(bouncy music)
- Ugh!
Aggro.
Trailer trash.
Virgin.
Hard pass.
And what do we have here?
(knocking)
(Heavy Footsteps)
(nervous music)
- Princess?
- No princess.
Just Bowsette.
- Wow!
I love your castle!
I mean, I love castles in general,
but this one is really something!
Man, I'd love to just get lost in here for a few hours!
Do you have any rooms that are only accessible by bomb?
- You're a lot younger than you look in your profile.
- Really?
You look kinda different too.
In a good way, I mean!
- Thanks hun, but do try to keep it in your tunic.
(metal pinging)
- You're sweet, but let's not waste each other's time.
Clearly you're not ready for a woman like me.
Though, since you came all the way out here,
I suppose you are welcome to explore the castle grounds.
- Oh boy, really?
- Sure, just don't blow up any walls!
- Aw, man!
(relaxed jazz music)
- Tell me about yourself.
- [Master Chief] Petty Officer,
United Nations Space Command.
- Not your rank, silly, something personal!
What's your favorite food?
What do you do for fun?
- [Master Chief] Classified.
- Give me a break!
Tell me something!
Anything!
Is it true that your whole body is cybernetically enhanced?
Everything?
- [Master Chief] Information regarding the Spartan program
is highly classified, strictly need to know business, ma'am.
- Well, at least we know your personality
isn't cybernatically enhanced.
(Battle Toad Noises)
- [Master Chief] Not on my planet!
(weapon cocking)
- What the hell are you doing?
- [Master Chief] Nothing to be afraid of, ma'am.
This isn't the first time I've dealt with grunt scum.
- Stop!
Those aren't grunts!
They're-- (weapon blasting)
Battle Toads.
- [Master Chief] Close enough.
- Do you ever relax?
- [Master Chief] I'll relax when the war is won!
- What war?
Are you always this intense?
(door bell jingling)
- [Master Chief] A brute!
Get down!
- [Winston] For the last time, I am a scientist!
(grunting)
- [Master Chief] Sorry, I just threw up
in my mask a little bit.
(casual rock music)
- (sighs) Where is this guy?
- Beautiful sunset, isn't it?
(gasps)
Shame most people don't appreciate
what they got 'til it's gone.
- Yeesh, you scared the hell out of me!
Joel, right?
- And I take it you're my contact.
- You keep talking in emo riddles,
and there won't be any contact
at the end of this date, cowboy.
- You ain't infected, right?
- I mean, I've had all my shots,
if that's what you're asking.
- That's good.
- That's a pretty rude way to introduce yourself,
but I suppose you can't be too careful
with internet dating these days.
No more surprises though, okay?
- Fair enough.
- She's cute.
Who is she?
- Who am I?
Who the hell are you??
- [Joel] This is Ellie.
- I thought I was pretty clear in my profile about no kids.
No offense.
- She is not my daughter.
- Okay ...
Who is she?
- She's the mission.
I'm smuggling her outside the quarantine zone.
Once she's delivered, she'll be out of our hair.
- Is that like a fancy way of saying kidnapping?
Oh god, Toadette was right!
I never should have started messing around
with these dating apps!
- I know what you're thinkin'.
Don't worry.
Yes, she's infected, but somehow she's immune.
- Uh, she's gone.
- Damn!
Every time!
(easygoing music)
(sneezes)
- [Video Game Announcer] Round one.
Fight!
(spurting)
(cheering)
(crashing)
- So is this like a package deal or ...
(vocalizing)
(slams door)
(crushes phone)
(man groans)
That's enough of that.
(rustling)
What are you still doing here?
I didn't say you could climb the walls,
especially not to my bedroom!
- I, um ...
- It's time for you to go!
(grunting) Come here, you!
(bright jangling)
(cheerful music) - Hi.
- Hi.
- Let me help you inside.
It's quite a fall from up here, Princess.
- (giggles) Such a gentlemen.
Mwah!