Hi, my name is Stephanie and today I want to talk to you about the concept of
mildly autistic and how it is still autistic. But before I get into this
video, I did want to address the current things going on in the world today and
the situation with George Floyd and people like Breonna Taylor. I don't have
words. Obviously, what has happened is awful and evil and I just want to
encourage those of you who are scared right now that I stand with you. We stand
with you. And black lives do matter. I encourage
you to go ahead and check out the link in the description to sign a petition
regarding justice a for Breonna Taylor. Today's topic is actually one suggested
by one of my patrons. I really appreciate you talking to me about this, and I did
have a lot of trouble with how to to say this and how to really talk about this
topic. Because a lot of people are very sensitive regarding functioning labels
and stuff like that, but I feel like, if we can kind of put aside the politically
correct language today and just talk about this issue and if we can, like,
listen to each other, that'd be fantastic. Now, if you've seen my video on the
criteria for an ASD diagnosis in the DSM-5,
you probably noticed that there were plenty of criteria and kind of things
that you had to follow to be able to place someone on the spectrum as a
professional in that field. You may also know that according to the DSM-5, which
is the most recent authority in the United States regarding psychological
and psychiatric kind of diagnoses, Asperger's is now considered a part of
the autism spectrum. Many debate about whether Asperger's
should have been placed on the autism spectrum as part of autism spectrum
disorder or not, however, regardless of people's feelings, it is the same kind of
pathology: perhaps a mild version of autism, even though,
obviously, a lot of people would not prefer that kind of language use. Even
when it was separate as Asperger's in the United States, many publications
described Asperger's as mild autism. We've spoken on the concept of everyone
being on the spectrum and how that euphemism is often used to try to relate
and be helpful and usually it's not and it's just not true. We are all human
beings, but we are not all autistic. This distinction is absurdly important in
understanding the plight of many autistic people, the ones who seem just
fine, who mask well, who communicate pretty
well, who people might not immediately look at and think, oh, that person is
autistic. Because when these individuals' autistic traits become apparent, it's
usually in a negative manner. Sensory overload, overwhelm, meltdowns, shutdowns,
elopement, communication and executive function failures. To the casual observer,
it doesn't make sense. How is it that this "normal" person suddenly started
acting like a child? Why are they screaming and hitting themselves? Why are
they acting like a caged animal trying to get out of the store? Problem is, these
questions oftentimes come after the autistic's attempts at remedying the
situation have been criticized. Why do you need headphones? That's rude. People
want to talk to you. Get over it. Suck it up. It's not even loud in here. What are
you doing with your hands? That looks weird. Be quiet. You're so loud and
annoying. Don't you have any respect? Look at me! Why are you such an
attention-seeker? Why are you such a weirdo? Take a break from what? One that hurt
for me was when someone who knew, someone who was probably the most
understanding out of basically almost all the people in my life,
witnessed me becoming overwhelmed. But, like, like, overstimulated. So, my actions
seemed as though they were just, like, hyper, and I was getting out of control. I
couldn't focus and, basically, it was a non-negative meltdown, I guess. Like, it wasn't,
like, crying and screaming. It was just like everything was, like, this, I don't
know how to explain it better. And they looked at me and they said, "get real." Real?
This is real. It's in these moments that you begin to see why we are not the same
as you. You might see it in the little quirks and think, oh, it's not really that
big of a deal. It's probably just some psychobabble some so-called professional
person came up with and now they have this label. They're not level three
support needs. They're not severely autistic. They don't need an aide 24/7.
They're just fine. They don't need a device to communicate. Although a lot of
people would find it extremely helpful to have one in the cases that they go
into a shutdown or face selective mutism, but, you know. Of course, then that's just
them being stubborn. They just don't want to speak to you. Most of us know, deep
down, that there is something wrong or different about us. We strive to be like
you. We strive to be the functioning members of society that we were always
meant to be. It is our privilege of being mildly autistic. It is also our curse. Our
efforts are never enough. We cannot change the fact that it is not loud
in here to you. There are particular frequencies at particular intervals that
are getting inside of our brain and driving us mad. We cannot change the fact
that something hurt hours ago and that, somehow, by the exasperated sigh you emit,
or the "no," or the demand that you give, all of a sudden, a dam burst that we
didn't even know existed until it was too late. We can speak. We can communicate.
We do our best to look and act like you. But sometimes we can't say when the
world is crumbling. Partially because some of us are unable to tell what's
going on until it's extreme and partially because we know it doesn't
make sense. We know it's not rational. We know we
shouldn't be bothered. We know we should be you. We, the so-called mildly autistic,
high-functioning, low support needs, Asperger's - whatever name you want to give
to it - exist. We need support. We need understanding. We are not neurotypical. We
are not you. The diagnosis is not a label, an excuse, or a lie. It is an expert
finding what we have desperately hidden. Albeit some of us are more successful than
others at hiding it. Our autism isn't just something that showed up in odd
little quirks in our childhood and just went away. Our brains literally work
differently, and that's okay. It's difficult making these videos because I
constantly get told how I don't look autistic enough because I can write a
script, I can talk to a camera, I can edit - all things that perhaps you think autism
means I can't do. It's the same kind of people who say that I'm not autistic enough
who would scoff at my meltdowns, my times of vulnerability, when I am so
overwhelmed, when my brain won't function, when everything is just too much, and I
can't sort out the information that's going on and I can't even understand
what's going on with my body or what my mind is thinking and sometimes I can't
get my words to come out. And if they do, they sound weird and everything is going
insane. You would make fun of it. You would tell me that I am fine. That I am
just being dramatic. I should get over myself. The thing is, nothing will ever be
good enough for you. I'm making this video upon request and I do think this
needs to be said. But the worst part is, I don't know if it's going to matter
because even if somehow I could take a blood test and show you the results, give
you all the documents of my diagnosis information, let you see my meltdowns and
my vulnerable moments, none of it would be enough because I am
not autistic enough. I am not normal enough. I cannot exist because you cannot
wrap your mind around the concept of someone not fitting your stereotypes.
There is importance in acknowledging all of the spectrum. That there are people
who cannot self-advocate. But that does not mean that self-advocates should not
be heard, either. We have a unique set of struggles
in which our needs are not met and we are not given help because our existence
as someone who isn't painfully, apparently, autistic yet isn't up to your
standards, isn't good enough, is so confounding to the average person
that we go through cycles of being great and being just fine, to cycles of being
absolutely devastated and ruined. We are both in need of help and not good enough.
I don't want to make this video to make anyone feel poorly - autistic or otherwise.
I just feel that this frustrating loop needs to be exposed, and perhaps, maybe,
when we look at this and when we start to try to understand this, maybe we can
start to make progress in this particular set of issues. Specifically
for those you might consider mildly autistic. Someone who is mildly autistic,
someone who is considered to have Asperger's, it's a very real thing. The
DSM-5, the way that people diagnose, it's not a joke. It's not for fun. It's not for
labeling people and just making everybody whatever. There's a very real
process, a very real reason that these diagnoses are important and that they do
exist and that does affect how we see the world and how we live our lives and
how we are perceived by others and when we just need help. Thank you so much for
watching. I don't know. I guess I didn't really intend for this to be as dramatic
or whatever. If you found this useful in any way, go ahead and hit the like button.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. I post to this
channel every Thursday at 4 p.m. Central Standard Time, and so if that interests
you, go ahead and hit the subscribe button. Thank you to my patrons for
supporting me over on Patreon, and a special thank you to my Spazz tier
patrons, Brian Kleinhammer and Jesse Graves.
Thank you so much for watching, and I hope that you
have a wonderful week. See me in my next video. Bye.