♪ SUCCESS JESS YOU KNOW THOSE
PEOPLE WHO THINK YOU OWE THEM
EVERYTHING.
THEY DO A SOLID ONE TIME AND
THEY WILL JUST START INVITING
THEMSELVES OUT FOR DINNER?
>> I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GIVING
HIM THIS.
>> I DIDN’T WANT ANYTHING FOR
IT.
[APPLAUSE]
>> VERY GENEROUS, ISN’T HE?
>> YES, YES.
HE IS.
I WILL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN
TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER SOME TIME.
[LAUGHTER]
>> DINNER?
>> YEAH, YOU BUY ME A MEAL.
YOU CAN’T GET A BETTER DEAL THAN
THAT.
>> NEVER GET A BETTER DEAL THAN
THAT.
>> THINK YOU ARE FINALLY EVEN,
THEY COME BACK ASKING FOR MORE.
>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
I’M JUST GOING TO HAVE SOUP.
YEAH, I WILL SAVE THE MEAL FOR
ANOTHER TIME.
[LAUGHTER]
I HAD A LOT DOG EARLIER I’M NOT
THAT HUNGRY.
>> NO, NO.
THIS IS THE DINNER.
THE SOUP COUNTS.
>> SOUP’S NOT A MEAL.
YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BUY ME A
MEAL.
>> Jesse: AND IF YOU STEAL
70 MILLION IN CRYPTO FROM
CRIMINALS AND FUNNEL IT TO THE
DEMOCRATS, YOU EXPECT A LITTLE
SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, IN RETURN.
AND NO A KISS FROM MAXINE
WATERS, NO RELATION, ISN’T
ENOUGH.
ESPECIALLY FOR A SKINNY FAT KID
LIKE MINI MADE AL-JAAFARI.
HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH KATY
PERRY, TOM BRADY AND BILL
CLINTON WHILE HIS HAREM FEEDS
HIM VEGAN SLIDERS.
NOTHING MAJOR.
OH YEAH, I FORGOT.
FULL ACCESS TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
TONIGHT, WE’RE LEARNING MINI
MADOFF VISITED THE BIDEN HOUSE
NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, NOT THREE
TIMES, BUT FOUR TIMES JUST LAST
YEAR.
MINI MADOFF WAS AT THE WHITE
HOUSE AS RECENTLY AS SEPTEMBER
AT THE EXACT SAME TIME HE WAS
SIPHONING MONEY FROM DRUG
CARTELS AND SENDING IT TO THE
DEMOCRATS SENATE CAMPAIGNS.
HERE’S WHAT MINI DID AFTER VISITING THE WHITE HOUSE.
VISITING THE WHITE HOUSE.
♪
>> Jesse: MINI JUST PULLED OFF
THE BIGGEST CAMPAIGN FINANCE
SCANDAL IN AMERICAN HISTORY
MONEY LAUNDERING, MAFIA MONEY
BAHAMAS AND INTO CHUCK SCHUMER’S
WAR CHEST.
DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING,
MINI, BECAUSE NO ONE WAS.
SO, WHAT WAS HE TALKING ABOUT?
YOU KNOW, THAT WHOLE TIME WITH
THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE?
WELL, MAYBE THE BINDER READER
HAS THE ANSWER.
>> I’M WONDERING, GIVEN THIS
FIRST BRIEFING SINCE THEN IF YOU
CAN GIVE US ANY SORT OF SUMMARY
OF WHAT HAS BEEN DISCUSSED IN
MR. BANKMAN-FRIED’S MEETINGS
WITH THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> YEAH, LET ME GIVE YOU A
COUPLE OF RUN DOWNS HERE, SO, AS
WE PREVIOUSLY CONFIRMED, AS YOU
KNOW, I KNOW YOU ARE FOLLOWING
THIS VERY CLOSELY, THESE
MEETINGS INCLUDING SETY AND
BRUCE REID.
>> SO WHO IS STEVE ROW SETY?
HE IS THE COUNSELOR TO THE
PRESIDENT, ONE OF BIDEN’S MOST
TRUSTED GUY AND WHO IS BRUCE
REID?
>> HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE
WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF
DEPUTY BASICALLY THE GATE KEEPER
TO JOE BIDEN.
HMM, SO WHAT MINI MADOFF TALKED
TO BIDEN’S CLOSEST ADVISERS
ABOUT FOUR TIMES LAST YEAR?
>> THIS MEETING WITH SAM
BANKMAN-FRIED WAS FOCUSED ON
PANDEMIC PREVENTION-RELATED
MATTERS.
>> Jesse: SO CRYPTO FAUCI WAS
ADVISING THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE
ABOUT THE PANDEMIC.
I HAD NO IDEA THE VEGAN THIEF
WAS A VIROLOGIST.
DID YOU?
I THOUGHT HE JUST KNEW HOW TO
STEAL MONEY.
WHAT ELSE WAS MINI MADOFF
TALKING TO THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE
ABOUT?
>> AND CRYPTO CURRENCY AND
CRYPTO EXCHANGES.
>> Jesse: OH, SO THE BIDEN WHITE
HOUSE WAS MEETING ALL YEAR ABOUT
CRYPTO CURRENCY WITH THE BIGGEST
CRYPTO SCAM ARTIST IN U.S.
HISTORY.
AND ALL OF THAT CRYPTO MONEY
JUST WOUND UP BUYING THE
DEMOCRATS THE SENATE?
AND THEN THE BIDEN
ADMINISTRATION TURNS AROUND
AFTER HE WON THE SENATE WITH THE
ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS
AND ARRESTS THE GUY.
IS ANYBODY ELSE IN THE MEDIA
COVERING THIS STORY?
THIS STORY IS CRAZY.
AND WHAT WAS MINI WEARING TO THE
WHITE HOUSE?
DID HE LOOK LIKE FETTERMAN?
>> SO, VERY OFTEN WHEN PEOPLE
GET WEALTHY THEY BUY FANCY SUITS
AND SO FORTH.
YOU HAVEN’T GONE TO THAT PHASE
YET, RIGHT?
>> NOT SO MUCH.
>> SO YOU’RE OUTFIT IS PRETTY
MUCH STANDARD.
IT’S SOME KIND OF T-SHIRT,
SHORTS, TENNIS SHOES.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WEAR ALL THE
TIME.
>> WHEN I GO TO WASHINGTON, D.C.
I HAVE A SUIT THERE BECAUSE I
HAVE TO WEAR IT ON THE HILL.
>> Jesse: SO MINI MUST BE TRYING
TO IMPRESS SOMEBODY.
AND IT’S WORKING BECAUSE NOT
JUST ANYBODY CAN JUST GET A
MEETING AT THE WHITE HOUSE, LET
ALONE FOUR.
IF YOU’RE AN OIL CEO, JOE
DOESN’T WANT YOU THERE.
BUT, IF YOU CAN BUY THE SENATE
FOR THE DEMOCRATS, THE WHITE
HOUSE DOORS ARE WIDE OPEN.
IT’S NOT LIKE THIS IS THE FIRST
SHADY DUDE BIDEN HAS HAD TO THE
WHITE HOUSE.
WHEN BIDEN WAS VICE PRESIDENT HE
HAD CHINESE SPIES ALL OVER THE
PLACE.
AND IF WE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
JOE, IF YOU BRING THE MONEY,
YOU’LL GET THE ACCESS.
OR AS AOC PUTS IT THEY WILL BE
LICKING YOUR BOOTS.
>> ALL OF THEM ARE BANK ROLLED
AND LICKING BILLIONAIRE BOOTS.
THAT’S WHAT THEY DO.
BECAUSE BILLIONAIRES PAY FOR
THEIR LITTLE PODCASTS AND
BILLIONAIRES PAY FOR THEIR
LITTLE YOUTUBE CHANNELS.
AND BILLIONAIRES PAY TO FUND
THEIR CAMPAIGNS.
AND IF YOU ARE DOUBTING ME,
CHECK THE RECEIPTS.
THE LEFT IN THIS COUNTRY IS NOT
BACKED BY BILLIONAIRES.
AND SO, IT IS VERY DE -- IT’S
GRASSROOTS.
>> Jesse: IT’S SO GRASSROOTS.
YOU KNOW, THERE IS NOTHING
GRASSROOTS ABOUT DEMOCRATS
TAKING CRYPTO CASH FROM DRUG
CARTELS AND MOBSTERS.
THE LARGEST CRYPTO EXCHANGE COIN
BASE JUST SETTLED WITH THE FEDS
FOR $100 MILLION.
WHY SUCH A BIG FINE?
WELL, BECAUSE IF A TERRORIST OR
A DRUG TRAFFICKER OR A RUSSIAN
OLIGARCH PARKED MILLIONS IN
THEIR EXCHANGE, THEY DIDN’T
CARE.
IT WAS NEVER FLAGGED.
BIN LADEN COULD HAVE PUT MONEY
WITH COIN BASE AND COIN BASE
WOULDN’T HAVE CHECKED.
THEY WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW.
COIN BASE JUST TOOK THE MONEY
AND PAID FOR CAMPAIGN EVENTS FOR
SCHUMER.
DOES THAT SOUND GRASSROOTS, AOC?
IF THE LARGEST CRYPTO EXCHANGE
DID IT, MINI DID IT 10 TIMES
WORSE.
I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF PUTIN
HAD MONEY WITH MINI.
AND MINI STOLE PUTIN’S MONEY AND
GAVE IT TO JOE.
IS THIS THE BIGGEST CAMPAIGN
FINANCE SCANDAL YOU HAVE EVER
HEARD OF?
I MEAN, THEY’RE ALWAYS SAYING
THE COVER-UP IS WORSE THAN THE
CRIME THOUGH BECAUSE NOW, WATCH
THIS, MINI IS ASKING THE JUDGE
TO HIDE THE IDENTITIES OF THE
TWO GUYS WHO COSIGNED FOR HIS
QUARTER BILLION DOLLARS BAIL.
SO WHO ARE MINI’S TWO SUGAR
BROTHERS WHO PUT THEMSELS ON
THE HOOK FOR 250 MILLION IF MINI
GOES MISSING?
I MEAN, HOW COME EVERY
DEMOCRAT’S GOT A SUGAR BROTHER?
REMEMBER HUNTER’S?
HUNTER’S SUGAR BROTHER PAID OFF
2 MILLION OF HIS BACK TAXES AND
NOW MINI HAS GOT SUGAR BROTHERS?
HE HAS GOT TWO?
DOESN’T ANYBODY WANT TO KNOW WHO
THESE GUYS ARE OR GIRLS?
NOW I’M CURIOUS.
WHY DO THEY WANT MINI OUT ON
BOND THAT BAD?
WE KNOW MINI WALKED INTO COURT
YESTERDAY WITH A BIG BOOK BAG.
SO WHAT’S IN THE BAG, MINI?
A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS THAT WHEN HE
WALKED OUT OF COURT WE DIDN’T
SEE THE BOOK BAG ON HIM.
NOW, SOURCES TELL "PRIMETIME"
THEY SAW STICKY FINGER SAMMY
HANGING OUT AROUND THE NEW YORK
COURTHOUSE.
WE CAN’T VERIFY BUT WE ALSO
CAN’T DENY IF STICKY SAMMY
PICKED UP THE BAG ON HIS WAY
OUT.
BUT, WOULD IT SURPRISE YOU IF
MANIPULATE ANY JUST SHOWED UP TO
COURT WITH A BAGFUL OF CASH?
HE IS ALWAYS BRIBING HIS WAY OUT
OF TROUBLE AND EVERYBODY IS IN
HIS POCKET.
THE FIRST JUDGE ASSIGNED TO
MINI’S CASE ACTUALLY HAD TO
RESIGN BECAUSE HER HUSBAND WAS
AN ADVISER OF MINI’S CRYPTO
SLUSH FUND.
NOW THE NEW JUDGE ON THE CASE
LEWIS CAPLAN, A CLINTON
APPOINTED JUDGE, WHO JUST
HAPPENED TO PRESIDE OVER CASES
AGAINST TRUMP, KEVIN SPACEY AND
PRINCE ANDREW.
I MEAN, THIS JUDGE SURE IS
GIVING MINI A NICE VACATION
BEFORE PRISON BECAUSE JUDGE
CAPLIN JUST SET MINI’S NEXT
COURT DATE TO OCTOBER.
AND THE TRIAL COULD START EVEN
LATER.
DID MINI JUST BUY HIMSELF A
PREPRISON VACATION?
SURE LOOKS LIKE IT.
HE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO GO TO
THE WHITE HOUSE BUT MINI IS NOT
LONELY.
HE IS BACK LIVING WITH HIS
PARENTS.
30-YEAR-OLD JUST LIVING WITH THE
PARENTS.
NOT A GOOD LOOK.
BUT, WE’RE THINKING ABOUT
CHANGING HIS NAME TO MICROBUT
UNDECIDED.
BUT, IS MINI TREATING HIS
PARENT’S HOUSE LIKE THE
PENTHOUSE IN THE BAHAMAS?
BECAUSE THE AUTHOR OF THE BIG
SHORT, MICHAEL LEWIS, IS ALREADY
PAYING HIM VISITS.
GETTING HIM READY FOR HIS TIME
ON THE BIG SCREEN, WE HEAR HEAR.
SO NOW FETTERMAN, AOC AND MINI
MADOFF ARE NOW BIG HOLIDAY MOVIE
STARS.
I GUESS I’M IN THE WRONG
BUSINESS.
WHO ELSE IS KNOCKING DOWN MINI’S
DOOR?
THIS WOMAN TIFFANY FONG PAID
MINI A VISIT DURING HOUSE
ARREST.
WE HEAR MINI LIFTED HIS PANT LEG
UNJUST A LITTLE TO GIVE HER A
SMALL GLIMPSE OF HIS ANKLE
MONITOR.
DID FONG MAKE MINI SHAKE LIKE
CHUCK TODD.
WE HAVE INVITED FONG ON
"PRIMETIME" TOMORROW TO HEAR HOW
MINI IS DOING UNDER HOUSE ARREST
AND WE HOPE SHE JOINS US.
WE MIGHT EVEN SEND JOHNNY OUT TO
SEE MINI MADOFF DRESS HIM UP A
VEGAN DELIVERY AND RING THE
DOORBELL.
WE KNOW HE LIKES CUCUMBERS.