- We are a nation of horrible people.
(laughs)
(upbeat rock music)
- I haven't read a physical newspaper in years.
- I might do the Sudoku in the Metro,
that's true, I'll do the Sudoku.
- That's literally only if my phone's died.
- That's so true, yeah.
The thing is with this though,
I think that there are so many tabloids that are ridiculous,
that I feel like the majority could be true.
- Probably. - This is gonna be a hard one.
- Yeah.
(upbeat rock music)
- Oo, I was buried alive and now I want my revenge.
- That's definitely true!
- I think that could definitely be true!
- I can see that now. - Yeah.
(laughing)
- I mean if I was buried alive,
I definitely would want revenge.
- But how would you know who buried you?
- Is it possible to be buried alive?
And still be alive, you'd be dead.
- Have you seen in "Kill Bill" where she. (whooshing)
(laughing)
- That's "Kill Bill", she also kills like a hundred people
and their heads fly off. (laughing)
- I'd like to know how this even started.
- You don't know if it was like a professional burial,
or it could be it was just like--
- Oh, then they just
like randomly buried someone? - like a botched job,
and someone, yeah. - Right.
- I hope it's more than just a newspaper story,
there's a potential, like, novel in this.
I think this has got legs, I think this could be
real, and I really hope it is cause I'd read it.
- I'm gonna go with real as well!
- [Owen] Good!
- Yeah.
- I don't think it's real because of that last bit,
the, "revenge" bit, sounds a bit--
- You think somebody can't be buried alive
and come back for revenge?
- Yeah.
- It is the plot of "Kill Bill".
I think real.
- Fake.
- I'm gonna go real. - A criminal investigation.
I'm gonna go fake though,
I'm gonna go fake. - I'm thinking real!
I want it, kinda want it to be real, is that bad?
(blunt punching)
- Aw! Could I bury you alive, just so we can make it real?
(faint laughter)
- I knew it! - Oh no!
I knew it, it was too ridiculous!
- But, haven't there been stories
about people being buried alive,
and coming back alive? - But I did read,
there was a guy that woke up in one of them fridges.
- Oh God yeah.
(wheezing laughter)
- Is that good for you?
- First of all, agree with that statement, hands down, like,
if you wanna do it, do it.
- If you liken yourself to be a meatball, why not?
Round, brown, tasty, it's me! (laughing)
- I feel that I can see that with a picture.
- Would you do it yourself?
- Bathe in marinara sauce?
- Yeah.
- No because I'm lazy, and that seems like a lot of cleanup.
- I would have a bath in something that I could eat
at the same time, I just don't know what it would be.
Maybe like some soup or something!
I would sit in a bath of soup. - Soup?
- Yeah! (laughing)
- If you did it though, would you eat the sauce?
- No, no no no no.
- What's the point of bathing in tasty sauce
if you're not gonna eat it?
- I imagine the consistency, and the warmth of it
is probably quite nice actually, to bathe in.
- He's right though, it is his life.
- It is his life. - He can do what he wants.
- And people do bathe in some weird things.
- It is grim, I'll say that.
- But I will say this headline is real.
- I'll say it's false.
- I think it's real.
- Is that a big enough story
to warrant a newspaper headline?
- False, we're gonna go with false.
(blunt punching)
- Yes! - Finally.
(disappointed sighing)
- Oh! - Aw.
- I like a fad, and if people are saying marinara sauce
is a good thing to bathe in, I'll roll the dice
and give it a go.
Can we get a tub in here? (laughing)
(upbeat indie music)
- Do we have circus clowns anymore?
- Yeah, they're everywhere, unfortunately.
- A lot of questions about this one I think.
Was the clown driving the tractor?
- Or was he driving a car?
- Was he driving a little clown car,
and he got stuck behind a tractor?
Was his clown car, picked up in the massive
sort of, shovel in front of the tractor, and driven around?
There's so many ways in which this could've all gone down,
any which one of them, could've provoked road rage
from a clown.
- He's on his way to a kids party, in the countryside,
small lanes, there's a tractor, he can't get past--
- Can't do the overtake. - He can't overtake!
It gets very frustrating, I think that's it isn't it.
- Well the tractor is obviously taking its sweet time
like they always bloody do. - Exactly, right!
- There's late fees, the less balloons you blow up
the less money you make.
- Get out the way!
- Time is money over here!
- Yeah, "I've got a kid's booking to get to!"
- It would've been funnier if there was like--
- There's like 10 in the car. - 10 car.
(laughing)
- Clowns in a car! (laughing) - 10 clowns came out!
I'm absolutely foaming.
- Yeah.
- I'd be livid.
- Livid exactly, I think this is real.
- Real.
- I'm gonna go with real on this.
- Yeah.
- Real.
- Fake, this is--
- I'm very optimistic about these headlines.
(blunt punching)
(disappointed groaning)
- I mean Jesus Christ.
- Do you know what, it was the 36 hours.
(laughing)
- That's so clever, it's gotta be real.
- So he's a deadbeat dad, he's useless.
- And someone beat him up. - He's a horrible dad,
he's not nice to his kids.
- And the kids have beat him up.
- And he's beat dead, by his kids?
It's a tragic story.
- I mean I believe it happened,
great title though, I think.
- I mean, give whoever came up with that, like a raise.
- Pulitzer!
- Yeah! (laughing) A Pulitzer!
- Come on.
- It's too short.
- What do you mean?
- It's too, if you think of a newspaper,
and then you like, - Yeah okay that's scientific.
- Deadbeat Dad, beat da, no it's too short.
- Deadbeat Dad, okay.
- Oh my God am I gonna get this wrong again?
Real? I'm gonna go real!
- And what's the theory, this one?
- I think it's quite a clever, it's the kind of thing
like a tabloid journalist would just come up with,
(clicking fingers) over and over again.
This wouldn't be one of your guy's fakeys?
- It's a real.
- No I'm saying it's fake.
Originally I was on there, but I'm saying it's fake now.
- I don't know, it could be either, let's go with fake.
- I don't want this to be true, cause it's a horrible story,
but, purely for the title alone,
I would love this to be true.
Real news.
(blunt punching)
(disappointed sighing)
- Oh no!
- [Producer] But it is from the Simpsons.
- Oh, course it is!
- Yeah, you see? - Okay.
It's a good title though! - You gotta think of,
you gotta think of, - It's sad but like, yeah.
- I'm picturing the newspaper now, it's too short.
- It's not real now, but give it two years,
cause the Simpsons, they're predicting news,
all the time. - That's true.
- So, give it a minute.
- Crikey! - What paper, what paper
would have that? (laughing)
That's ridiculous. - Crikey.
That, is extreme stuff.
- Pip, have you got any siblings?
- I do! I have two lovely brothers,
one older, one younger.
- Would you ever take their beloved pets and put them
in the blender?
Over a PS4?
Or whatever you wanted for Christmas?
- Erm, no?
- He deserves like some coal, or something.
- I think he'd have to go--
- Bit extreme, bit extreme.
- to a mental asylum.
- Does Santa care about cats?
- Santa's a good guy, he's giving, he's kind.
- Does that mean he hates his sister?
- He's not nice to his sister,
they don't have a good relationship.
- I stopped writing to Santa, when I was about five or six,
I don't know if I would've been like,
astute enough to have been like,
"Huh-hoo, blackmail."
- I mean, that's a really dark childhood,
if that is the case.
- It must have been serious enough to tell the newspaper.
- Yeah! - So then it, I feel like
he could do it. - Maybe they did it!
Maybe they did, do you think?
- Oh, do you reckon he's done it?
- Aw, that's grim.
- I'm gonna say it's real.
- I think it could easily be real.
- Yeah it's quite out there.
- Yeah.
- Real.
- I think it's real too.
- I'm gonna say real.
- Okay, we'll go with real,
can we get this one right please?
(blunt punching)
- I knew it! - There we go!
- Yeah! - Oh thank goodness.
- God bless kittens though.
Aw. - That is so real.
- (laughing) That is one, that's (mumbles) joke
because, I know people who've done a lot worse.
- I can see this happening,
it's the unorthodox, romantic story.
A mugger, nicks that phone from you,
maybe it's more of an innocent pickpocketing,
it's a cheeky theft.
- It's like, gimme your phone!
And then it's like--
- And then it's like, "Awh".
- Okay, true.
- Do you know what, you're quite fit.
- She like tracked him down on "Find my particular device".
- "Find my mugger."
- (laughing) She knocked on his door, and she was like,
you've got a lovely set of blue eyes!
- Yeah, yeah exactly!
- I just think pickpocketing can be sexy.
I'm not endorsing pickpocketing.
- I like stories like this.
- Wherein like a bad boy.
- Yeah yeah exactly.
- Imagine meeting your father, and you're like,
"Ah, how did you guys meet?"
"Oh well he actually like, mugged me
"and held me up at gun-point,
"it was really romantic." - But then, he's a risk taker.
It's real!
- I'm going real.
- Am I gonna say yes again?
Am I gonna say real to everything?
- I'm saying yes.
- I feel like this is real.
- Yeah I'll go with you, real.
- Thanks.
(blunt punching)
(pleased sighing) - Yes!
- I knew it! - Yeah, I mean.
- Yes!
- That is horrible (muttering) don't do that!
(laughing)
- I mean we picked up towards the end there.
We got a few at the end. - We did terribly.
I think we got about three?
- Ed, for every single headline was real, so.
- The fakeys were, the fakeys were good.
They felt like they were done by a tabloid journalist.
- Weird shit happens, all the time.
- That's it, exactly.
- Like any of those fake ones could have happened,
and they'll probably happen tomorrow.
- There's like an unlimited amount of nonsense stories,
that anybody could ever tell.
It is difficult to work out whether they're real or fake.
Very hard.
- Do you know what, after that quiz,
nothing surprises me anymore, to be honest with you.
- We are a nation of horrible people. (laughing)