Transcriber: Pilar Navarro Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard
We are passed on many things by our families,
from genetic codes to physical characteristics and family heirlooms.
However, if you live in a household like mine,
and especially many other households of people of color
and families who have gone through genocides in the history of their years,
you would know that generational trauma is something that has been a great issue
in many families, if you are not basically not American or white.
This is something that has been sugar-coated
and mostly a big misconception within the media.
It's nice that it's been talked about, especially in many movies and books.
However, it’s always noted as something
that can be pushed away by a little therapy session,
and that’s something I would like to address in my speech today.
If you do not know what generational trauma or intergenerational trauma is,
it’s basically when that trauma passes on to not only one person,
but to generations following to come.
It's something that is extremely difficult to deal with,
especially if you have not yet accepted everything that has happened to you,
and also, if you live in a family where historically you have been faced against
with racism, genocide and many things to come.
It’s something that has been very easily talked about in media
such as Disney movies, books and films to come.
A big example of this is “Encanto”
Encanto follows the story of Mirabel who lives in a magical family
where everyone has special talents except for her.
Everyone seems as this perfect and beautiful family.
However, inside, they’re all given pressure by the main person: Abuela.
If you don’t know what Abuela is, it means grandma in Spanish,
for any non-Spanish speakers here.
Abuela Alma at the start of the movie
is seen as someone who mostly favors the family, except for Mirabel.
She’s always seen as someone who is an outsider.
She doesn’t really fit in compared to everyone else.
However, as the story develops and we see how Abuela starts breaking down,
we can easily sympathize with her
and how much trauma she actually went through.
There are many spoilers from this movie,
so please note that if you don’t want to hear it,
just cover your ears or something.
Abuela Alma lost her husband in The 1,000 Days War.
She was with her triplets,
and her husband decided to fight against the Spaniards in Colombia, by the way.
And this was probably the most difficult thing to go through for a person.
I mean, imagine losing your husband right in front of you,
right before your eyes.
It’s the most difficult thing to go through.
And we can finally understand why Abuela is actually like this.
We can sympathize with her.
That’s such an important thing to do in the media these days,
because we are just always so eager to make people look bad,
though we don't give them the chance to speak for themselves
or like hear their side of the story all the time.
Of course, this has to be noted that you cannot always forgive
the people who have hurt you.
It takes time for forgiveness, and that’s extremely important to know.
Now, breaking the cycle of generational trauma itself is quite difficult
It’s not something that can be done
in a quick therapy session or very long intervention.
It’s something that needs to be worked on
by all family members who are going through it.
Especially if you’re a younger generation
or generation one like me or generation two,
you would know that it’s not the easiest thing to handle,
especially when you’re just a kid.
So, with that coming forth,
you should know that generational trauma needs to be dealt with,
once everyone has accepted what is happening,
they have to accept all their flaws,
because again, it’s not something that you can go through easily.
It's exactly just how any trauma or PTSD,
you cannot do it just by coping it
or just like making yourself believe that it didn't happen.
You have to accept it at some points.
Even if all the damage that you go through,
you don’t think it’s good damage, that is completely wrong.
There is no such thing as good damage.
Damage happens to us so we can grow.
It’s something that is extremely sad to do because we try so hard
to push it away because we don’t want to remember all those events.
But eventually, as someone who has gone through a lot of trauma themselves,
we have to remember that it is sometimes not the most easy to accept it,
but we have to at some point.
Otherwise, it’s just going to burden us for the rest of our lives.
Now, can you stop generational drama?
No, you really can’t.
I mean, coming from a person who has gone through this in their family themselves,
it's not an easy thing to stop.
I mean, like, it’s not something that you can really stop verbally
or just, like, you know, being yourself.
You have to accept it, really.
Something that is also critical to mention is how,
let's say your family is finally accepting all of their mistakes
and everything they’ve done to you,
all of that, they’re accepting allthe trauma they’ve gone through,
the trauma they put you through without meaning to, they can accept that.
However, forgiveness is something that is extremely noted in our media,
that it’s not the easiest thing to do.
When you forgive someone for hurting you,
it has to be a big step, it means that everything they’ve done
is finally forgiven.
But, is it really okay?
When you forgive someone, it means you’re giving them closure.
And by giving them closure, you have to think: by giving them this,
will they stop, will they continue it, or will they try to break the cycle?
It is something I think we’re all scared about,
especially in families where you grew up with generational trauma.
It’s just like you’re so terrified of continuing the cycle
that you sometimes forget
that your actions also reflect onto other people.
It’s just like damaged people,
making people more damaged without meaning to.
And it’s time that we take a stand on this and, you know, try to break it.
Again breaking the cycle is not something that can be done easily
because you really have to tell yourself: “that’s enough”.
It's not something that you can easily do.
It’s also very important to mention that if you do live in a family
that has been going through this for many generations to come,
you have to understand that not everyone has the same view of you.
Not everyone is ready to accept everything.
However, it's also good to mention that you can also teach them.
You can try to educate them.
They won’t always reciprocate with it.
They won’t always accept it.
However, if you try
and if they start trying, that’s a good thing.
And even if they don't want to try, if they're so stubborn or like,
they’re still in this mindset where everything that happens to them
is not their fault, any action or flaw is just trauma,
which is a really bad mindset, to be honest,
because you cannot excuse your actions, to be honest.
It’s something that we have to just not push away.
It's really hard to accept our mistakes, and I understand that,
especially with an inferiority complex, you know,
it's not really easy because it means that you're a flawed person,
you’re not a “good person”, and that’s not true at all.
You can still be a good person with flaws.
That’s what makes us human.
I think a lot of people make the misconception
that because we are all so terrified of continuing the cycle
that we lose ourselves.
And that's extremely true.
But please note that you won’t lose yourself
because you want to break the cycle in your family.
If they can’t accept their mistakes,
or if you’re struggling to accept your mistakes, that’s fine.
It takes time.
You can't accept everything in just one go.
It's extremely important to mention that nothing will ever change you as a person,
especially if you go through a trauma.
You will always be the same person.
Even if a bad event happens to you, it does not define you.
You are your own person and that’s extremely important to know.
As my closing statement, I would just like to say,
you really don’t hav to listen to me about this,
but to any parents out there who are watching this,
or any kids themselves who are like me
and are struggling to not continue the cycle,
I want you to know that it’s going to be okay.
Therapy is a viable option, even if your family disagrees with it.
Once you are 18 or so or are able to go on to therapy yourself
and finally accept what has happened to you, that is a great start.
And if you’re in a household
where your family is just not the most accepting of this type of things,
where they’re traditional and strict,
that is completely fine.
Please know that you are going to be okay.
It’s something that not a lot of people have told me,
but I want everyone to know, especially the viewers, who are watching this,
that it will be okay soon.
It is not your fault what happened and you shouldn’t blame yourself for it.
You are an amazing person and you should know that it is going to be okay.