With plenty of movies coming out this year, one sticks out, the Super Mario
Bros movie. Exploring such a wide world allows for a lot of unique situations,
but which of these characters are smart and which are really really dumb.
I’m Kyle with WickedBinge and this is The Super Mario Movie: Dumb to Brilliant.
Also, of course, major spoiler
warning for the film, so please watch the original if you can, please and thank you.
So, let’s jump right into the list, starting with
our dumbest friends and moving up to the most intelligent.
The dumbest character without a doubt is Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong first pops up in act two,
as the son of the King of The Jungle Kingdom. He is a showboating wrestling pastiche who fights
Mario during their time in the Jungle Kingdom, and he seems to pretty easily win most of his
battles. He is shown to never give up when he has the chance as he continues to swing at Mario
despite very obviously dazed and at a loss. After the Kong Army decided to work with Princess Peach
and Mario, he continues working as a rival to the jumping man. Donkey wins over crowds,
but he is also very unintelligent, there’s moments where he fights with Mario despite
there being a bigger threat and even arguing with the man who saved his life just because
he was annoyed. However, he was intelligent enough to at least help come up with the plan to rocket
out of the giant whale’s belly with his extra rocket from his cart. He ends up saving Luigi
and others from being sacrificed with his strength but the way he acts makes it hard
to say he’s intelligent. He quite literally fits the ‘Himbo” trope - this big, buff, dull, sweet
man who seems more interested in working out and fighting than anything else, hence his ranking.
Moving next on our list is Foreman Spike. Foreman Spike is obviously the Foreman of Wrecking Crew,
where Mario and Luigi worked before the plumbing business got started.
He’s kind of a rude and annoying, as he constantly makes fun of the two,
even to the point he nearly harms Mario for “harming his ride”. Foreman Spike
doesn’t get a lot of screen time, and he doesn’t seem incompetent. However,
he seems to think that he’s the smartest person in any given room which is usually a sign of
the exact opposite. He is the one who first congratulates Mario when Bowser is defeated,
which shows a bit of character growth, but in terms of intelligence, he can’t rank any higher.
Moving to the next spot on the list we have The Penguin King. The Penguin King is the first heroic
character we see in the film as he is the leader of the Ice Kingdom that Bowser takes over at the
beginning of the film so that he can obtain the Super Star. The Penguin King appears for
a brief time during the beginning of the film and makes small appearances in Bowser’s prison from
then on. He believes that he and the penguins are more than capable of fending Bowser off and while
initially it seems this may be the case he does so with a volley of weak snowballs that barely
matter. In fact, even the biggest weapon that the army has barely even harms a single koopa.
He then stupidly asks Bowser if he will Yield which leads to him not only being defeated,
but losing his Super Star and then being imprisoned.
From minor to main, Mario makes his way onto the next spot on our
list. Mario is the main protagonist of the film, where he is a brooklyn-based plumber
that gets sucked into the mushroom kingdom after going to investigate the sewers. Now,
Mario does a lot of stupid things for heroism’s sake such as heading into sewers to inspect a
leak despite all the flooding or fighting Donkey Kong to get the Kong army. These seem to be for
good reason but they are also really dumb, because most of the things he does he thinks he needs to.
Mario however, does show to have a lot of instinct and street smarts, because he knows how to do a
lot of things that may not be taught in a school, as he knew how to fix things that others struggled
with and was capable of fighting pretty well. Mario also shows that he is capable of finding
alternate paths when possible, as he was more than happy to accept changes to his situation when they
come up. However, Mario’s best trait isn’t his intelligence, it’s his willingness to do whatever
it takes to make sure he helps as many people as possible, whether that be fighting Bowser or
plumbing throughout New York. Mario is a good guy, but he is starkly unintelligent most of the time.
From mario to mushrooms, up next on our list is Toad. Toad is one of many multi-generational and
multi-functional mushroom people known as Toad. Toad is amongst the squad of heroes
who travels across the lands to stop Bowser and is the one who initially
greets Mario when he arrives. He seems to be relatively intelligent for the most part,
although he continually messes with Mario in the beginning and makes decisions that
most people wouldn’t such as his massive car or how he reacts to fights. Toad is also brave to
the point he’s dumb such as telling Peach he won’t let anyone harm her despite that being
difficult for someone like him to do. Toad is smarter than Mario simply because of experience.
From Toad to Troopa, up next we have Blue Shell. Blue Shell is the unnamed Koopa Troopa
with a blue shell that attacks the Kong Army and everyone else on Rainbow Road during act two. He
uses the massive cart breaker to destroy most of the carts throughout the road in an attempt to
kill Mario. He seems to be rather intelligent, although he doesn’t seem to notice that Mario
survived his crushing and didn’t sense the incoming rocket from Donkey Kong. However,
he was smart enough to commit a massive suicidal blast by turning into his shell
and destroying the leading Kart, which ends up destroying most of Rainbow Road. This attack
would definitely have been useful against anyone else, he just got unlucky with who he was facing.
The next character we’ll be discussing is Cranky Kong. Cranky Kong, better known as Donkey Kong Sr
is the king of the Jungle Kingdom and the original Donkey Kong from the arcade game. Specifically,
this is vaguely the same character from Donkey Kong Country, despite the differences. Cranky
leads his army with an iron paw and is well known for not allowing his army to be spread
to other kingdoms despite knowing the possible consequences. Sure, Cranky’s strong-headedness
can be seen as a problem, however, he uses his intelligence in a very interesting way.
He knows that Bowser is dangerous and is willing to provide help only if someone can beat his son
which is highly unlikely and a surefire bet for most cases. Cranky also sticks by his words and
uses a shortcut to try and ambush Bowser and knows what needs to be done to defeat the reptillian
king. Sure, Cranky, as his name implies isn’t particularly all that helpful nor is he nice,
but he knows when to join a fight and how to fight against the tyranny of Bowser in the right way.
Up next on our list is none other than Luigi. Luigi is the younger, taller, greener brother
of Mario and one of the main protagonists of the film. He helps Mario with his plumbing business
and seems happy to help his brother when the time comes. During the intro where they have
their first major plumbing job he does stumble and bumble a bit causing the dog to attack them,
but he shows his competence for the most part. When he is summoned into the Dark Lands through
the Warp Pipe he manages to escape from the mass of Dry Bones chasing after him, however, at first
he does try to fight the respawning creatures with very little success. Now, Luigi spends most of the
film locked up in Bowser’s prison and is unable to escape due to how the cages are hung above
the flaming pits of lava inside the Bowser Ship. Luigi’s cautiousness, often mistaken for being a
scaredy cat or worry wart is actually a sign of his intelligent, showing that he is more than
capable of knowing how to avoid being attacked by those who would come to face him. Sadly, Luigi
doesn’t get nearly as much screen time as we would like and with a potential Luigi’s Mansion movie in
the works, it’s possible we’ll see more of him. As it stands, the end of the film, shows that Luigi
is willing to sacrifice himself for his brother as he jumps in front of Bowser’s fire breath to
block it from hitting Mario despite knowing it may harm him. When he and Mario touch the Super Star
the two of them face off against Bowser and prove that they are not only capable but exceedingly
smart as they know just how to take down the giant fire-breathing lizard. Luigi is smart,
exceedingly so, but his fear tends to lead him to make dumb decisions in the moment rather than
smarter decisions that would be helpful in the long run, but he’s still quite high up.
Bagging our bronze medal of intelligence is our big boy Bowser. Bowser is the king of
the Koopas and the main antagonist of the film, as he is trying to take over the entire world.
This extends to stealing the Super Star from the Penguin Kingdom, and he is attempting to use the
Super Star as a gift so he can marry Princess Peach. His whole plan stems from the idea that
he would not only marry Peach but then rule the world with her. However, like most smart villains,
he knows to always have a backup plan as he will destroy the Mushroom Kingdom if it turns
out that Peach won’t marry him. However, you’ll notice he only takes third place and that’s for
relatively good reason, as Bowser spends most of the film trying to get Peach to marry him,
even though at the end of the film it’s very clear that Peach doesn’t want to do so. Although,
Bowser obviously doesn’t know this as when Peach asks “did you think I would really marry you” he
answers in the affirmative, thinking that she really would despite evidence to the contrary.
In fact, most of the film has Bowser acting sort of like a jealous boyfriend as he only
really wants to harm Mario once he realizes that Mario and Peach seem to like each other. However,
Bowser does have some serious military training as he did a variety of moves that were very
intelligent, such as the ambush on Rainbow Road or the capturing of most of the Kong Army. Bowser
does let his heart do more thinking than his brain during the marriage scenes, however,
when it comes down to it, he was capable enough to harm and nearly kill both Mario and Luigi
and if he had somehow managed to obtain the Super Star for himself he would have been unstoppable.
Snatching our sterling silver medal of smarts is Kamek. Kamek is a koopa wizard and if the
movie is keeping in line with the story we see in the game the adopted father of Bowser.
He works throughout the film as Bowser’s chief advisor, spending most of the film helping him
on his quest to marry Peach. He is shown to be rather smart as he is the only one capable of
using the magic abilities we see in the film and he knows how and when to tell Bowser hard truths
when necessary. Sure, he does play along with Bowser’s quest but this seems to be more out of
a need to make sure his adopted son is happy than to ruin his day or life with the truth.
Finally, grabbing our gold medal of intelligence is none other than
Princess Peach. Princess Peach is one of the main protagonists of the film as she spends
most of the film rallying to face off against Bowser. She is by far the most intelligent
character in the film because not only is she starkly intelligent in the traditional sense,
but she is also the most capable character in the film, willing to not only fight but also work hard
to do whatever needs to be done. Princess Peach grew up in the Mushroom Kingdom and does plenty
of things that prove her intelligence, such as helping Mario in his training or knowing
specifically how to get the Kong Army to help her. In fact, she even goes through the motions
of marrying Bowser to save them, although she was more than capable of tricking him
by hiding an Ice Flower in her bouquet and use it against him. Peach is by far the most intelligent,
simply because she has it all, street smarts, formal intelligence, formal schooling and
experience. She has been training and learning in the Mushroom KIngdom from a shockingly young age
and it’s no surprise that she tops our list, because this girlboss gratefully grabs gold.
But let us know in the comment section if you agree with our ranking. And tell us what we should
cover next. Remember to hit that notification bell and binge our Dumb to Brilliant playlist.
Where we figure out which characters have the most wits. But most importantly, stay wicked.