally but for a
lot of people they have to work hard to develop that skill but I really believe
that you can learn to make more friends so I'm going to share with you a few
ways that you can actively work to increase your friendships and your
social connections there are people out there who can benefit from your
friendship so I would say start by looking to your neighbors your
acquaintances and your family members to deepen those relationships that you
already have another thing you can do is you can access personal support through
therapists and mental health professionals and also through
community activities and offerings so I'm gonna I'm going to talk about how
you can strengthen these connections in general because I know that social
distancing isn't going to last forever but I'm also going to talk about how you
can adapt these you know social connection ideas to this really strange
and lonely time so whenever possible choose face-to-face interaction over
scrolling on social media so use FaceTime or you could set up outdoor
meetings to see each other's faces you can keep your friendships alive
through acts of kindness you could drop off small gifts or bake some cookies or
offer to pick something up from the store you can organize like recipe
sharing group or an online book club try to be active you know join the club or
pick an activity you could go to a meetup group you know that is social
distancing appropriate right now but you know social distancing like I said is
not always gonna be around but during social distancing I've joined a book
club a Bible study group and a business incubator program and each of these are
doing doing meetings using zoom right now so I'm still getting some
interaction you could also try community education so you could take a class that
you're interested in like bowling or pottery and even if you don't make new
friends you'll at least get some new skills so
even right now a social distancing right now is a great time to learn something
new so you can do this in groups even from your own homes you can do a project
together or do an online course choose some kind of challenge to work on and
then get together to talk about what you're learning another great way to
meet people is through service getting involved in a good cause so there are
still a lot of ways to serve while maintaining social distance the
Smithsonian has digital volunteer opportunities and the app volunteer
match has opportunities all around the world
I've seen one where there are people who are blind and they take a picture with
their smartphone and then volunteers read to them what that label says or
tells them what they're looking at so that's an example of a digital way to
serve that still you know includes social distancing another tip is that
whenever possible say yes you know you are probably used to getting asked to
baby showers or wedding receptions or dinners or parties and you know this
might not be happening as much with coronavirus but whenever you can start
saying yes instead of saying no okay practice and outward mindset make other
people feel like they matter to you ask them about themselves you can almost
always find someone to be a friend to so focus on being a friend to others and
reaching out to them and with some work you'll probably be able to find a
mutually rewarding relationship just take the initiative look for
opportunities to invite people deeper into your life it doesn't matter how it
can be as simple as inviting people over for a dessert or a movie night or
planning an outing together the important thing is just putting yourself
out there if you wait for the other person to initiate they usually won't
creating healthy connection is really essential for health for connection and
growth our brain is wired for connection and like I said before the loneliness is
really detrimental for mental and physical health but unfortunately more
people are more lonely than ever so you can improve your mental health by
actively working to improve your connections with other people and
developing closer relationships with family members and friends so I
encourage you today to choose one way to improve your support network and to
commit to working on that goal a little bit each week so if you'd like to take
some time to write down what your goal is down in the comments
I'd love to hear about it also I have started a patreon page if you'd like to
support this channel and more mental health content that's easily accessible
please just go check out the link in the description you can start by just
contributing a couple bucks a month and that's going to help me produce more
mental health content for hundreds of thousands of people so thanks again take
care have a good day