Learning how to be more confident with women can feel like a losing battle - You feel like
you can't be confident with women until you are successful with them, but you can't be
successful with them until you're confident talking to them.
So you feel helplessly trapped with low self-esteem.
But did you know that a turning point in psychological research from the 1960s holds the key to building
massive confidence with women without needing to first be successful with them?
In 1967 a young researcher named Martin Seligman was conducting a series of studies on depression
using dogs as guinea pigs.
In a famous key experiment, he split his dogs into 3 groups.
Group 1 was the control group.
They were placed into a harness, and held in place and released some time later.
Nothing interesting happened to them.
Group 2 was also placed into a harness collar, but they would receive intermittent electric
shocks through the collar.
There was a lever on the floor that the dogs could push which would cause the collar to
release them and escape the shocks.
Group 3 was collared as well, and their collars were yoked electrically to a random dog in
group 3, so they received electric shocks at the same times that dogs in group 2 did.
However, they didn't have a lever on the floor that would release them.
Instead their collars would only release when the dog in group 2 happened to push a button
on the floor.
This experiment was repeated many times over and over again.
The three groups of dogs were then placed into shuttle boxes which included two sections.
The section they were placed in had an electrified flooring, but they could easily see an escape
rout to the second section where the floor was safe.
Dogs in groups 1 and 2 quickly learned to jump through to the second section, however,
most dogs in group 3 would lay down and whimper.
The psychological difference between the experiences of dogs in group 2 and dogs in group 3, was
that while dogs in group 3 suffered just as much pain as dogs in group 2, they were learning
they had no control over their fates because they had no button they could push to stop
the pain.
Dogs in group 3 beleived there was nothing they could do to change their outcomes so
they didn't even try.
In essence, they suffered from low self-confidence and depression in a condition which would
be famously coined "Learned Helplessness".
Think about a time in your life when you felt really low and depressed.
How much control did you feel you had in your life?
odds are, you felt like the whole world was spinning out of your control?
A sense of control over your surroundings is one of the keys to strong emotional health.
It's not important how much control you actually have, but rather, how much control you FEEL
you have.
Many of the men who come to me for help remind me of the dogs in the 3rd group - There are
clearly steps they could take to learn to become better with women, but deep down inside
they feel like there's nothing they can really do to change the outcome, so they don't even
bother.
Do you feel this way at times?
And if you do, how can you change it?
It turns out, the key to overcoming learned helplessness in humans is as simple as learning
to change what we focus on.
We acquire "learned helplessness" in life by constantly focusing on the things we can't
control.
We focus on what mood women are in when we say hello to them, we focus on whether she
has a boyfriend or not when we ask for her number, we focus on if a woman rejects you...
I'm sorry to tell you that no man alive can control a woman's mood..
And we can't help it if we aren't a paticular girl's type of man.
So the more we focus on these outcomes which are outside of all men's control, the more
helpless we start to feel.
When I'm coaching men, I radically change their confidence with women by getting them
instead to focus only on the things that they have complete control over.
Focus on how playful your banter is, focus on how many women you dare to approach in
a night, focus on how little time you procrastinate before approaching, focus on your rapport
building ability..
When your focus beecomes rooted solely on what you have complete control over (even
if you aren't good at it yet), you are teaching yourself to perceive a great deal of control
over your environment you start to feel powerful and confident, because while you may not have
any results YET, you feel completely in control of the fact that you are empowered enough
to get there with practice.
In short, when trying to master any skill, if your attentional focus allows anyone else's
actions to determine how you feel about ourself, then you're bound to burn out before you ever
succeed in that endeavor.
This principal alone allowed me to radically grow my confidence levels in all areas of
my life - It allowed me to go from being trapped in my room with severe chronic anxiety to
being one of the most confident people I knew, regularly taking on and succeeding in new
projects.
I challenge you to try changing your focus for just 2 days, and comment below how that
changes how you feel about yourself.
If you liked this video, be sure to subscribe to my channel so you don't miss my upcoming
content, I have a bunch of stuff I'm excited
to film.