>> SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.
>> James: OKAY.
ANYONE HERE THINKING OF SURFING THE NET?
THE 09SEE?
YEAH?
YOU ARE THINKING SURFING THE NET IN THE '90S.
WELL, IF YOU ARE THINKING OF SURFING THE NET IN THE '90S, YOU
SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS
MAY INCLUDE HAVING THIS SOUND STUCK IN YOUR HEAD.
(DIAL UP MOD EM SOUND).
>> James: WE CHOSE TO PLAY THE SHORT ONE.
(LAUGHTER) WE WERE THINKING ABOUT JUST
PLAYING THAT AND THEN GOING TO BREAK.
ANOTHER SIDE EFFECT TO SURFING THE NET IN THE '90S IS WAITING
FOR SOMEONE TO MESSAGE YOU ON AIM WHERE YOUR SCREEN NAME IS
XXSWEETBABYJAIMS69XX.
YOU THINK I'M JOKING.
(APPLAUSE) WRITING LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU
THINK IT MAKES YOU LOOK COOL.
(LAUGHTER) BEING CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE
GOING TO GO TO JAIL FOR DOWNLOADING MUSIC OFF OF
NAPSTER.
AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT TO SURFING THE NET IN THE '90S IS
ACTUALLY GOING TO JAIL FOR DOWNLOADING MUSIC OFF OF LIME
WIRE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WHAT ABOUT REALIZING YOUR
PARENTS WERE YOUNGER THAN YOU WHEN THEY DID EVERYTHING.
(LAUGHTER) IF YOU ARE THINKING OF REALIZING
THAT YOUR PARENTS WERE YOUNGER THAN YOU WHEN THEY DID
EVERYTHING, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AND THOSE
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEY
HAD YOU AT 25 WHEN YOU ARE SPENDING YOUR 20s SEARCHING
WHAT YOUR EX'S LIKE ON INSTAGRAM.
(APPLAUSE) FREAKING OUT AFTER YOU REALIZE
THERE WAS NO TINDER AND NO BUMMABLE BACK THEN WHICH MEANS
THEY MET IN PERSON.
WORRYING WHEN YOU FIND OUT THAT THEY BOUGHT A HOUSE BY YOUR AGE
AND YOU JUST BORROWED MONEY FROM GARY TO BUY A HOVERBOARD.
(APPLAUSE) DIGGING UP PHOTOS OF STHEM IN
THEIR 20s AND REALIZING THERE WERE VERY FEW PHOTOS BACK THEN.
STARRING AT YOUR OWN PHONE SO PACKED WITH SELFIES YOU ARE
MOTIONLESS UNTIL YOUR FIRST TEAR HITS THE SCREEN.
AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF REALIZING YOUR PARENTS WERE
YOUNGER THAN YOU WHEN THEY DID EVERYTHING, IS SEARCHING ALL
YOUR EX'S LIKES ON INSTAGRAM.
OKAY.
ANYONE HERE THINKING OF GOING FOR A NUMBER TWO AT WORK?
(LAUGHTER) IF YOU ARE THINKING OF GOING
NUMBER TWO AT WORK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS
AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.
FEELING PURE JOY WHEN YOU DISCOVER THE REST ROOM IS EMPTY.
REALLY SETTLING INTO IT.
HAVING YOUR DREAMS SHATTERED AS SOMEONE ENTERS THE STALL NEXT TO
YOU.
STUDYING THEIR SHOES.
YEAH, THAT'S YOUR BOSS' SHOES.
THINKING YOU SHOULD JUST WAIT IT OUT.
(LAUGHTER) WAITING IT OUT.
(LAUGHTER) REALIZING THEY'RE ALSO WAITING
IT OUT.
(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WAITING IT OUT MORE.
(LAUGHTER) CONCEDING AND FINISHING UP.
PANICKING BECAUSE THEY'RE NOW FINISHING UP TOO.
AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF GOING NUMBER TWO AT WORK IS
SHARING AN INCREDIBLY AWKWARD SMILE WITH YOUR BOSS AT THE
SINK.
THAT WAS SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.