Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
‘You’re taking some of his criticism too personaly’
Planet of Dinosaurs opens with the explosion of a spaceship.
Leaving the survivors marooned on a convenient planet.
‘We landed on a planet with atmosphere and conditions just like earth’
‘Yeah, Yeah, I hear that’s not so rare’
You heard wrong. But we’ll let it slide because it’s only these conditions that have allowed the planet’s other inhabitants to evolve.
That is a nice model.
‘Looks like some kind of dinosaur’
it actually does!
And, despite the ceratosuarus running like mr Humphries from Are You Being Served ...
the animation’s not bad either,
paying tribute to Ray Harryhausen by including Beast from 20,000 Fathoms’ Rhedosaurus
Admittedly, the dinosaurs are a little stilted,
but believe me, that’s nothing compared to the humans.
‘Whatever is out there is carnivorous and it sounds very, very hungry‘
Tis is where personality goes to die.
‘I’m just another guy’
Yes, you are. The men are all vigorous alpha males.
‘On this world you have 2 choices, be cruel or die’
rightly idolised by their women.
‘You’re a fine man’‘ Invulnerable and God-like’
while the women ditzily destroy everything they need to survive.
‘Where is the distress transmittor?’
‘Oh I’m sorry, I forgot to tow it in’
‘Hey that was our food!’,
‘I’m sorry, I’ll cause no more trouble, I’ll do as I’m told’
and provide some partial nudity.
‘It’s my job’ although to be fair it’s not just the girls, Chuck here takes his shirt off to go swimming,
'I'll get it.'
and never puts it back on.
The thing is, this is supposed to be a story about how people come together in extreme situations.
‘Why don’t we just go somewhere and ask someone for help’
But, these aren’t really ‘people’
‘What are we? A bunch of racoons’
For example: we have our standard B Movie antagonist.
'I'll tell you something, I know one small creature that is not going to climb up either and that's me.'
but he’s killed partway through.
So someone else, who up to this point hasn’t argued at all, steps up to fill the role.
‘Let’s face it we’re stuck here!’
And their behaviour is equally idiotic and inconsistent.
‘I did a very stupid thing’
The distress transmittor they mentioned, is just abandoned after a girl is killed swimming back to get it.
Because you wanna get rescued, but building a raft is such a pain the arse.
‘Don’t be sarcastic’
Instead they build a stockade to protect them from marauding dinosaurs.
‘Well, that’s it’
That’s it?!
And yet they celebrate this achievement.
‘I got a little berry juice here I fermented up’
You made wine? When?! You haven’t needed to shave yet.
‘He’s got to be kidding’
In the end, this movie is about the survival of people who are constantly out-acted by lumps of articulated rubber
‘Oh maybe you’re right!’
why should I care?
‘God knows’
In fact, they sum it up very well themselves.
‘Do you think we’ll ever be rescued’
‘Somehow it really doesn’t matter any more’
Certainly not to me.
‘We can’t waste time trying to tame dinosaurs’
What's your favorite film in which the effects out acts the actors let us know in the comments below?
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'No, we heard that last night today. We're having fillet of swamp'