You are going to die. I mean like, not today… maybe… Probably not today. Can
we? [Beep] You are going to die. That makes it sound like I’m gonna do it.
I’m not gonna do it… at least not on purpose. You know what… [Beep]
[Intro music] You likely experienced a wide range of emotions
when I told you that you’re going to die. Anger, fear, aggression.
The dark side of the force are they.
Death is our inevitable end, and like it or not, it shapes who we
are and how we approach the rest of life. Probably a lot more than you might think.
Most people prefer to avoid or dismiss the topic entirely because it evokes negative emotions. Even
I put off writing this script as long as possible. This is called death anxiety and it drives almost
everything about us, from our internal thoughts to our external interactions. It’s important to
note that this is different from the fear of death. Which, when you really boil it down,
is just the fear of the biological pain associated with death. As proof,
if we had a choice, most of us would choose to die quickly or in our sleep. Death Anxiety,
on the other hand, is the existential dread we feel when faced with the fact
that our consciousness will end. And when it comes to that, nobody truly wants to die.
I know a few of you are going to point to suicidal people and say that I’m wrong – but no. They feel
that death is the only option they have left to escape their life circumstances. Given the choice,
if you were to hand them the solution to all of their problems, they would probably choose
that over dying. They just want an end to their suffering and they feel that this is the only
way. There’s also a small group who want their death to impart suffering on others – the “I’ll
show them” types. But we all know that you don’t get to come back and watch your epic
revenge fantasy unfold. I hate this show so much… No religion teaches that you get to
come back and watch the end credits scene. Or that you get to talk to and interact with it –
So you talk now?
Apparently.
F- [Beep] this show!
Sorry… this is one of the ways that we cope with death: by telling each other,
and ourselves, that death isn’t really the end.
I didn’t think it would end this way. End? No, the
journey doesn’t end here. You go to your favorite place
in the whole world, and everyone you ever loved and has ever loved you will be there.
Well, that’s not so bad. No, no it isn’t.
If there is more after you die, then there is nothing to fear. The afterlife,
or reincarnation, or whatever other stories we tell each other are just ways to dissipate the
existential despair we have about death. But as much as we tell each other these
stories or even believe them down to our very core, we don’t really act like it.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer, we don’t throw a party
to celebrate their free ticket to paradise. Or wherever else they happen to be going,
but… I’ll get to that later. When you’re giving CPR to someone, you don’t say:
Just let go! Let go!
That would be terrifying, that’s like the worst thing you possibly could say in that moment.
Hahahahahaha! We had a near-life experience!
Alright, well let’s take a moment to talk about what most people would call that – a
near death experience. The common trope is that your life flashes before your eyes or
something but there is a small group of people who were clinically dead and
claim to have passed over to the other side and returned. If you read the little thing,
these people didn’t actually die. Their brain is still active and the fact that everyone’s story of
what they see differs significantly should tell you what’s going on. NDEs are no more accurate
than dreams when it comes to what happens after you cross over… assuming you actually cross over.
It’s a form of denial really, not in the sense that you’re not going to die at all –
even though there are people who seem to want to think that – but in the sense that death
isn’t really the end. And before you go thinking that this idea is exclusive to faith or religion,
it’s creeped into our science fiction as well. Whether you’re uploaded to some virtual vacation
destination or you have an implant that can be transferred from body to body. By the way,
in both of those scenarios, permanent death is still a real possibility.
And the funny part is, no matter what I say here, there are still some of you who think there’s a
real chance that you will live forever or at least continue on in some way. This is
called Terror Management Theory, and it’s one of the ways that we deny death, or at least,
try to find some enduring meaning to life. Most people do this by identifying as part of something
greater than themselves in the hope that it will continue on after they’ve died – like a religion
or a country or through YouTube videos. So when those things come under threat,
it’s also a threat to their enduring identity so they respond with anger.
For those of you keeping track at home we’re on number two now. Whenever the idea of our
own death comes up, we respond with anger. This can range anywhere from outright violence to
subconscious aggression. One of the most interesting studies I know about showed
that judges who were just reminded of death gave harsher punishments – whether it was more prison
time or larger fines. So, if in between the guilty verdict and your sentencing,
everyone breaks for lunch and the judge just happens to see a commercial for life insurance…
You’re screwed. I hope it’s not also an election year or you’re double screwed.
[Absurd music]
Aside from being reminded that you’re going to die, being told that what you think happens
after you die might be wrong is the basis for most wars in history. It’s one thing
to be confronted by someone who admits they don’t know or thinks that nothing happens;
it’s another for someone to tell you that they know, and you’re wrong. This comes back to
Terror Management Theory, it’s a direct threat to your cultural identity and the peace of mind
that comes from your death coping strategy. It makes people angry to hear that what they think
happens after you die is incorrect. But not only that, in the other story, they’re going
to the less-awesome version of the afterlife or being reincarnated as some lesser being.
Unless you’re able to make some sort of deal. For some reason, in our culture,
we’ve decided that Death is some sort of negotiator or gambler.
You can weasel your way out of death with a game of chess or battleship…
Excellent!!
Or by collecting his soul contracts for him.
F- [Beep] this game! [Controller hits floor hard]
So I suppose this is a good time to bring up the Kubler-Ross Model,
better known as the five stages of grief. Some of my psychology friends are going to scoff at this,
saying that it’s not proven or it’s not linear, but whatever. It’s still a good model to teach the
subject. So after you’re done being in denial or being angry about some impossible carrot
level… [huff] you get to bargaining. Now this doesn’t necessarily mean challenging death or the
devil to some battle of wits. It can also involve telling your doctor “please I’ll pay anything.”
[Absurd music]
Or just mentally pleading your case. “If you let me live,
I swear I’ll stop spoiling movies on Facebook.”
When that obviously doesn’t work – because people who spoil movies go to a special circle of hell,
you enter the depression stage. Now this topic is huge, there are entire channels dedicated to it,
so I’ll just make this one point. There is a big difference between being depressed and being sad.
Sadness is a temporary state, you are sad about a specific thing. [Sloshing milk] F- [Beep] But
while sadness is an emotion, depression is a lifestyle. There can be a singular catalyst,
but then it effects everything else in your life. “I’m so worthless, I can’t even pour milk right.
I don’t deserve to know who Rey’s parents are.” That’s depression, it infects everything else
that you used to enjoy. It shouldn’t be hard to see why dying people might experience this.
But after that, comes acceptance. Knowing, and obviously accepting, that you are going to die.
There’s a certain weight lifted off of your shoulders when you’ve reached acceptance. Just
a side note, one of the worst things that can happen to a person is to have gone through all
of the stages of grief, and arrived at acceptance, only for death not to come. Many of the people who
have had that happen end up in a deep depression and sometimes committing suicide. Just imagine
going through all of those emotions and processing your grief – just to be told that you have to do
it all over again later. For some, it can also give them a rather depressingly cavalier attitude
towards life. “What does it matter, I thought I was going to die anyway.” But for most people,
reaching acceptance means being at peace and reflecting on their life in their final days.
A big part of that is asking yourself whether you’ve served a purpose or
found some meaning. Viktor Frankl tackles this subject in his book Man’s Search for Meaning,
and a few YouTube philosophers have put their own spin on it. YouTube
philosophers… what strange times we’re living in. But another aspect of Death
Anxiety is worrying about your legacy, or how you’ll be remembered after you die.
I don’t want to be remembered, I want to be alive.
Okay, well… barring that, most people want to be remembered as good. There’s a weird
transformation that occurs when someone is dying. Everyone, regardless of who they were in life,
is good. If you’ve ever worked a retail or fast food job, you know that at least half
of the population is made up of jerks. Yet every dead person is an angel, why is that?
Because it’s what we want – we want to be remembered as good. So it’s an accepted
cultural norm to not speak ill of the dead. And there’s an expectation to forgive the
dead and dying of any wrongdoings, no matter how grievous. Once they’re dead,
we’ll have a giant celebration in their honor – just don’t bring up that one thing we all
know they did. Or have a funeral for them where everyone says nice things, and they get to come
back and watch it?! F- [Beep] this show! How did this get a second season?! Before you get all mad
at me down in the comments, just remember that she’s a fictional character m’kay. M’kay.
We tell each other that everyone who is dying is good and they all get to go to the nice
version of the afterlife – because that’s what we want, that’s how we want to be remembered.
We don’t want people to remember how we died, or that one controversy from the early 90s,
or that time that we chewed up an expensive pair of running shoes….
Ugh... I thought I was done with this stuff.
No, everyone is good and all is forgiven. We trick ourselves into thinking that we won’t die or that
death isn’t really the end and that everyone is remembered fondly because that’s what we hope
happens to us. So the next time someone tells you that some day soon people will live forever
or that death is just another path, one that we all must take, don’t worry about it, because-
Nothing means anything and we’re all going to die.
Dude…
We’re coming up on the two year anniversary for the channel so I’ve put a link to a survey down
below to find out more about how you guys think I’m doing. I’m also going
to be doing a Q&A later this month so feel free to pop any questions you have
down below. And while you’re there make sure to bury that subscribe button. Also
make sure to follow me on Twitter and Facebook and join us on the subReddit.
[Outro music]