DISAPPEARING. >>> SO AS A PARENT, HOW DO YOU
KNOW WHEN TO LET YOUR KIDS MAKE
THEIR OWN DECISION AND WHEN DO
YOU STEP IN AND STEER THEM IN
THE RIGHT DIRECTION?
>> WE HAVE AUTHOR JOINING US
THIS MORNING.
THIS MORNING. >> GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK, WHY IS IT
IMPORTANT TO HELP OUR KIDS MAKE
GOOD DECISIONS, FIRST OF ALL?
>> FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS A LIFE
LONG SKILL.
LONG SKILL. WE GET UP EVERY MORNING, WE MAKE
DECISIONS.
DECISIONS. DO WE GO TO WORK, WORK OUT
FIRST.
FIRST.
FIRST. AS
FIRST. AS WE GET OLDER, WE REALIZE,
THIS IS PART OF OUR LIVES.
WITH KIDS, YOU REALLY HAVE TO
START EARLY IN HELPING FOSTER
THAT DECISION MAKING PROCESS.
WHEN THEY ARE VERY YOUNG, THE
DECISIONS ARE PRETTY MINOR.
DO WE WANT STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM
OR CHOCOLATE.
OR CHOCOLATE. AS THEY GET OLDER, THEY ARE
MAKING DECISIONS LIKE WHAT
FRIENDSHIP LOOP DO I WANT TO
BELONG TO, WHAT COLLEGE DO I
WANT TO GO TO.
DO I WANT TO DRINK THAT BEER?
THE STAKES GET HIGHER.
AS
AS A
AS A PARENTING EXPERT, THAT IS REALLY TOUGH.
REALLY TOUGH. AND WHEN YOU SAY, I TELL YOU NOT
TO DATE THAT PERSON, AND THAT
ONLY MAKES THE TEENAGER WANT TO
DO IT MORE.
HOW DO YOU BALANCE STEPPING IN
AND LETTING IT GO?
>> YOU HOPE BY THE TIME THEY ARE
TEENAGERS THAT SOME OF THE TOOLS
WE HAVE GIVEN THEM WHEN THEY ARE
YOUNGER START TO KICK IN.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO START WHEN
THEY ARE YOUNG.
IF YOU HAVE HAD A KID GO INTO
TARGET AND YOU HAVE SAID PICK
OUT A TOY, THEY GET VERY
FRUSTRATED AND OVERWHELMED.
SO THE BEST THING TO DO WITH
VERY YOUNG KIDS IS TO LIMIT
THEIR OPTIONS AND CHOICES.
SAY YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES, YOU
CAN HAVE THE FIRE TRUCK OR THE
LEGOS.
LEGOS.
LEGOS. AS
LEGOS. AS THEY GET OLDER, THOSE CHOICES
WIDEN AND THEY GET A LOT MORE
COMPLICATED.
COMPLICATED. SO NOW THEY ARE MAKING A
DECISION ABOUT WHAT MUSICAL
INSTRUMENT DO I WANT TO TAKE
THIS YEAR, WHAT SPORT DO I WANT
TO PLAY.
TO PLAY.
TO PLAY. YOU HOPE THAT BY THE TIME THEY
ARE TEERMGS, NUMBER ONE, THEY
WILL COME TO YOU WITH HELP ON
DECISIONS AND NUMBER TWO, IF
THEY DON'T, YOU HAVE GIVEN THEM
THE TOOLS TO MAKE THEM.
OTHER THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN
YOU ARE TEACHING DECISION MAKING
IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH IS VERY
OFTEN GOOD ENOUGH.
THEY DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO GO FOR
WHAT IS THE BEST IN A TOY OR
SOMETHING TO WEAR OR WHATEVER IT
IS.
IS.
IS. THIS
IS. THIS IS A GREAT LIFE LESSON FOR
ALL OF US.
DO WE ALWAYS NEED THE BEST
TOASTER OVEN?
TOASTER OVEN? SO TO BE SATISFIED AND HAPPY
WITH WHAT THEY HAVE.
AND TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOMETIMES
THEY WILL REGRET A DECISION AND
HOPEFULLY THEY WILL LEARN FROM
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. ALL
THAT. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE
IMPORTANT.
IMPORTANT. I THINK MOST OF ALL, TALK WITH
YOUR CHILD, AS THEY GET OLDER
AND AS THEY GET TO BE TEENAGERS
AND TALK OUT THE DECISION MAKING
PROCESS.
PROCESS.
PROCESS. AND WHAT ELEMENTS ARE GOING INTO
THOSE DECISIONS.
THOSE DECISIONS. AND LET THEM HEAR YOU THINK OUT
LOUD AND BE A ROLE MODEL.
WHEN YOU ARE MAKING A DECISION,
LET THEM HEAR YOU SAY, GEE, I
WONDER WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH
THIS OR THOUGHT ISSUE.
OR SAY YOU ARE HAVING PEOPLE
OVER FOR DINNER, LET'S SAY THEY
ARE HAVING A PARTY AND YOU CAN
GO OVER SOME OF THE FACTORS AND
ELEMENTS WITH THEM, WHAT
INVITATIONS DO WE WANT OR WHO DO
WE WANT TO INVITE AND THE PROS
AND CONS OF ALL OF IT.
AND YOU WANT TO INTEGRATE THE
KINDS OF LESSONS AND THINKING.
SO WHEN THEY ARE FACED WITH
DECISIONS THAT ARE PROBLEMATIC
AT THEY GET OLDER, THAT THEY
WILL TAKE THE RIGHT COURSE.
>> I HAVE A TWO PARTER MAYBE.
DO SCARE TACTICS WORK?
>> GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.
>> LIKE, IF I EVER CATCH YOU
DOING THIS.
DOING THIS. BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOW SO MANY
KIDS MAKE MISTAKES ON THE
INTERNET THAT ARE FOREVER.
AND ALSO, I'LL LET YOU ANSWER
THAT ONE FOR US.
>> I GO WITH GIVING THEM LIMITS,
CONDITIONS, CONSEQUENCES, MORE
THAN SCARE TACTICS.
SCARE TACTICS ARE KIND OF LIKE
THREATS.
THREATS.
THREATS. I WOULD REALLY STAY AWAY FROM
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. FIRST OF ALL, THEY ARE TOUGH TO
CARRY OUT.
CARRY OUT. REALLY CONSEQUENCES MEAN MUCH
MORE.
MORE.
MORE. >>
MORE. >> HOW FAR DO YOU LET THEM GO IN
ORDER TO FAIL?
BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TO SEE
THINGS FOR THEMSELVES AND
EXPERIENCE THEM FOR THEMSELVES
BUT IF IT IS A BIG FAILURE?
>> YOU HAVE TO LEARN AND KNOW
YOURSELF AND KNOW YOUR FAMILY
AND KNOW WHEN TO STEP IN.
IT IS OKAY TO STEP IN.
SOMETIMES PARENTS TODAY GIVE
THEIR KIDS CART BLANCH FOR
MAKING CHOICES.
MAKING CHOICES. AND IT IS OKAY TO SAY THIS TIME
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE OF GOING
TO THE PARTY OR GOING TO SCHOOL.
YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL.
SOMETIMES THAT'S OKAY.
GIVE THEM PARAMETERS.
THEY LIKE THAT SENSE OF
SECURITY.
SECURITY.
SECURITY. >> BEFORE WE LET YOU GO, BECAUSE
WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME, WHAT
TOOLS DO PEOPLE HAVE OTHER THAN
GOOGLE TO FIND ANSWERS?
WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST PEOPLE
USE AS A RESOURCE FOR PARENTING?
>> I THINK THERE ARE SOME GREAT
PARENTING BOOKS OUT THERE.
IMPORTANT MAP HAS A LIST OF
WONDERFUL BOOKS.
WONDERFUL BOOKS. IT IS A GREAT RESOURCE.
ALSO AS A PARENT, TRUST YOUR
INSTINCTS AS FAR AS IF YOU THINK
SOMETHING IS THE WRONG MOVE, IT
PROBABLY IS.
PROBABLY IS. THE OTHER THING THAT IS REALLY
GREAT IF YOU HAVE CLOSE AT HAND,
ANOTHER TRUSTED ADULT.
A GRAND PARENT, CLOSE FRIEND, A
FRIEND OF YOURS THAT YOU TRUST
THAT THAT CHILD CAN GO TO FOR
ANOTHER OPINION.
ANOTHER OPINION. SOMETIMES THEY WILL GO AND
BELIEVE SOMEBODY ELSE MORE SO
THAN THEIR PARENT BECAUSE AFTER
ALL, IT'S THEIR PARENT.
SO THAT'S NOT A BAD THING TO DO
ALSO.
ALSO.
ALSO. >>
ALSO. >> THANK YOU