What up, content consumers!
Well, it's October 2018 and it truly is a time of hype in Transformer land.
Like, for the whole last couple of months it's been Bumblebee trailers!
Siege reveals! All kinds of crap!
And I personally just can't right now.
So instead, today we're gonna talk about some swiftly-forgotten gems from the ancient, long-lost wasteland of
about eight months ago.
Welcome to the clone zone!
Yes indeed, our familial friends this evening are Legends Pounce and Wingspan,
the modern Takara reincarnation of the 1987 Decepticon clones,
which was one of those weird mid-G1 spitball ideas like the Duocons that they only did once.
Like, there was one Autobot pair of meaningless space vehicles
and one Decepticon set of sketchy carboard box animals, as was the style at the time.
And their whole gimmick was that they were
two brothers who turn into different things, but they look the same!
Cool.
They look the same.
[crickets chirping]
So yes, the clones made their comeback in Titans Return, because the late-game Generations lines
are all about rehashing absolutely bloody everything.
But Hasbro decided to split 'em up between two different massive box sets
and one awkward mismatched two-pack in a truly impressive dick move
But it did give me an excuse to bust out the ultimate preening toy collector arsehole catchphrase:
I'll wait for the Japanese release!
Mmmmmmmm!
...because it's the things I want, in a box.
Why is that hard?
Anyway, Pounce and Wingspan are in full effect as a pair of lovable lookalike Legends lads
sharing the same wonderfully simple aesthetic. Like, it's about as "normal robot man" as it gets.
Literally just a big plastic slab with some entry-level limbs on.
But they're definitely rockin' the look! Like, check 'em out in this period-appropriate palette of
cyan, off-white, and almost-black blue,
although I feel like maybe the Takara cartoony colours are missing that sharp shock of pink.
But they're workin' it!
So the body literally is just a rectangle of turquoise robo-steak with some base-level mecha detail,
such as these oddly satisfying kidney cylinders.
along with some mercifully minimal stickering - like, they literally have two each, and they're both logos.
One cheeky Decepticrotch and one chest-mounted Power Rangers alt-mode teaser,
which sorta comes off like Wingspan just really loves America
and Pounce is totally into Code Orange. [I AM KiNG!]
Anyway, love the lumpy little limbs!
Like the arms are pretty much a short stack of sugar cubes,
with Pounces in particular hiding an elegant in-body Tupperware solution.
Legs are also distinctly cubist, with aggressively geometric hips and thighs
and these superb static stompy booties!
And in admirable defiance of the pervading blockiness, they're actually deceptively nimble little movers
thanks to the balls-out ball joint overload and slick shoulder slidage.
Definitely something deeply unsettling about that spooky metal face!
I mean, the big white Stormtrooper hat is sort of innocuous and henchman-y enough,
but the actual face feels like some kind of uncanny valley tin man street performer golem
with the unfeeling red hypno-gaze of death!
And it's like, double-time disturbing because I think the heads may actually be the same component!
So they do basically pull off the whole Decepticon double vision thing,
the illusion certainly starts to crumble round the back!
I mean look at this, they're both an absolute mess
with all these different beast bits literally coming out of their arses!
Like, poor old Pounce's kibble pack is just crammed with kitty bits
while Wingspan's arms are all clogged up with chicken feet
and his tail feathers are so horizontal they're practically a Titanmaster diving board!
But what do you want, man? So they're not truly identical!
They're presenting a fantasy, and I am living it.
Anyway, there's no official accessories to be found for some reason,
but fortunately, Toyhax have been on and they've served up some suitable substitutes!
Check out Pounce's pistols with the wicked sorta scimitar bayonets,
and he can hold 'em like actual swords! That's badass!
Whereas Wingspans are just some guns that are normal guns,
but hey, anything's a melee weapon if you're mad enough.
So as robots, Pounce and Wingspan are a reasonably righteous twosome
who exploit my soft spot for generic baddie bots about as far as it'll go.
I mean, I dunno if they're gonna change anybody's life, but for the kind of collector I am,
the only thing better than a Decepticon goon is two Decepticon goons!
Shove that up yer Winklevoss!
#Transformers Generations#
#Buy your childhood favourites all again#
Transformations are both pretty basic arms-round-kibble-out exercises,
all fairly similar and surprisingly fun!
I reckon Wingspan's probably got a bit more goin' on, but I'm proud of 'em both.
And these beast modes are... a bit ropey?
I mean, I love 'em for what they are 'cos Ive already bought in, but
they really are just two awkward folded-up robo boys
wearing slightly different animal-themed party costumes.
Check out Pounce's pallid puma form!
I mean, for a puma, it does kinda pume? it's not the worst at puming?
Like the head's great fun and the jorts are juggalicious,
but, bro! He's RIGHT there!
All of him. Arms, legs, torso - it's all still right there with only the barest skinny kitty tendrils
and feet comin' out of his feet and a silly waggly tail to make it not just a crumpled robot.
Wingspan's also lookin considerably hawkward as the rare North American Rectangle Eagle.
Like those titty-shoulders are NOT subtle.
But, to be fair, he probably comes off a pinch better than Pounce, like at least his legs actually do something.
Gotta love how they fold out to reveal glorious purple plumage
and then fold back up to deliver epic wing kicks!
So they're not even remotely convincing as actual beasts and they don't have the same
real-world roleplay alt-mode appeal that Ravage and Lazerbeak did,
but look, they clearly don't give a shit, so why should I?
They're just daft boxy Deceptibeasts in brilliant 80s colours!
Kinda like if Sixshot had two different babies with Weirdwolf and Cutthroat.
Anyway, as Titans Return lads, they are mildly compatible with Titanmasters
who can ride up top like noble steeds.
There's something very pure fun about that! Like it's not intrusive at all,
it does something with all that dead space, you can finally throw a bit of pink into the mix,
and, y'know, it's just nice to see them involved!
But I do feel vaguely like I'm missing something.
There's all these lumps and bumps that don't seem to contribute?
Like Wingspan's got this massive button under his tail that canNOT be just for the tip of his beak to sit in,
and Pounce has got this little ridge here and sort of tail-mounted secondary butthole
that seem to imply more than just basic transformation stuff.
And you can just about wrangle some kind of half-arsed
Chimera Griffin Cronenberg Dreadwing out of 'em,
but you could scarcely call that a mode, right?
Even the weapons have got these little slats and tabs that feel like they should go somewhere
but don't seem to? Toyhax, what do you know?
So yeah, I don't think I've ever seen two alt-modes so lovable yet so compromised!
Like, I'd get it if they were combiner limbs and they had to be a bit shitty to make the gestalt work,
or if they were like, Pretenders, or they had some other business goin' on, but... they don't!
All they do is... they look the same.
Which, honestly, I don't know if it's worth it.
But it is A Thing. And it's Their Thing!
But here's The Thing - are they good?
I dunno! I mean, they're a charming enough pair of Decepticon doppelbangers, but they really are
the epitome of "G1 with knees".
And not to be a bitch, but on their own terms I really can't see that they have that much appeal.
I mean, I wanted 'em because I had the originals and I missed them,
but I really can't imagine any reason why you'd want em otherwise!
So did the world really need new figures of Pounce and Wingspan?
I dont know.
But I know I did.
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Robocentric vocabugasm.