>> OH, I KNOW, IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND ANY VEGAN
FOOD IN THE SOUTH. >> YEAH, BUT WHO WANTS TO BE
VEGAN IN THE SOUTH WITH ALL OF THAT DELICIOUS FRIED FOOD?
>> HEY, GUYS. TIME OUT.
I HAVE A STORY ABOUT THE SOUTH AND ITS FOOD.
HOW DO I START THIS? SO I'M TAKING A ROAD TRIP AND WE
STOP AT A CRATE AND BARREL. AND I TELL THE WAITRESS, "HEY,
I'M ON A DIET." IS THERE ANYTHING IN THE MENU
YOU'D SUGGEST?" AND SHE'S LIKE, "SUGAR PIE,
YOU'RE AT A CRATE AND BARREL. EVEN OUR MENUS HAVE BUTTER ALL
OVER THEM." >> JASON, I THINK YOU MEAN
CRACKER BARREL? NOT CRATE AND BARREL.
>> WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? >> YEAH, I WAS ALSO CONFUSED.
I THINK YOU MEANT CRACKER BARREL, THE KIND OF
COUNTRY RESTAURANT. >> YEAH, NOT CRATE AND BARREL,
THE FINE SORT OF UPPER MIDDLE RANGE FURNITURE PLACE.
>> OKAY. >> YEAH.
IF YOU WALK INTO A CRATE AND BARREL AND ASK FOR A
BISCUIT THEY'D BE LIKE, "WE DON'T HAVE THAT BUT WE HAVE
OTTOMANS." [ LAUGHS ]
>> I SAID, "OKAY." I MADE A MISTAKE.
I WALKED INTO A RESTAURANT. IT HAD CRATES AND BARRELS FOR
THEIR DECOR. SOME SHOVELS HERE AND THERE.
SOME LITTLE SIGNS SAYING QUAINT LITTLE THINGS, BUT PREDOMINANTLY
BARRELS AND CRATES. SO MAYBE WE CAN LET IT GO.
>> YEAH. OH, ANYWAY, HEY, I SAW THE NEW
"JUMANJI." THEY GO INTO A VIDEO GAME.
>> YOU KNOW, I LIKED IT WHEN IT WAS A BOARD GAME.
>> LOOK, I'M NOT FROM THE SOUTH. SO FORGIVE ME FOR MAKING AN
HONEST MISTAKE ABOUT SOME THAT CLEARLY MEANS A LOT TO YOU.
I'M STILL FIGURING EVERYTHING OUT.
>> JASON, LET IT GO. >> YOU'RE AWFUL!
IN FACT, ALL OF YOU ARE AWFUL! >> OKAY, CALM DOWN, MAN.
>> THIS OFFICE IS SO CLICKY. >> WE MOVED ON, JASON.
>> YOU BROUGHT A NASTY, NASTY PROSTITUTE TO THE HOLIDAY PARTY.
>> THAT WAS MY DAUGHTER, MAN. >> OH.
OKAY, SO NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO MAKE A MIX UP.
NOW YOU CAN FEEL THE DEEP SHAME I FELT WHEN I MIXED UP THE TWO
RESTAURANTS. >> ONE!
ONE WAS A RESTAURANT. AND ONE WAS A FURNITURE STORE.
I DIDN'T MIX ANYTHING UP. >> YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT TO DROP
THIS. YOU'RE MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF
A MOLE HILL. >> SPEAKING OF MOLE HILLS, YOU
DON'T WEAR CONDOMS. >> JASON, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT?
>> I'VE SEEN IT. >> YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING,
MAN. >> OKAY, BUT NOW YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GOING THROUGH. NO, NO.
YOU CAN'T COMPARE MIXING UP CRATE AND BARREL WITH
CRACKER BARREL FOR HIM BEING SEXUALLY RECKLESS.
>> WELL, IT'S NOT RECKLESS IF EVERYONE INVOLVED IS COOL WITH
IT. >> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS
SILLY. LET'S JUST GET BACK TO WORK.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I QUIT. I QUIT.
>> THIS IS YOUR COMPANY. YOU'RE OUR BOSS.
YOU CAN'T JUST GO. >> NO, I'M QUITTING AND I'M
TAKING ALL OF MY PENS AND MY CREAM OF WHEAT, AND I'M LEAVING,
LIKE AN IDIOT. HERE I GO.
DUMB ME. OFF TO HAVE A BIG SOUTHERN MEAL
AT CRACKER BARREL BECAUSE I'M SO STUPID I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT
CRACKER BARREL ACTUALLY SELLS NICELY DESIGNED FURNISHINGS FOR
MODERN INTERIORS. >> JASON, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
CRATE AND BARREL AGAIN. >> WAIT, WHAT?
>> YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN. >> REALLY?
WELL, GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FIND YOUR BIRTH
PARENTS. >> I'M NOT ADOPTED.
I KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE. >> WELL, ALL I'LL SAY IS THAT IN
LIFE, IT HAS THE SICKEST WAY OF REVEALING TO YOU THAT YOU'VE
BEEN WRONG ALL ALONG ABOUT SOMETHING YOU WERE COMPLETELY
SURE OF. I WON'T BE BACK, OKAY?
I'M OFF TO FIND A NEW LIFE WITHOUT RIDICULE.
GOOD-BYE. I'M TAKING THIS, I PAID FOR THIS
WATER. >> WHAT THE HELL?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM? >> OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M MARRIED TO HIM, BUT HE'S MY
HUSBAND, AND I LOVE HIM.